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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a shitty way to treat your MIL?

118 replies

Communion · 20/08/2008 14:50

My mother went to stay with DB and SIL to look aftrer DN while thier nanny was on holiday.

She looked after DN for 2 days, cooked a meal one night for DB and SIL when they got in from work and next night told them to go out and she would babysit.

She bought herself an MS ready meal to eat that night. DB set up a DVD in front room for her to watch whle they were out.

Just before they want out mum said 'I'll eat on a tray and watch DVD'.

SIL retorts 'no way, no food gets eaten in front room.' So Mum ate ready meal in kitchen and then watched DVD.

Mum has been quite offended by this. I'm pissed off with the attitude on her behalf (there are many other exmpales of similar).

Are we unreasonable? is SIL reasonable?

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 20/08/2008 14:52

sil is ungrateful snob imo.tell your mum if she wants to come look after my dc she can eat where she wants-and she can have dvd plus wine/choc

Sparkletastic · 20/08/2008 14:52

Incredibly rude of SIL - she needs to unclench her buttocks big time!!

goingslowlymad · 20/08/2008 14:53

It may have been an immediate response from your SIL and she may not have stopped to think what she was saying as it's a blanket rule in their house.

I can imagine myself saying something similar, then kicking myself afterwards because of how rude it is.

andiem · 20/08/2008 14:53

I agree with cheesie what a cow
your poor mum
my mum could swing from the chandeliers naked if she wanted when she babysits
as long as dcs are asleep of course

olympicsnotfederer · 20/08/2008 14:54

sil needs to apologise for her outburst

nametaken · 20/08/2008 14:54

It was rude of your SIL to say this. However, if my sister in law said this to me I would just wait until she left, then do it.

Gateau · 20/08/2008 14:54

If I was your mum I wouldn't be too quick to offer to babysit again

RubySlippers · 20/08/2008 14:55

if i had been your MIL i would have eaten my dinner in front of the telly regardless

how spectacularly ungrateful of your SIL

nappyaddict · 20/08/2008 14:55

imo YABU not SIL

laweaselmys · 20/08/2008 14:57

I'm sure people will disagree with me, but the MIL is an adult eating food of a tray - I'm sure she can manage to not spill any food on the sofa, or if she did, clean up appropriately. Assuming that anal retentiveness over having a clean front room is the issue, I think SIL is being very unreasonable.

starzzz · 20/08/2008 14:57

I understand the "no eating in front room" thing, as accidents do happen, but i would have said it in a much nicer way.

But.. as goingslowlymad said, it may have just been a reflex / habit thing to say, and which may have been said loads of times to their own DD.

I wouldnt really get worked up about it tbh.

tiredemma · 20/08/2008 14:58

NA- why do you think that the OP is being unreasonable.

I think SIL sounds like a muppett

Gateau · 20/08/2008 14:58

When your MIL is good enough to step in and do someone else's job and look after your DD/DS for two days, I think you have to go some way towards pleasing them, whatever your 'house rules' are.

Dropdeadfred · 20/08/2008 14:59

your brother should also have told his mum that she could eat where she liked

nappyaddict · 20/08/2008 15:03

as they say when in rome do as the romans do

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 20/08/2008 15:04

SIL sounds uptight.

tiredemma · 20/08/2008 15:05

I think its incredibly patronising and downright rude tbh. Especially when you have given up your time to look after the DC and suggested that they have a night out.

The MIL is not a child, she is hardly likely to smear the walls and furniture with the food is she?

Original poster
Communion · 20/08/2008 15:05

Fair enough to have no eatingg as general rule.

But surely when some has benn doing you a huge favour for 2 days and you are then going out whilst they look aftre your child, you should be able to alter your rule on this occasion?

Gratitude, appreciation and feelings more important than rules imo.

maybe it was just a reflex, but then wouldn't you realise and make amends along the lines of oh but on this occasion I'm sure it won't matter.'

OP posts:
alicet · 20/08/2008 15:06

at sil!

With dropdeadfread though that your brother should have laughed it off and told mum to eat where she likes. Can't believe sil would behave like this. I am spectacularly grateful when mum / mil do this kind of thing for me - she wouldn't have had to buy her own ready meal either but I guess thats another issue...

I am probably less houseproud than your sil though so interesting to see what others who are not think...

Original poster
Communion · 20/08/2008 15:06

SIL is uptight.

OP posts:
laweaselmys · 20/08/2008 15:07

do you have to do what the romans do when the romans aren't there?

I feel we have unearthed a deep philosophical question.

alicet · 20/08/2008 15:08

agree with nappyaddict on the when in rome thing to some extent but ffs this woman has been doing them a massive favour, she is an adult who can surely eat without making a mess and they aren't even in! If I was her I would have done it anyway!

Original poster
Communion · 20/08/2008 15:13

When I have guests I tyr to make the feel comfortable, rather than insisting on rules being enforced, I would make exceptions for guests even if they weren'tdoing me a favour.

I thought that was just good manners? and in return guests attempt to be helpful and undemanding.

Again basic manners,no???

I can't imagine having a 'when in rome' mentality to guests, unless their requests were really unreasonable.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 20/08/2008 15:15

I would have developed a stomach ache during the evening and had to call your sil and brother back from their night out so I could go home.

stillstanding · 20/08/2008 15:18

I agree, Communion. Guests should be made to feel welcome and relaxed in your home and the house rules should bend to accommodate them ESPECIALLY when your guest is doing you a huge favour. SIL being unbelievably rude and Mum far too nice. i would have a quiet word with DB about it.