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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's pathetic, the way people make out you can't love your child inlaws as much as your own children

267 replies

tigergirl · 01/09/2008 09:06

just been reading a thread where they are saying that you love or worry about your own dc's more than your dil/sil.
surely it depends on your relationship with them.
what is it with some folk trying to win mother of the year award or something.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 01/09/2008 11:16

lol tigergirl

RedFraggle · 01/09/2008 11:17

Anna, I do know where you are coming from although it is bound to be a contentious issue. In many families I know it is the women who make the most effort to stay in touch with families. Naturally they gravitate towards their own family automatically, therefore maternal grandparents often see more of their daughters children than their sons. As Kewcumber then points out, grandparents often feel closest to the grandchildren they spend the most time with and this is often their daughters family.

Original poster
tigergirl · 01/09/2008 11:17

anna why the hell do you think poor dd just because i love my dd the same
not more, the same.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 01/09/2008 11:19

but anna I do think the attrractions of each grandchild changes over time based on what you have in common with them and how much they need you. Mum is particularly close to DS partly because he adores her, and she loves the fact that he rushes in to see her and his face lights up when he spots her. Her other grandchildren are older and although they love her they don't have that childlike devotion which is so irresistable.

My mum is probably closer in some ways to my brother than my sister so I think the mother/daughter thing is overegged and is probably more dependant on the actual relationship with each individual child rather than their sex. But then my brother has many quite feminine traits (likes to talk and analyse relationships etc) and my sister many typically masculine (likes sport and hates "weakness")

Anna8888 · 01/09/2008 11:19

I'm not saying it's a universal truth. I'm saying "it's OK and nothing to be ashamed of" if it happens.

FWIW, my partner's sons are much, much closer to their paternal grandparents than to their maternal grandmother.

Original poster
tigergirl · 01/09/2008 11:20

anna you have really pissed me off with that poor dd comment.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 01/09/2008 11:21

Really? I think you started this thread looking for fight. Did you get out of bed the wrong side?

Original poster
tigergirl · 01/09/2008 11:22

how dare you say that about my dd.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 01/09/2008 11:23

But tigergirl shouldn't your children know that no-one will ever take their place and that you'll always be on their side?

Kewcumber · 01/09/2008 11:23

I don't think saying mothers are closer to their daughters is non-PC. Poeple have said it on here quite often. I think its a sweeping generalisation and not necassarily true but I don't see why its a problem to say its true in your family (though perhaps coming from a family with three generations of girls you perhaps don't have much experience of male blood relations)

Anna8888 · 01/09/2008 11:24

Exactly VS

Kewcumber · 01/09/2008 11:24

"I'm not saying it's a universal truth. I'm saying "it's OK and nothing to be ashamed of" if it happens" cross posted with that comment which I do agree with.

Original poster
tigergirl · 01/09/2008 11:25

i am always on their side.
and loving someone as much is not taking their "place"

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 01/09/2008 11:26

KC - I do have a father, you know - it wasn't an immaculate conception . And he has two brother and two sisters... and there are lots of men around.

Anyway, you always want to disagree with everything I post, so let's leave it before I get too tired to do my chores.

Bumperlicious · 01/09/2008 11:26
Anna8888 · 01/09/2008 11:26

OK then - x-post.

Original poster
tigergirl · 01/09/2008 11:26

probably beacuse your talking shite.

OP posts:
RedFraggle · 01/09/2008 11:27

I would be very upset if my parents loved my my brothers wife as much as they loved me. I am their daughter. She has merely married their son.
I would expect them to love their grandchildren equally.

Kewcumber · 01/09/2008 11:28

tiger out of interest - do you understand that you are in the minority loving your DIL as much as your DD?

I don't think any of my parents or brothers or sisters would think their in-laws loved them as much as their children. So I don;t think its anything to do with whether you have a DIL or not. My parents broke up after being together 40 years and my mother has only seen her MIL once in ten years since. She is sad about it but not devastated in the way she owuld be if she hadn;t seen my father for 10 years.

VictorianSqualor · 01/09/2008 11:29

Exactly redfraggle.

tg how can you tell them that you are always on their side etc yet have their brother's partner afforded the same place in your heart?

Kewcumber · 01/09/2008 11:30

"you always want to disagree with everything I post" bope - I disagree with with a lot of what you post but don't particularly want to, we just believe differnt things.

Anna8888 · 01/09/2008 11:30

God I would hate it if my MOL loved me as much as she loves my partner. What ghastly pressure.

Kewcumber · 01/09/2008 11:30

bope = nope!

Monkeytrousers · 01/09/2008 11:32

of course it;s not pathetic - just because you might love your biological children more doesn';t mean you don't love your non biological children at all

zippitippitoes · 01/09/2008 11:32

i think there are some people who have problems with their own parents showing greater love for their ex than for themselves