To put DD to bed without any dinner...

[PeppermintPatty]

...because she refused to eat what I've made made her.

She kept asking for a banana but I said no, she had to at least attempt to eat her soup.

She refused and had a massive tantrum She's only 14 months old, but very stubborn.

I'm certainly not going to make her something else, and I feel if I give in to her she'll be demanding a banana every meal time.

So I'm going to put her to bed without any dinner.

AIBU

your HV told you not to give your baby any food?

No Hv did'nt say that - obviously. She sais to offer food and if DC does'nt eat don't give anything else till next meal time.

I am stunned that HV will advise this, even in severe cases of a child refusing food. Instead the HV should be referring to a nutrionist, not advising the not offering of food stuff to a child.

1. a banana would have been better than soup as soup can be quite salty (though obv depends whether home made soup)

2. it can be frustrating when children reject food, when I went back to work, DD had a settling in day with the CM, first time we'd been separated, so I went off to the shop, purchased bags and bags of fruit and veg, pureed all afternoon and froze a load. She would not, for the life of me, eat any of the defrosted food. Trauma, but I just gave her other stuff (and never froze again!)

3. my DD would often eat a banana and yoghurt as a snack at the cm and have dinner when we got home. doesn't matter if its a little "out of order" so long as eaten

4. my DD sometimes doesn't clear her plate at tea time, and then pleads hungriness before bed. We give her a small slice of fruit loaf, and she actually sleeps better with that in her tummy.

Well I wouldn't have done it - but I can see why you were going too. Its massively frustrating, feeding small children who don't eat what you slave over!

My best suggestion is just take the stress out of it by putting several different foods in front of her and letting her get stuck in. You'll find that most of it will get eaten, she will feel like she's got some control/choice, and you will learn about her preferences. Experiments have shown that toddlers offered a large range of foods in little dishes at every meal, and left to choose what they ate, chose a balanced diet from what was offered.

Calling SS in is just plain overreacting. They would do very little if anything - they are faced with enough difficulties dealing with the parents who really really do withold food, as opposed to only offer one option.

To be fair to OP - she did'nt NOT feed her baby. She offered her food and DD would not eat it. OP obvoiusly was not sure if she was doing the right thing thats why she posted herE. BIG MISTAKE.

Some people are just insensitive shits and probably never experienced a fussy child before! I'm lucky if my DS eats one meal a day so I know what it's like! I resorted to this for 2 days when my HV told me to do it at first then realised that I just felt shit about it and anything is better than nothing. I put down whatever we are having but the fact is when we are eating I always have to have shitty sausages and farkin potato smiles in my bloody oven as a back up as thats all he'll eat other than cereal and if I'm lucky some toast. Sorry for the rant but I just hate the way people get flamed and people rant about SS and bloody child abuse it's not something that should be thrown about lightly!!!

ARGH! I guess my son should have been taken into care because he refused to eat or drink so often that he was nearly put on a drip in hospital just to get something into him because he will not esat anything!

Anyway sorry rant over

mamadiva - surely there is a different between a child who wont eat a lot of food stuff but the parents are still trying, than a baby who wont eat one food stuff and asks for another, but that is disallowed iyswim

(I'm not one calling for SS etc, just I see a difference between the two situations)

I know sorry am just ranting because someone told me at the time that I was evil letting my child get into that state in the first place and hed be better off in a home with someone who gives a shit!

It's not nice when people do taht whe n you think you are doing right.

Our 13 month old frequently has the 2nd course 1st, particularly if she is hungry and the 1st course is still being cooked. So dh will sit with her while she has something like custard, yoghurt or chopped up fruit.

With my older dd if she is having a cold meal (e.g. lunch box) it all goes in together (I have done it from a young age). So she might have sandwich, babybel, yoghurt and fruit.

If, over the week, they have eaten a good variety, this is the main thing imo. We have never had major food battles - I appreciate that this is down to luck in some respects, I don't take any credit for this.

no need to be sorry, easy to be defensive when its a raw nerve.

yab ssssoooooooo u.
poor baby.
glad to see she didnt go to bed with no tea after all.
do you exercise no choice over your meals? would you like food over which you had no say plonked in front of you every mealtime?

