to think it's pathetic, the way people make out you can't love your child inlaws as much as your own children

[tigergirl]

just been reading a thread where they are saying that you love or worry about your own dc's more than your dil/sil.
surely it depends on your relationship with them.
what is it with some folk trying to win mother of the year award or something.

i want to know why they think its ok to say
poor dd, about my daughter

Isn't it fun when the OP launches into a massive insult of just about everyone in the world, then proves remarkably thin-skinned about themselves?

well have you known your dil since she was a child, does she live with you or is she the daughter of someone you have a very close bond with

if she is just the wife/gf/partner of your ds then it is unusual for you to have love her equally intensely as your own daughter

and it would be quite understandable for your dd to feel jealous

They're probably wondering why YOU think it's OK to call them 'pathetic' and asy they're 'talking shite' just becuase they have a different opinion to you

Ach Tigergirl - the answer to that question has already been made if you read between the lines. "Your poor dd" because many of us, it would appear, would be upset if our parents loved a DIL the same as us. Don't you get it? You are your dd's mum, you are supposed to love her more than anyone else (other siblings aside of course). That is why people think "your poor dd".

I would be gutted if my parents loved some random woman who had married into the family (decades after I had arrived in the family) as much as they loved me.

Boot on the other foot - do you think your DIL loves you exactly as much as she loves her mother (if she's still alive)

your not supposed to do anything.
why do you sem tot take it as i love my dd less?

What colour shall we paint the brick wall?

Not read whole thread.

Tigergirl I think it's great that you have the sort of relationship with your dil where you love her as much as your dd.

I find it truely astonishing though that you simply fail to understand why the vast majority of people would love their OWN dc's (adopted or biological - it really makes no difference) more than in laws. I simply can't understand why you would not get this even if it is not your way. This is clearly the way most people apart from some in exceptional circumstances would think.

I would never expect to love my future dil's more than my ds's - they (and my dh) are quite simply the light of my life and I would do anything for them. And although I very much hope I will have dil's who I love, for me it could never ever, however pathetic you think I am as a result, love them as much as my sons.

Well, it just seems a tad odd to feel the same maternal feelings for a random woman that one of your sons happened to marry as for the child you bore and nutured for decades. Nobody is suggesting you love your daughter LESS than your daughter in law, but more, given that you have only recently met your daughter in law, and didn't choose her, it seems odd you don't love your daughter more than this random person.

On the 'child of your DD compared to child of your DIL' issue, my mum once said something similar to Anna's, that if I was having a baby it would be very different to my SIL's having a baby. She never said she would love the child more just that the relationship would be different. Then when I told her I was pregnant (and me and DP have a happy, stable long term relationship) she just kept saying 'oh dear, oh dear' oh dear'. Go figure.

With regard to the OP, I wouldn't be very happy at all if I thought I was loved the same by her as my SIL's. I don't have a problem with her loving them, but I do feel I should just be that little bit more 'special'. stamps foot and pouts

Tiger..perhaps if you could tell us 'why' or 'how' you have come to love your DIL equally to your own dd we might not be so dumbfounded?

so what your trying to say is that if your mother loved your sil as much as you.
you would feel bad.

well why the hell should you feel bad about that?
if you love someone to the max you can;t love them anymore then the max.

because shes part of the family and she was also having my grandchild.

well i dont think tigergirl is willing to expand because ive asked her and she hasnt answered

i will also say that when it come to presents i spend more on my children than i do on their partners

Tiger - when did the love for her start? the minute you met her? the day they gotmarried? the day she got pg?

Um, well gee, let me see ... if a person held a gun to my son's and my son in law's heads, and told me to choose, how long do you think it would take? To the nearest nanosecond?

it just grew

Who would you choose, Tigergirl?

i wouldn't choose.

You are talking bollocks now..

nd tbh totally honest when am i ever likely to be in that situation?

no your talking bollocks

if she left your son and broke his heart would you still love her just as much?

So tigergirl what if you didn't choose so they both got shot?

ThatBigGermanPrison I am with you that I wouldn't even have to think about the choice!