to think it's pathetic, the way people make out you can't love your child inlaws as much as your own children

[tigergirl]

just been reading a thread where they are saying that you love or worry about your own dc's more than your dil/sil.
surely it depends on your relationship with them.
what is it with some folk trying to win mother of the year award or something.

So you love your daughter unconditionally and as much as it is possible for a mother to love a child, yet, you also love her only as much as you love a random woman whom you didn't choose to know, whom you have only comparatively recently met and who simply happens to be your son's wife?
How odd.

I would find it extremely hurtfu if my mother decided that despite me being her only daughter (I have 3 bros) dhe loved herDIL justas much as me.
The love of a mother for her child has often been written about and pondered over..maternal love..as fierce as a lioness protecting her young....

No way would I exect my mum to feel like that about the girl who happened to marry my brother.

see thats what i don't get why anyone else finds it odd.

Sorry I actall think there must be a problem with the relationship with your daughter and yourself. It's just abnormal to love another adult in the same way you have loved your children

but a dil is not just the girl who happened to marry my son.
she is part of the family.

So you honestly wouldn't care if your DD said she loved her MIL just as much as you?

It's not about loving your dd less. My parents should love me more because I am their child. This other woman is not, she does not have the unique bond of having been their child and therefore they just shouldn't love her as much as they love me.
I do not understand at all.

Last week I thought I had lost my dd, we were playing in the garden, I popped into the shed, came out again and she was gone (turns out she can open the back door after all ). The feeling of utter panic and gut-wrenching fear I felt. The complete loss of rational thought. I'm sure all mums know what I am talking about. This is part of the bond that a parent has with their child. If it had been someone else's child I would have been worried but I doubt I would have run into the street screaming or collapsed crying on the floor for about 20 minutes when I found them the way I did with my dd.

It is just different - it is supposed to be. It is called NATURE.

Exactly...the maternal bond

Presumably your DIL alreday has/had a mother..she doesn't need you to be a surrogate at her age surely?

no i'd be happy for her.

She is part of the family BY marrying your son. That's the 'in law' bit of daughter in law
She is biologically unconnected to you.
If (heaven forfend) there was a terrible accident with you, DD, DS and DIL the DNA evidence would show you, DD & DS as family and DIL as some randon, unconnected person

It's perfectly fine for you to love her as much as you love your DD. That's YOUR prerogative. Whether or not my MIL loves me as much as her daughter, or less, or the same is HERS. It's not pathetic, just her feelings

so you actually think its hurtful to my dd for me to say i love my dil as much?

Okay then you don't ove your dd the way I lovemy three. I know this for a fact.

I could NEVER EVER love anyone the way love my daughters

Gosh, the mother child bond is a bit chilly in your family, isn't it?

no it's not chilly at all.

not normal

Yes, I do think it's hurtful. She probably won't tell you though, because she'll be worried about making you love her even less.

Perhpas you could answer the questions that have already been put to you, like how long have you knowne her, what happens if she divorces your ds. And how many children do you actually have

I'd be gutted if my mother decided that someone who married my brother was just as much her daughter as me or my sister. Gutted.

This is such an odd thread. Really not sure what to make of it. TigerGirl - Does your DIL have a mother? Do you expect her to love you as much as she loves her own mother?

FWIW - my mother loves Dh to bits, and will often back him up in an argument/debate (even if it's going against her usual stance!). TBH I find it at best a bit odd, and at worst quite hurtful.

if my mum told me she loved my brothers wife as much and the same as she loved me i would be very upset

well so many of you say you would be upset if i was your mother.
so you have got me thinkiing.

i see my dil everyday we live on the same road and i see my dd once a week or once a fortnight.
so maybe that's why.

i have 3 children

ikleboo - am slightly about your biological argumetn (but then I would wouldn;t I!) on that basis your DH would be classified as a random unconnected person!

Still think it is rare that a recent adult relationship can "compete" with a lifelong bond.

i dont think that would affect my relationship with anyone

how often i see them

What if your dil had as affair? Or chain smoked in front of your gc? Or hit them? Or made your ds' life really miserable? How would you feel about her then? Do your loyalities really not lie more with your ds?

And who are you really.....?

really naily? I haven't seen my fatehr for about 10 years, has definitely affected my relationship with him.