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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put DD to bed without any dinner...

298 replies

PeppermintPatty · 08/09/2008 19:07

...because she refused to eat what I've made made her.

She kept asking for a banana but I said no, she had to at least attempt to eat her soup.

She refused and had a massive tantrum She's only 14 months old, but very stubborn.

I'm certainly not going to make her something else, and I feel if I give in to her she'll be demanding a banana every meal time.

So I'm going to put her to bed without any dinner.

AIBU

OP posts:
Mutt · 08/09/2008 20:30

This reply has been deleted

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harpsichordcarrier · 08/09/2008 20:30

yes, YABU
tbh you are making a BIG mistake in turning the dinner table into a battle field when the child is 14 months
you really need to calm down and stop over-reacting to perfectly normal toddler behaviour because you have a long long road ahead of you and you are chucking massive great obstacles in your own path way way way too soon and over nothing at all.

TheHedgeWitch · 08/09/2008 20:30

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Sycamoretree · 08/09/2008 20:33

Also coming to this late, but is she your first child by chance? Something tells me this is the sort of battle you might feel is really important as a first time mum for fear of you LO becoming some sort of finicky food freak. Trust me - what happens at 14 months is just no indicator whatsoever of things to come. You'll have endless fads and cycles with appetite and interest as she goes through toddlerhood and onwards.

FGS relax - she's probably only just learned to say the word - psychologically she is no where near advanced enough to understand being taught a lesson about eating up. I learned the hard way that slaving over food is a sure fire way to make yourself react in an over the top way when they don't eat what you lovingly prepared. Ask yourself honestly, Would you Hipp whilst you were out and about? You'd probably just assume she had a sophisticated palate and didn't like jar foods, give her the banana and fill her up on mums best home cooked when you got home.

Please believe me, there is just no point getting into battles at meal times now. As long as you are offering a healthy range of foods (clearly you are, and you care about her nutrition) then chill.

bloomingfedup · 08/09/2008 20:35

I know that as an adult there is some foods i don't like - full stop AND sometimes I don't fancy eating something, I'm an adult and can suit myself - a child can't especially at the age your DD is! Give her a break - Im not saying give in - just R-E-L-A-X!!!!!!!!!

bloomingfedup · 08/09/2008 20:35

I know that as an adult there is some foods i don't like - full stop AND sometimes I don't fancy eating something, I'm an adult and can suit myself - a child can't especially at the age your DD is! Give her a break - Im not saying give in - just R-E-L-A-X!!!!!!!!!

bloomingfedup · 08/09/2008 20:35

I know that as an adult there is some foods i don't like - full stop AND sometimes I don't fancy eating something, I'm an adult and can suit myself - a child can't especially at the age your DD is! Give her a break - Im not saying give in - just R-E-L-A-X!!!!!!!!!

Sycamoretree · 08/09/2008 20:36

Sorry - "would you feel the same if she knocked back a jar of Hipp" - something went wrong when I corrected my capital H!

EffiePerine · 08/09/2008 20:38

poor baby

she isn't trying to control you

she's learning to express herself - why is this a bad thing?

and babies will often turn their noses up at things they have happily guzzled for weeks - just offer an alternative.

TheHedgeWitch · 08/09/2008 20:39

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LaDiDaDi · 08/09/2008 20:40

I agree with the others YABmassivelyU.

Pleased that your dd has been allowed a couple of bananas.

If you really think that she would only eat bananas then simply only buy a couple at a time or hide them. I don't think she would eat bananas all day everyday for very long either, she would get sick of them.

thingamajig · 08/09/2008 20:42

I do think that if you send a baby to bed without food when she made clear that she wanted some is witholding food. When doing childcare work I was told not to even say e.g. "you can have lunch when you have tidied up in here" as using food (or lack of it) as a punishment is just not on, I do not think that people are overreacting.

