Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Message to the mother in Starbucks in Derby , if you are a mnetter. Please don't call your child....

231 replies

AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 17:27

stupid or a weirdo. It's really not very nice and it made my son and I really sad to hear this. Also, please do't rush her when she's eating because you have things to do. Telling her to hurry up 7 times in 5 minutes is OTT. Would it have killed you to be patient? It was not as if she was eating slowly though was it? Then you moaned at her for getting chocolate under her fingernails.

Rant over.

OP posts:
Original poster
AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 23:31

We don't need Waitrose, we have Ocado deliveries instead! Not for me though. I'm cutting back (trying to that is). I call ds a silly narna when he's being daft. He knows that I don't mean him though. I would stop if I could see I'd upset him and not throw another remark. I could never call him stupid though, but that's just me.

I have bad days with ds. I give him the laptop and he's quiet. Sorted!

I like the term Muppet. I'll have to remember that.

OP posts:
Original poster
AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 23:35

We only went in for an hour to see how much it would cost on the bus to get ds to school. His feet were starting to hurt (he's got flat feet so his legs and feet get quite painful)so we jumped in Starmucks. I think there's some extra buses from Burton so that could be why it was busy. We walked past, they were ALL loaded up with Primark bags. They don't do stuff overnight here Sue, they'd rather piss people off instead.

OP posts:
3andnomore · 26/08/2008 23:36

aren't you lucky...doesn't work with my 3...well, with es it would, but than he isn't the problem

Original poster
AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 23:39

I think it's different when you shout at your monsters kids if they are being annoying or in danger, she was just sitting and eating though. Not a word came out of the little girl. Everyone knows kids can be a complete pain in the bum, we all understand it's just that there's a line though. It's like smacking, there's a line between discipline and abuse (not that I condone smacking, it's parental choice ). She should have known when she called her a weirdo that she had upset her because I could tell. She was just oblivious.

OP posts:
mistyamica · 26/08/2008 23:40

As mums we can be really overprotective about our dc's. I know I am sometimes! I get mad when I am out walking with my 5 month old and I have the decency to shade him from the direct sunlight. I get mad when I see babies squinting in the sun and upset. Their mothers not giving a toss.

But just because those mothers didn't shade her baby doesn't mean to say that they are crap moms!

I think that unless children are in imminent danger then we should really keep our opinions to ourselves as everyone does things differently!

You must know as a mum that kids play up all the time? Maybe someone has heard you telling your child to 'hurry up' and then thought you were a terrible mum?
(I'm sure you are a very good mum!)
Just don't judge people on their bad days

Original poster
AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 23:41

ds is quite a good kid on the whole. He can be mature when he wants. He's easy to control when he isn't. I know not all kids are like this though. I don't know how some of you do it. I take my hat off to you.

OP posts:
3andnomore · 26/08/2008 23:41

my kids actually managed to piss me off at Softplay....which they normally don't do....normally they just run about like loons and all that....we have had bad days since last week and today I was at end of my tether.....and them effing about really did not help....and on the subsequent shopping trip to asda I was ready to hand them over to Social Services myself, lol

3andnomore · 26/08/2008 23:44

avena...we just shout a lot

d id I say that out loud

Original poster
AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 23:46

To be blunt misty, it didn't look as if she was having a bad day. She'd finished her drink and was waiting for her little girl. She wasn't being disruptive, she wasn't running around or even talking. I don't know what had happened before though and I'm not trying to judge her, I just saw how much she had upset her daughter. I don't think there are any excuses for this. To say things to a child out of anger or fear is one thing. To say they are stupid etc because they have chocolate under their nails is another. The poor child was almost crying. There really is no excuse for that. If her mum had have hit her would you still think the same? She may have well have done from the upset in that child's face.

OP posts:
SueW · 26/08/2008 23:46

LOL at they'd rather piss people off!

I regularly travel A52 from Nottingham to Derby. The maintenance e.g. grass cutting/strimming at least up to Bardill's island from Nottm seems to take place at night so I was gobsmacked to see these two crews of approx 8 men in each sweeping today whilst the traffic was backed up for over 2 miles!

It did look nice where it had been done though It's amazing when you look just how much rubbish does pile up in the middle.

We did Primark too. I'm not v impressed that children (girls anyway) have to go down two floors to the ladies' changing rooms from the children's dept because there are none on the 1st or 2nd floor they can use.

Loved the chicken tikka kebab on naan from Hana Puri. Choose that over Starbucks anyday. A meal for not much more than the price of a Starbucks drink.

