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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think dh should not have spent £50 on some flowers for my IL'd 50th Anniversary?

184 replies

GordonTheGopher · 02/09/2008 18:23

Money is tight.

Flowers die.

He went behind my back because he knew I'd be cross.

I am.

I would never dream of spending that much on my parents' anniversary.

AIBU?

If I am I will accept it and not put him in the doghouse tonight!

OP posts:

solo · 02/09/2008 23:00

50 years! most people don't get to 5 years these days and it is his parents. He shouldn't be made to feel bad. Pull your belts in for a month and swallow the 50 quid.
Oh! and start saving for their 60th.

Guadalupe · 02/09/2008 23:04

I would be annoyed that he had gone behind my back, but if I thought it was because he knew I'd be cross and he really wanted to do a particular thing for his parents I think I would let it go, especially as it's such a special occasion.

LazyLinePainterJane · 03/09/2008 07:47

Hang on, HANG ON!!!

"It sounds to me as if you had nothing planned and he was rather embarrassed, so got a large bouquet to make up for the lack of effort or interest."

SO it is now the responsibility of the OP to think of a present in advance to save money for the parents of her husband? Why couldn't HE have thought of something in advance? If he was so embarrassed he should have got his arse into gear beforehand.

However, I suspect the issue is that the DH is question has his head in the sand regarding their finances and to plan ahead would mean accepting that he cannot spend willy-nilly anymore.

JustineBumSex · 03/09/2008 09:12

But he is not spending willy-nilly, the OP herself said "he rarely buys anything". Given that, I am sure her DH would feel justified on spending £50 on a present for his parents.
And given that Gordon was on here bragging a few months ago about her ILs paying for them all to go on a luxury holiday, she is being very miserly for not wanting her hubby to spend that money on his parents.

solo · 03/09/2008 09:32

Lazy, most men don't remember their own anniversary, so how on earth could he be expected to remember his parents one? if of course that is the reason behind it.

zippitippitoes · 03/09/2008 09:33

gopher did the same in laws pay for you to go on a luxury holiday

TheHedgeWitch · 03/09/2008 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dropdeadfred · 03/09/2008 09:42

A few weeks ago I spent an eye-watering amount on flowers for my wedding. At the end of the night I made sure each of the 12 arrangements were taken home by friends or family....three weeks later people are STILL remarking to me about how beautiul they were, how they loved the scent of them when they walked into their house and my MUM still has some orchids from her bouquet that are still opening!!!

Yes flowers die, but whilst they are with you they look and smell beautiful, they lighten your mood and remind you every day you see and smell them of the person who bought them.

VictorianSqualor · 03/09/2008 09:44

If he sees £50 as the same way I see £20 then it's not the same.
You say he is still in batchelor mode? Well, I wouldn't think twice about spending £20 on a present for someone, I just wouldn't, and nor would DP, so if your DH is the same about £50 then the money itself isn't an issue.

What is is that he needs to realise exactly how tight finances are, could you do a spreadsheet to show him? Are they really that tight that £50 is going to cause a problem or are you very cautious with money?

I think YABU to say £50 on flowers isn't acceptable, it's my in-laws 25th anniversary the same weekend as my DS2s christening and FiL's birthday, I shall still be making sure we spend a considerable amount on their anniversary, we've just budgeted for it.

YANBU to expect to be consulted, but maybe he knew you'd veto it and really wanted to get them something.

VictorianSqualor · 03/09/2008 09:45

Oh, also, could you get a cheap flower press? That way they could press the flowers and they would last a lot longer.

hughjarssss · 03/09/2008 09:46

YABU. Its 50 years ffs.

Dropdeadfred · 03/09/2008 09:48

How much did you want him to send on his parents?

mm22bys · 03/09/2008 09:49

YABU. They are his parents, it's their 50th anniversary, I am sure they really appreciate it (even if they may think you (as in you and DH) maybe shouldn't have done it!)

claudiaschiffer · 03/09/2008 10:39

YABU in fact yab very u. Poor chap does have have to consult you on everything? Yesyesyes it is a fair amount of money and I know things are tight but they are his parents. 50 years is a big deal - cut him a little slack. He sounds like a lovely man to think of them and to make the effort to send them something.

Good idea to tighten your belts around christmas tho - DH and I don't buy anything for each other. We just spend a bit on the kids. We love each other, that's what matters.

Although DH if by any chance you are reading this then DIAMONDS are nice

fanjolina · 03/09/2008 10:41

And if you spent £25K on your wedding , surely you can understand someone wanting to spend a bit of money on a special occasion

claudiaschiffer · 03/09/2008 10:43

25K WHAT?!

Jeez no wonder you're now skint.

solo · 03/09/2008 10:44

I'm really hoping that my parents will still be around to celebrate their 50th in 4.7 years. I will be throwing some sort of celebration for them. I have no money either, but I wouldn't let it go...

For my parents 40th, I was going to take them out for a meal along with my brother and Sil, but my dad wasn't well and didn't feel up to a restaurant, so I ordered a take away curry from the very posh/expensive restaurant we would've been going to, a special made to order cake and got my brother and sil to mum and dads place to eat and celebrate. It was lovely! Oh! and I bought them matching Elvish Love rings as a gift as well. I say 'I bought all this because although my brother was supposed to go halves, he didn't(kind of typical and almost expected)and although I couldn't really afford to do it all by myself, I felt my parents were worth both the effort and money.

scaryteacher · 03/09/2008 10:45

I took the ILs, dh and ds to The Ivy for their 49th a month ago, and have already bought them their 50th present (an all singing/all dancing makes the toast Roberts wifi and DAB radio).

50 years is a huge achievement, and as my fil has prostate cancer, we celebrated now, just in case he isn't around next year.

I think YABU; you dh wouldn't be around if it wasn't for them, and what an example of staying in a relationship. He and you are lucky that they are still about for you.

zippitippitoes · 03/09/2008 10:46

gopher did you really spend 25k on your wedding

fanjolina · 03/09/2008 10:49

Yes zippi. Saw it in the search results when I was looking to see if OP had been given a holiday by the ILs that she resents her DH buying flowers for.

Double standards methinks

zippitippitoes · 03/09/2008 10:51

then i am speechless

claudiaschiffer · 03/09/2008 10:52

Lawks that's quite a lot of money to spend on something that doesn't last.

Sorry, obviously, I don't mean your marriage (how rude of me) I meant your wedding day.

But obv entirely up to you how you spend your money, just is quite a lot.

I bet it was a great wedding tho.

fanjolina · 03/09/2008 10:53

oh, forgot to give me opinion answer to the question.....YABU

Dropdeadfred · 03/09/2008 10:54

Is 25k alot? For a wedding?

Dropdeadfred · 03/09/2008 10:55

maybe that included the honeymoon?

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