to think it's pathetic, the way people make out you can't love your child inlaws as much as your own children

[tigergirl]

just been reading a thread where they are saying that you love or worry about your own dc's more than your dil/sil.
surely it depends on your relationship with them.
what is it with some folk trying to win mother of the year award or something.

because i was talking about what that person at work said to me

well i think you could feel quite emotional over childbrith but not the same thing as feeling equally as much love all the time and unconditionally for your own child

My mum loves her DIL. She would be devastated if anything happened t her, shewould be worried if and when she goes into childbirth.

BUT

she doesn't love her like she loves me... I's a parent thing.a mother thing..a daughter thing..

well maybe i am the one missing something then

thinking about this mil love i keep thinking what if i got married again lol

well..perhaps the close proximity and easy relationship with your DIL has made it easy to almost 'replace' the relationship you wished you had with your own DD?

Or am i talking our my arse?

Tigergirl...would you say that a mothers love to her own children is unconditional?

Would you also say that you would love any dil/sil the same unconditional way, or would you say, that if they suddenly really hurt your own child, the love you feel for them will simmer down?

YOu see, I love my children absolutely unconditionally...all I want for them is to be happy.
But my love for people I am less attached to is NOT as unconditional...not even my love to my Husband...and I do love him!

3andno more.

im not sure its totally unconditional, i mean if they became murderers or something im not sure.

well if she really hurt my ds, i would have to see who was to blame iykwim.

would you love yours dcs even if they became murderers?

i would start it as a thread but, it will get screams of troll!
although its quite an interesting question imo

hm...I would still love my child...I would support them.....I would not agree with what they did.....I would not condone it....and I would still want them to be punished as the law sees fit...but I will still love them....

although, if I truely would ...who knows...I have not got a grown up child, yet...

it would have to be a very disturbing crime for me to NOT love my child....they would have to commit childabuse...be psychopathic murderes....wifebeaters...for me to turn agains them, if I was to turn against them...

so, yes it is not a completely unconditional love , I suppose...but has far less conditions than any other love...

I had to add my own experience to this thread

I have toxic parents and was a mess psychologically until I met my DH

His family particularly his mother treat me like one of their own

My MIL has told me I am like a daughter to her. I will admit I love and respect her more than my own mother. She has shown me what a mother/child relationship should be like

that is sweet rose...

I have a good relationship with my Inlaws, and love my FIL like a Father, but, as I have a lovely mother (no father to speak off)..I just can't say that I love my mil like a mother....it would be disrespectful of my own mother....but she is a real lovely woman and I really like her...
and if I have a relationship with any future DIL the way my mil and I are, I will be happy....and, as I have no daughters...I might even end up loving her/them like a daughter....who knows....
I just still think it will still be a different relationship....

Tigergirl, I am curious, does your DIL love you as much as she loves her mother? Do you expect her to and do you think it strange and pathetic if she doesn't?

in my experience a pil can love a dil/sil as much as their own child. my nan worshiped my dad (her sil) and always refered to him as my 'fred' in the same way as she always called my mum my'jane'. my dad never had a good relationship with his own parents and when my nan died he was just as devestated as my mum. despite the many mother in law jokes he loved and respected her more than he did his own mum.

But the love develops differently, doesn't it? As has been said earlier, it's a different love. It's a love that's first shared out of a mutual love for someone (the husband/son, wife/daughter) and friendship, admiration, etc. It's origins are different, and are therefore different in effect - although just as genuine.

I think you can care for inlaws as much as for your parents/children, like them as much, but the love? It's different.

My view is that I'm not sure it's something you can measure/compare. I think love for your own child is very different to love for someone else.

I don't have a DIL but I do have a step-daughter. I love her dearly, treat her the same, she's part of the family etc - but it just isn't the same as the love I have for dd. The one with dsd has grown, the one for dd is instinctive.

But I can't say I love dd MORE than I love dsd. I can't say I love dsd AS MUCH as I love dd. I love them both. I love them differently.