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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Message to the mother in Starbucks in Derby , if you are a mnetter. Please don't call your child....

231 replies

AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 17:27

stupid or a weirdo. It's really not very nice and it made my son and I really sad to hear this. Also, please do't rush her when she's eating because you have things to do. Telling her to hurry up 7 times in 5 minutes is OTT. Would it have killed you to be patient? It was not as if she was eating slowly though was it? Then you moaned at her for getting chocolate under her fingernails.

Rant over.

OP posts:

CissyCharlton · 26/08/2008 20:29

Good god, just read my post and I sound twee. I'm not, but sentiment remains unchanged.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 26/08/2008 20:32

msdemeanor - what on earth are you on about? No idea how you get that from what I posted.

PuppyMonkey · 26/08/2008 20:35

Tutter, it's very sophisticated in Derby these days doncha know?

Original poster

AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 20:37

They have three starbucks in Derby Tutter! It's supposto be a city!

Thanks for all the posts. I just felt so sad for this little girl. She was trying so hard not to cry. I can't reply to all of them as I don't have time. I have read them all though.

I agree with you tutter. Society should criticise because this is how things change. Like smoking isn't acceptable anymore or drink driving.

OP posts:

chocolatecakeforbreakfast · 26/08/2008 20:41

i call my dc's weirdo all the time - but only ever in a jokey way. My DD especially is always doing funny dances / faces etc and i always say 'what ARE you up to you weirdo'. We tend to joke about a lot, think it strengthens our relationship in a wierd sort of way - but i can understand that if someone heard me whilst we were out they could read it as something very different.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 26/08/2008 20:56

Its very odd thing in my house about the "naughty" label.

My DD will put her bum in gear and listen to me if I say "stop doing that, its naughty, stop being a naughty girl" and she will say she doesn't want to be naughty. So I say "stop doing x and you wont be naughty" so she'll stop.

Saying "stop doing that otherwise I'll smack your bum" means she says something like "you cant, I'm sitting down" or something smarty pants. (Note, she doesn't ever get a smacked bum, but idle threat an' all). She just listens and responds more at the idea of becomming naughty if she doesn't iyswim.

She's not yet three by the way, far too young to be a smart alec!

In Notts, we tend to call people Muppets, I dont know why.

lovecat · 26/08/2008 21:02

I call DD a weirdo with embarrassing regularity and she knows it's a joke - in fact she refers to orange and cranberry juice as 'weirdo juice' and drinks it in order to have licence to be all giggly and silly.

Nasty if this woman called her dd names to make her cry, though

But I can sympathise with the 'hurry up' thing - I don't do this anymore (she's worn me down) but I do tend to go off into a brown study when she's fart-arsing about eating her double chocolate muffin carrot sticks by the crumbful and anyone looking at us would probably think what a horrible, disinterested mother (when I've already told her ten stories, played several games of chase/going on a bear hunt/hide and seek already that morning and quite frankly have HAD ENOUGH for the next ten minutes)!

Kewcumber · 26/08/2008 21:10

if she was in that big a hurry, couldn't she have taken what was left of the muffin with them and left?

PMSl at the judgefest that is MN frowning upon OP passing on judgement...

CissyCharlton · 26/08/2008 21:11

I've been laughing at the irony of that too Kew.

msdemeanor · 26/08/2008 21:23

Oh, sorry Iamnot, just thought that if you felt confident enough to criticise on the basis a scant post, you must be perfect in every way. I am only too aware of how imperfect I am.
I think being taken to starbucks for chocolately treats hardly counts as child abuse.

Kewcumber · 26/08/2008 21:25

do you think that people who buy muffins for their childrne can;t possibly be vile to them then? (I have no idea in this case, but surely emotional abuse with plenty of material things is hardly uncommon)

Kewcumber · 26/08/2008 21:28

and whilst I'm in "judgy judge" mode saying someone is "not nice" and makes you "sad" is hardly a massive judgement. on the Kewcumber scale of judgement where screaming "You evil witch"is a 10 and "oh dear" is a 1, it barely as a 2.5.

blueskythinker · 26/08/2008 21:28

Well I judge all the time, and if I had seen this, would have put on my XL judgypants. It doesn't really matter what the actual words were, it was the public humiliation of the little girl, who in the words of the OP seemed like she was going to cry. I hope the Mum was just having a really bad day, and doesn't do this all the time.

Kewcumber · 26/08/2008 21:29

it barely registers as a 2.5.

Tutter · 26/08/2008 21:30

indeed kewc

i bet all these an-tie-judgers are the worst in rl

non-stop tut-fest i'd wager

Kewcumber · 26/08/2008 21:35

oh Tutter - DS had first big boy haircut today at barber in Kew. [SOB] my lovely scruffy haired urchin has a short back and sides [sob]

Tutter · 26/08/2008 21:46

ah bless him

was he ok?

was kit the polish (?) guy - used to do dh's hair

we finally got ds1 into a barber at the weekend

it took a lot of cajoling (i.e. bribes and comics) to get him to stay put but it worked - his first proper haircut ever (excludes my poor efforts when he was asleep in car seat)

Tutter · 26/08/2008 21:47

(kit???)

Original poster

AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 21:51

I don't think I was judging her, I just felt for the little girl. It was heartbreaking to sit and watch her holding it in. I could tell she was going to cry, so could ds. He asked me later if I would ever say anything like that to him. I don't thik she was an evil witch by the way, she just didn't seem to see how she had made her child feel by saying this to her.

I don't think I should be shot for this. Some of you have admitted to saying these things to your own children. There's no harm if your child understands that it's a joke and you don't mean it. This little mite didn't see it this way.

Maybe all those who criticise me should have been there first so they could have seen this poor child's face for themselves.

OP posts:

AbbeyA · 26/08/2008 21:53

I would be just like you AvenaLife - I long to say something in that sort of situation.

Original poster

AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 21:57

Well, if I get this sort of reaction of here then I'm not surprised that people don't say anything.

Thankyou for all of those in support.

Thanks AbbeyA.

OP posts:

AbbeyA · 26/08/2008 22:00

That's why I like mumsnet, it is the only place that you can say what you think! It means that if you are honest you generally manage to upset someone! You very rarely get everyone in agreement.

WilyWombat · 26/08/2008 22:03

I think that is the difference - whether the child perceives it as a joke or is hurt by it. I dont think many of us claim to be perfect, I saidto DS at bed time today " Mummy was horrible in the sports shop today wasnt she?" (I was veering into scary football boots and shinpads territory, no one to help and didnt have a flamin clue what I was doing) but they just laugh at me tell me Im grumpy if either had been upset by me I would have been devastated.

Hell if id paid for a muffin & drink in Starbucks id drag it out for as long as possible and be determined to enjoy it at that price

Original poster

AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 22:03

Yes, I've noticed that. I did expect that people wouldn't agree, I couldn't think of where to post though. I don't think I should have put it on the AIBU part. Doh!

I don't mind all the opinions, I'm shocked at the ones that thought this was OK though or was OK because the mum was probably having a bad day. There's no excuses for this IMO.

OP posts:

WilyWombat · 26/08/2008 22:07

Actually Avena this was really mild...ive been told to f off twice today

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