Well I think we should make this a happy thread now all ahs been sorted

I apologise
gor my rant
I'm sorry
I have 2 fussy children
they both stoped being so fussy at around 3 and a half after I just spent foever not letting it get to me and not letting it be a big issue

I just thought that it seems crazy

what are you going to do when she is settling to bed and asks for nana (which may be a catch all word for all food) and you say no because you didn;t eat your tea and she just crumples into tearsas she is hungry

OI dont get the thing where some people think we know what kids want to eat and expect them to just acceopt it without any question

the best way to deal with fussiness IMVHO is not to turn it intoa blattle at all

she didn't want the soup so give her the banana
obvioulsy you say no to sweets, choc and crisps but some other food stuff that doesn't require any other prep is fine

also how you deal with mealltimes and feeding doesn't need to be exactly the same every minute of every day
you can stray from the norm occasionally and it wont make your children bratty, spoilt food monsters

chill is all I meant

also I just cant cope with the thought that the little baby was hungrry

I was reading your OP and thnking that you are doping right not to give in , i thought she was about 5.

when i read that she was 14 months my jaw literally dropped open.

No way should she be made to go hungry simply because she didn't want soup.
At her age it is better she eat anything than nothing.

I think that sending a child of any age to bed without any supper is child abuse. Saying its boardering on child abuse is an understatement. (Obviously a healthy child, not a child choosing not to eat)

Having food to satisfy basic hunger is a fundermental right. Just as not locked in a dark cupboard, or not being beaten senselss.

TrinityRhino, I see no reason why you should apologise. You are right that sending a child to bed hungry as a punishment is wrong.

Reallytired

If my dd who is 7 does not eat her dinner she gets fruit. Sometimes if she asks she gets a snack like toast before bed. That IS NOT child abuse. Children need to learn that they eat what they are given.

I think, OP, that you are trying to do the right thing in your parenting, but have not appreciated how incapable of manipulation a 14 month old really is. That is why you are getting a harsh response here, when really, you are trying to set up good habits. Presumably you slaved over the soup, trying to do the right thing etc etc.

Relax. Bananas are fine, very nutritious. She won't just eat bananas, I promise.

A little secret from me to make you feel better: last night my 3 year old was awake in the middle of the night and refusing to go back to sleep without me beside her. In desperation, I said that if she went straight to sleep she could have icecream for breakfast [shame].

She settled like a lamb but forgot my promise when breakfast came.

There are no hard and fast rules and we're all only doing our best, so cut yourself and your lovely little DD some slack

if my DS doesn't eat his dinner, I don't get upset about it, he just gets given fruit and fromage frais then off to bed.
I can understand why it is annoying, but save your energy for better things in life. It's not worth getting upset over.
YABU.
At least make sure your DD goes to bed with something in her tummy, she will at least be able to sleep through the night without feeling hungry.

I'm sure my children have gone to bed hungry on occasion.

Not because I have refused to feed them , but because they have not eaten the food that has been offered. I don't make a fuss, and I do give pudding if the main meal hasn't been eaten, but I don't offer alternatives. I do try to make sure that there is at least something in the meal that I know they will eat. But if they don't eat it it is their choice, and not my punishment.

14 months is way too young to start this of course. I agree with everyone else on that.

But I am, as I am fairly often, a bit at how quickly the charge of child abuse is rolled out on MN.

Why on earth should children always eat what they are given? Do you? I agree you don't want too much messing around - but in lots of ways children's attitude to food is way healthier than ours. Either way a banana is a perfectly decent choice, and she will eat better if she feels like she has some control. At 14 months mine was regularly having nothing but breastmilk and banana. In the long run (much longer) you could have a backup healthy option she can always have - peanut butter and toast? in case she doesn't like what you're serving.

just to add my DS is 17 mo, so he's of a similar age, at the really fussy eating stage some of them go thru. he doesn't always eat at breakfast time but makes up for it at tea time!!
they know what they want.

How does anyone know she was hungry ? surely if she was, she'd have eaten the soup ?

YABU. Bananas are good for you.