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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put DD to bed without any dinner...

298 replies

PeppermintPatty · 08/09/2008 19:07

...because she refused to eat what I've made made her.

She kept asking for a banana but I said no, she had to at least attempt to eat her soup.

She refused and had a massive tantrum She's only 14 months old, but very stubborn.

I'm certainly not going to make her something else, and I feel if I give in to her she'll be demanding a banana every meal time.

So I'm going to put her to bed without any dinner.

AIBU

OP posts:
HaventSleptForAYear · 08/09/2008 20:04

IKWYM greenand pleasant.

I don't like desserts so that argument never worked with me and doesn't work with DS1 who is totally disinterested in food.

noonki · 08/09/2008 20:04

my sister ate spaghetti, tomato ketchup and raisins for 10 months and not a thing else

she is now 35 hardly ever ill and eats more healthly and varied than most

just keep offering her lots of different things even if she refuses them

never let on that you are annoyed when she refuses food (even when she is 10)

food should be enjoyed, mealtimes should be fun

HaventSleptForAYear · 08/09/2008 20:06

PP we have this problem with snacking too.

Can you push dinner back a bit so she's hungrier?

My DS is at a childminder and has quite a big snack there.

Often he is too tired/excited/wound up when he gets home after a day at the cm and tea-time is the most difficult meal of the day.

I would be inclined to stand my ground a bit more for lunch but dinner is difficult at that age I think.

MegBusset · 08/09/2008 20:06

PP are the bananas in sight when she eats? I have to hide peas from DS when he has them with his meal otherwise he wants them and refuses his main! I hide the bowl of peas in the bread bin while he has his main, then bring them out afterwards.

Toddlers are funny creatures when it comes to food, you can't apply logic to them. You just have to experiment and find what works (and you can guarantee in two weeks' time it will stop working).

LazyLinePainterJane · 08/09/2008 20:08

Why would it be worse for her to have a banana for every meal than to have nothing?

Thing is, you think in adult terms, it's not as simple as "if she was hungry she would have eaten the soup"....she's only 1, she may not eat for plenty of reasons, usually stubbornness, getting a reaction out of you, maybe she just doesn't fancy it and wants a banana.

DO you always fancy soup?

nametaken · 08/09/2008 20:09

PP can you keep the fruitbowl hidden at mealtimes so she doesn't get distracted by the nanas?

sorry love, but not giving her the banana she asked for because she refused the soup is withholding food. There's no other term for it.

Soprana · 08/09/2008 20:09

Sorry, I'm with the bandwagon. My LO often doesn't eat what's been (painstakingly) prepared for her, so she gets the banana, or the yoghurt, or whatever she'll eat.

They lose weight really quickly at that age (mine is 15mo), so skipping food's not really an option. Bananas for a week wouldn't kill her. Not eating at all just might...

lardybump · 08/09/2008 20:09

My dd will eat anything that we have and is 16 months. A oouple of months ago she started to refuse to eat. I was really worried so when she wouldn't eat mains I got her something from the fridge ie fruit or yogurt or something.

My HV went mad at me and insisted that if she didn't eat what I gave her first then no alternative should be given. She said that my dd would learn from this and coudl end up just eating puddings.

Anyway I didn't listen to the HV and carried on and 2 days later dd was very ill. She had a D&V bug and didn't eat for days, and was admitted for dehydration. As soon as she was better she went straight back to eating everything again... She has since done this again but again she was very ill a couple of days later.

Also when ever she is teething she will only eat harder finger foods so maybe you dd is teething???

Just a thought.

greenandpleasant · 08/09/2008 20:10

PP, my post said it was a bit off topic re main course vs pudding issue. SOrry if I implied I meant that the banana was pudding in your case.

