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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh should not have spent £50 on some flowers for my IL'd 50th Anniversary?

184 replies

GordonTheGopher · 02/09/2008 18:23

Money is tight.

Flowers die.

He went behind my back because he knew I'd be cross.

I am.

I would never dream of spending that much on my parents' anniversary.

AIBU?

If I am I will accept it and not put him in the doghouse tonight!

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 02/09/2008 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

posieflump · 02/09/2008 19:02

yabu
If you had wanted a say in what he got them couldn't you have broached the subject?

LilRedWG · 02/09/2008 19:02

I'm the same Gordon, but really - some things just aren't worth it. It has made his parents happy on a very special day.

As horrid as it sounds, his parents may not be here for their next anniversary. It was my parents' 50th last September and my Mum has been seriously ill and nearly died last week - she's on the mend now, but came dangerously close to missing her 51st anniversary.

Sorry for getting all preachy. I'm feeling very protective of parents in general at the moment.

Bogwarts · 02/09/2008 19:03

YABVU. They are his parents. He is the one earning the money. Why can't he do something nice for such a major milestone. I bet his parents were delighted. You are way too controlling.

littlelapin · 02/09/2008 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GordonTheGopher · 02/09/2008 19:05

Yes I am controlling. But I also work and £50 is a lot. (I'm a cm!)

OP posts:
Bogwarts · 02/09/2008 19:08

I wasn't suggesting that the OP didn't work. I was just saying that he had earned the money. So regardless of whether she works or not, he should get some say in how it is spent. Particularly for a major milestone like this.

combustiblelemon · 02/09/2008 19:09

Spending £50 on flowers wouldn't bother me- I send flowers to my MIL because I know that she views them as an indulgence and she won't buy them for herself (because they die) but loves to receive them. Spending £50 when you're tight for cash after spending £50 on her birthday would have me bouncing off the ceiling.

AbbeyA · 02/09/2008 19:09

YABU. 50yrs is a very special occasion. It only works out at £1 a year. It would have cost him far more to take them out for a meal or throw a party.Flowers are lovely.

Overmydeadbody · 02/09/2008 19:09

Yes £50 is a lot of money to spend on something that dies, but it's your DH's choice, and if he wanted to send his parents flowers on their 50th anniversary he has every right to do that.

There's no point being annoyed now anyway, it won't get the £50 back will it!

nametaken · 02/09/2008 19:09

YABU

littlelapin · 02/09/2008 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogwarts · 02/09/2008 19:12

I dont think so. It is for his parents. Therefore his decision.
I wouldnt dream of telling my DH what he could or couldnt spend on his parents for their birthdays or anniversaries.

Original poster
GordonTheGopher · 02/09/2008 19:15

Er sorry no it's our money.

OP posts:
AbbaFan · 02/09/2008 19:18

YANBU

Me and my DH would have discussed a £50 present purchase.

Although, you have to give him points for arranging the present on his own. Present buying is all my job, in this house.

bubblagirl · 02/09/2008 19:18

i think yes even if money is tight id probably do it and i know my dp would for his parents too

money is tight but it can be earnt again and these situations will never come back and you dont want to be seen as the ones that didnt turn up for meal or get anything to symbolise such a special occasion

i can understand why you may be angry but its done now he didnt blow it at the pub or some useless piece of nothing he done it because he cares

as for the not consulting you maybe he knew you wouldnt agree and he loves his parents and didnt want to not do this he of course would feel more strongly about this than you being his parents as i would my own parents above my dp

i hope they have fun and enjoy there 50th

Tortington · 02/09/2008 19:18

its the manipulation and the lying and the deceipt - rather than the money on flowers - am i correct?

i dont think anyone could reasonably argue that it is ok to lie be manipulative etc

lulumama · 02/09/2008 19:19

agree with lapin. money spent is not the issue, he should have discussed it and you could have chosen something together, maybe something that would last longer than flowers, but all teh same, the amount is acceptable IMO for such a milestone. i would eat beans on toast for a month to buy my folks a decent anniversary gift.

bubblagirl · 02/09/2008 19:20

and i hope he earns that 50 pound pretty quick your not being unreasonable but neither is he he has spent that money for the right reasons in his mind and it is a big deal i guess for him to have his parents together that long he probably doesnt want to be the only one that doesnt get a mention in the lovely gifts or the presence at the meal maybe he feels left out

combustiblelemon · 02/09/2008 19:20

I'm not surprised you're , but there's not much you can do about it now- apart from venting on here .

It might be an idea to agree a maximum amount to be spent per adult and per child on Christmas gifts though. I know it's far too early, but if he's developing a tendency to get present giddy...

zippitippitoes · 02/09/2008 19:22

i think it would have been nice if you could both have agreed to spend it but tbh 50 years is a big occasion and flowers could have brough lots of pleasure and lasted much longer than a meal or experience

its a pity you couldnt see them tho..the ils not the flowers

Original poster
GordonTheGopher · 02/09/2008 19:22

Good point lemon!

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 02/09/2008 19:23

If you are both earning you both should be able to spend without having to get permission from the other person. The fact he didnt tell you speaks volumes to me, presumably he knew you would say no and he'd end up not getting them the present he wanted too.

50 years is something to really celebrate and I dont think £50 is an unreasonable amount to spend on his parents for this occasion. Especially as he wont be joining them for their celebration meal.

You should be glad he values his family and still has them around.

JuneBugJen · 02/09/2008 19:24

Yabu, sorry, but its a big deal, flowers are lovely. Its a shame he didnt consult you, perhaps just mention he ought to in future for anything over a certain amount.

but now, let it go.

Bogwarts · 02/09/2008 19:25

Maybe he had to lie because he felt the OP was too controlling and he wanted to do something special for his parents. He had a relationship with them long before he did with the OP. Therefore I am sure to him that it was important he respected it. And maybe, yes, that came at the price of disrespecting his relationship with his wife.