However to try to be helpful, I think like tiger feet that your daughter is so pleased to be able to tell you what she wants that expressing an opinion is the new big thing. Let her enjoy it, have a banana-ful phase if thats what she wants and be pleased that your dd is developing her communication so well

empressorchid · 08/09/2008 20:42

PP - sorry but I have to agree with a previous poster about the issue of with-holding food. That is exactly what you are doing. You cannot expect a 14 month old to make those kinds of choices, they just don't have those kinds of thought processes. So what she is learning is that meal times are a battle ground and mummy can with-hold food as part of her ammunition. You are setting yourself up for some serious food issues if you carry on like this. Just chill out, she's only 14 months old, who cares is she gets the right amount of nutrients and vitamins in one day, it may all even itself out tomorrow when she decides she doesn't want bananas but some healthy nutritious soup.

I'm glad you've given her 2 bananas - maybe she won't wake you in the middle of the night hungry now.

TrinityRhino · 08/09/2008 20:46

definitely bordering on abuse
glad to see you've fed your child
seriously you will look back in years to come and realise you were being way uptight and totally off thinking that at 14 months she can fornulate a pklan to get nanas only instead of her meal

lol crazy glad she has been fed

TrinityRhino · 08/09/2008 20:46

definitely bordering on abuse
glad to see you've fed your child
seriously you will look back in years to come and realise you were being way uptight and totally off thinking that at 14 months she can fornulate a pklan to get nanas only instead of her meal

lol crazy glad she has been fed

TrinityRhino · 08/09/2008 20:46

definitely bordering on abuse
glad to see you've fed your child
seriously you will look back in years to come and realise you were being way uptight and totally off thinking that at 14 months she can fornulate a pklan to get nanas only instead of her meal

lol crazy glad she has been fed

TrinityRhino · 08/09/2008 20:47

definitely bordering on abuse
glad to see you've fed your child
seriously you will look back in years to come and realise you were being way uptight and totally off thinking that at 14 months she can fornulate a pklan to get nanas only instead of her meal

lol crazy glad she has been fed

mamadiva · 08/09/2008 20:48

My HV told me to do this but DS 2 and very very very very fussy!!!

Doesn't mean I listen to her but I must admit if DS doesn't eat his dinner he gets a yoghurt or banana it's better than nothing, but it can't be that bad if the HV is advising it can it? So IMO YABtadU. It doesn't work for me but may work for you.

Don't atke on all the OP bashers and certainly advise that you do not for your own safety post anything that may be deemed out of the norm in AIBU!!!

unfitmother · 08/09/2008 20:49

You're worried about vitamins?
She wouldn't have got any if you had sent her to bed without any dinner.

QuintessentialShadow · 08/09/2008 20:49

Stop
OK. I think the OP is getting it. Lets try to be constructive and help a little.

For you to react in this manner, meal times must be very frustrating, and making you very angry. I assume.
How has her feeding been till now, has she had this soup before? My sons were only eating soup if it was really thick and creamy, like chicken soup, and if they had some bread they could dunk in it. Thew would take a while, but I let them get on with it, and the end result was that some soup was eaten, and quite a lot of whole meal bread.
Is this something you could do?

DanJARMouse · 08/09/2008 20:51

I am at this.

14mnths is still a baby. Ok so she may be starting to say a few words, but its because she has learnt to say them she is saying them, not necessarily because she wants them.

I find offering a little bit of everything works well. My children have always been offered a variety.

Last night for example, DD1 and DD2 were very tired, and didnt want to wait 40 mins for the lasagne to cook, so asked if they could have cheese toasties - no problem, gave cheese toasties, fruit and yoghurt.

DS is nearly 10mnths, we put a little bit of whatever we are having on his tray at a meal time. Tonight we gave him carrots, brocolli, cauliflower, roast turkey and roast potatoes. To be honest, he tried/ate most of it!

I think choice is needed here. Give your child the choice of what to eat at a meal time. Forcing one item (and soup for a 14mnth old? AM i the only one that just wouldnt think that a meal for a baby?) and then refusing the one item she has possibly asked for is cruel.

StayFrosty · 08/09/2008 20:52

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bloomingfedup · 08/09/2008 20:52

Trinity

Are you joking? Of course this is NOT child abuse and my HV also told me to do this. I don't agree with OP BTW.

MegBusset · 08/09/2008 20:53

No, of course it's not abuse, those who want to drag in SS need to get a grip. It is a stressed mum trying to do the right thing and just not going about it the right way.

themildmanneredjanitor · 08/09/2008 20:55

This reply has been deleted

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