Sorry for hijack

Original poster
AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 23:49

Lol! I think there's a big difference in shouting to control your children and making them feel like shit though 3andnomore. Little darlings are maniacs most of the time anyway and parents normally don't say things to purposly try and belittle them or insult them (I hope). My mum used to do this. I think that's why I picked up on it. It's really cruel.

OP posts:
Original poster
AvenaLife · 26/08/2008 23:54

Hijack away sue . ds doesn't do spicy food (what a shame ) so we normally end up having a toastie from a little Italian cafe in the shopping centre. Starbucks is a bit of a rip off. The coffee's not very nice, ds's toffee/chocolate thing was overpriced and titchy.

I have not ventured into Primark yet. They had one when I first moved to Derby. I remember walking past and seeing a little boy taking a leak inside the window. It summed it up for me I'm afraid. They had people waiting for 5 HOURS to get in when it opened.

I like Monsoon sale. I can't afford it full price so I have to wait.

OP posts:
mistyamica · 27/08/2008 00:02

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand where you are coming from avena. I don't like seeing children being made to feel useless.

If I was there I would have wanted to give that little girl a big hug and tell her she is fine as she is! Her mother was out of order calling her an idiot. And you can't expect kids to eat a chocolate cake/muffin without getting their hands dirty!

But as I said before maybe the mother was having a bad day and probably wasn't thinking straight. I've said things to my ds before that I have later felt guilty about. Although i've never called him stupid.
Maybe she later realised when she had calmed down what she had actually said to her little girl and felt guilty about it? She probably gave her a huge cuddle before bed to apologise? You never know!

3andnomore · 27/08/2008 00:05

I think....and this will sound kinda sd....but the child got upset and that could be a good sign....it hopefully means the child was not used to it on a daily basis....

Original poster
AvenaLife · 27/08/2008 00:11

I really hope so. I hope she saw me trying to stare her out and this made her think . ds was sitting next to me, reading and being perfectly behaved. He kept putting his arm around me and telling him he loved me. God! I'm hardly the perfect mummy! She's probably written a thread somewhere about me and my vomitus well behaved affectionate child.

OP posts:
3andnomore · 27/08/2008 00:14

lol...Avena...admittedly origianlly I thougth it was a "smug" thread...but after ovrecoming my own grudge wiht my Kids, I did see where you were coming from!

MamaMimi · 27/08/2008 00:14

Well, Avena, since you were there and could tell the manner in which this mother was speaking to her child I would completely take your word for it that it was unnecessary.

It bothered you enough to come along and post about it, so obviously you could tell it wasn't done in a jokey way. And at least the consensus of opinion here seems to be that that is the only way it would be acceptable.

And if it had been I'm sure it would not have bothered you at all as you would have seen that the child was taking it that way and was having a laugh with her mum.

IMO you are right - there is no excuse for any parent to upset their child with the things they say if they are saying it in a nasty way.

Original poster
AvenaLife · 27/08/2008 00:19

Thanks ladies .

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 27/08/2008 00:39

Of course you were right to post this, Avena.
The trouble with aibu is that people will always reply just to tell you that you are.
I have seeen posters habitually pluck an argument out of thin air. It's their thing.
So keeep posting, I enjoy your inoput

handlemecarefully · 27/08/2008 01:27

I must confess I have called 6 year old dd stupid at times - generally when, well ...eerrr, she has done something stupid....!

She has good self esteem though - because the praise and love she receives completely swamps the occasional irritated bit of invective that comes her way

handlemecarefully · 27/08/2008 01:30

Damn ! I wish I had reworded that last sentence...v v poor English (looks 'stupid' )

Original poster
AvenaLife · 27/08/2008 01:35

Aww, thanks mrsgruffallo.

Don't worry handleme. I make myself look stupid all the time and you are not a patch on me!

OP posts:
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 09:00

"Oh, sorry Iamnot, just thought that if you felt confident enough to criticise on the basis a scant post, you must be perfect in every way. I am only too aware of how imperfect I am.
I think being taken to starbucks for chocolately treats hardly counts as child abuse."

Really misdemeanor, did you read my post? Did I even mention child abuse? I really object to your assumptions about me.

TotalChaos · 27/08/2008 09:13

the hurry up bit wouldn't bother me (as could be getting an hourly bus home/going to some sort of appointment) - the rest of it does sound grim though.

Pawslikepaddington · 27/08/2008 09:21

Can I ask a question? I told my dd to stop being so stupid, as she kept stopping in the middle of busy roads when crossing. And at the other side (when narrowly missed by motorbike) I shouted "you stupid child!" - is that the same kind of thing? I feel so bad now.