I know how frustrating it is when they refuse things that you know they like. I honestly don't think that babies this young get the whole "if you're hungry you'll eat" thing. If they see something they want they become fixated on that to the exclusion of everything else. DS has just started walking and that's all he wants to do now. he has a few spoons of a meal and thinks that he's finished. it is really hard to know where to draw the line between letting them have their way and making sure they've eaten as much as you want them to. but they will self-regulate and after a week of bananas dd may go back to the old favourites. very pleased she's had 2 bananas tonight, it's not a bad thing!

TheNinkynork · 08/09/2008 20:12

I've come to this late. Have you given her the fecking banana yet? And maybe a few few spoons of ice cream to make up for the fact that you have been so harsh?

bloomingfedup · 08/09/2008 20:13

YABU - a bit anyway. I always give DC a piece of fruit wether they eat their dinner or not. I would'nt make them something else ie toast but fruit is hardly a treat and that way you know DD has had something. I totally agree with standing your ground over food - even at this age.

TheNinkynork · 08/09/2008 20:13

Yes, just a "few few" spoons

SmugColditz · 08/09/2008 20:14

Haven't you tasted raspberries? fruit is gorgeous!

TigerFeet · 08/09/2008 20:16

Could it simply be that she has just learned to say "nana" and is trying to make her own choice about what she eats?

You are going to have far, far more important battles as she gets older, you need to relax and allow her a bit of choice.

At times, I would rather have a banana than soup. No one sends me to bed without dinner for it

I'm glad you gave her the banana, it's hardly a treat after all is it?

Original poster
PeppermintPatty · 08/09/2008 20:17

No bananas are not in sight, they are hidden away.

I can't believe how much some of you have over-reacted. Witholding food in my opinion means not offering ANYTHING. I made soup for her.
I'm not starving her.

If I'd not bothered to make her any dinner, and then she asked for a banana and I said no, that would have been witholding food.

OP posts:
bozza · 08/09/2008 20:18

I am 50/50 here. Think I would have given her something later. Also does she have milk at bedtime? Because if so you have not sent her to bed on a totally empty stomach.

BTW for those of you who say that unlimited bananas are fine because they are healthy, I disagree. Both of my DC would have been constipated with more than one banana per day at that age.

TigerFeet · 08/09/2008 20:18

fgs - sending a 14 month old to bed hungry, or even contemplating it, because she didn't want some soup is control freakery in the extreme

You are making me really cross

Poor baby

KVC · 08/09/2008 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nametaken · 08/09/2008 20:22

tell yourself that if it makes you feel better

Sidge · 08/09/2008 20:22

It will come back and bite you on the bum at 0200 when she is shrieking because she is hungry.

IMO at that age babies should be cut a bit of slack over food - they don't have the cognitive ability to understand that their dinner menu is so restricted, so they want what they want. And a banana is a pretty good alternative to soup.

SmugColditz · 08/09/2008 20:22

If you are doing stupid and inappropriate things like this when she is 14 months old, what are you going to be like by the time she's a defiant 5 year old?

It's a needless escalation of punishment for something that should not be punished. You've taught her nothing except that sometimes you don't feed her. Maybe she's gone off soup.

I'm strict at meal times, I don't run a short order cafe but my children are older and they understand that their dinner is their dinner, and they can TELL me if they really don't like it. Your baby can't function like that yet, but you are punishing her as if she had asked for something then refused to eat it. She didn't ask for soup.

FeelingLucky · 08/09/2008 20:23

PP - glad you've offered her two bananas now and not sent her to bed on empty stomach.
And sorry you're getting such a hard time about this ... but you did post on the AIBU topic.

bloomingfedup · 08/09/2008 20:24

I agree with what other posters have said about choice. I usually give a choice at breakfast and dinner (quickie) and tea is generally fixed - practicality issue.

TheNinkynork · 08/09/2008 20:27

Does she wake up when she's hungry at night?

Does she wake YOU up when hungry at night?

Will you give her the sodding soup then?

pointydog · 08/09/2008 20:28

The majority of children will not only eat one foodstuff. They might have a fairly narrow range of preferred food but it is highly unlikely they will only feed off bananas.