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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To secretly think my friend who works full time should actually spend some of her holiday time with her kids instead of them being in the kids club all day every day?

149 replies

chelsygirl · 03/08/2008 08:39

I know this is a hornets nest, but it makes me wonder when my friend who is working about 50 hours a week goes on her two weeks with her kids and they spend every hour in the kids club until it shuts

My friend says "oh they love the club", but at age 3 and 5 wouldn't they enjoy spending a bit of time with mum and dad?

She and her husband sunbathe all day and go for a leisurely lunch each day, which does sound good, but surely not every day of the holidays?

I know there will be posts of "pass the popcorn/has this kicked off yet", but as I wouldn't want to upset my friend telling her my opinion I'm venting here

OP posts:
GordonTheGopher · 03/08/2008 08:41

No I agree with you!

Original poster
chelsygirl · 03/08/2008 08:43

I was waiting for the "how dare you judge your friend" comments!!

I know my friend works hard and needs a rest and a bit of me time on her holiday, btu I feel its so selfish of them to not want to spend any of the days with the kids

OP posts:
peggotty · 03/08/2008 08:46

I don't think that they are unreasonable to put the kids into a club for part of the day - they work really hard by the sounds of it, and looking after children is also hard work, especially on holiday I think (out of routine etc) but not all day everyday. Are you sure they are in the club ALL day?

Love2bake · 03/08/2008 08:50

I agree - poor kids, I bet they just want to spend some time with thier mum and dad

I know someone similar. She was telling lot's of us that her and DH had booked up a fab 'family' holiday. The kids had been booked up to do activities all week, so she could shop and get facials , how is that a great family holiday!!!!

barnsleybelle · 03/08/2008 08:53

I wouldnt do it. We can never wait to get our hands on our kids on hols. Ds goes to kids club for a couple of hours a day but i dont put the baby in a creche.

She does work hard though, and maybe as the kids are so used to nursery etc, it is what they prefer!!!

PeaMcLean · 03/08/2008 08:53

I was about to come on here and kick off but then read the OP. That does sound sad. Poor kids.

tiredemma · 03/08/2008 08:54

We have done this on holiday, most often at the request of the boys.

It is nice to lie undisturbed by the pool.

Doodle2U · 03/08/2008 09:00

My Mumsnet persona wants to disagree with you but my real self says "Nah, there's a bit of balance lacking there, by the sounds of things".

YANBU to secretley think it but you're right - open your gob to your friend and she will be upset AND regardless of how well you think you know them, you (nor we) have the full picture. So leave it be!

aGalChangedHerName · 03/08/2008 09:03

I would never ever say to your friend how you feel and always keep it to yourself.

I CM and i have had parents like that too. Say i am on 2 weeks hols they use one of my friends rather than keep dc with them.

Poor kids

mrsruffallo · 03/08/2008 09:07

I agree. It seems that some parents just do not want to spend any time with their children.

Love2bake · 03/08/2008 09:10

I a CM too, and last year one of my parents changed to full-time work because she didn't like being with her kids - Im not judging the mum, just feel a bit sad for her that she doesn't enjoy being with her kids.

ConstanceWearing · 03/08/2008 09:10

Reminds me of that book 'Flowers in the Attic'. You spend so much time without them that in the end you don't want to spend time with them.

twinsetandpearls · 03/08/2008 09:12

You are not being unreasonable to think it but you would be to say it. I would not put dd in a club every day but she would probably love it.

psychomum5 · 03/08/2008 09:12

thing is tho, the children probably do love it......and if the parents are not used to spending their entire day being hands on with their children, I would bet that all get rapidly very very bored, and would then all hate the holiday.

if both of the children are in full-time childcare back at home, then they are probably used to the routine apsect of it all, and the entertaining aspect of it too.......so altho they are doing the same on holiday, for them, it is a holiday ......they have new friends to make and new things to do. do not forget, holday clubs can be very very exciting with the different things that they do.....beach games if close enough, swimming pool games, lots of out-doorsy stuff.

and if the parents do work hard, they will want to rest and recharge.......even working parents get knackered from the monotony (sp) of housework/childcare/work etc.

I would not do this personally, but then I am very lazy on holiday and like to just 'go-with-the-flow', taking each day as it comes, but then, I am a SAHM of five and cannot afford a holiday abroad with all the kiddies clubs etc. If I could, you can bet I would get my children in them as they would then play and have fun of the childish type, while I had fun of the adult type!

I know it sounds very sad for your friends children, but they are used to this, and they would most likely not enjoy a holiday anyway unless being entertained. and they are still with their mum and dad......I would bet that your friend still has them for meal times and that is their bonding time.

amidaiwish · 03/08/2008 09:13

i have found that the more time I spend with them the more "in sync" we get and the easier it is with them

however i have been on holidays with friends whose kids have only been interested in the kids club and get bored so so easily. In her situation i would have put them in the kids club as much as they wanted to.

i think kids are different. mine crave "daddy time" so no way would they go to a kids club for long on holiday. the odd morning here or there but that is it. Other kids do want to be "in the mix" and with lots of kids all the time.

different strokes, different folks i guess.

ilovemydog · 03/08/2008 09:16

Are you sure that the kids clubs are all day?

aGalChangedHerName · 03/08/2008 09:17

Parents have said to me that because they spend so little time with the dc when they work full time they literally don't know what to do with them.

It is easier to keep them to the normal routine eg away from them as much as possible.

Which is kind of sad whichever way you look at it.

almostblue · 03/08/2008 09:19

As someone has already mentioned, we don't have a very full picture, do we? 'Being used to full-time childcare' isn't actually the same thing as 'being used to your parents not wanting to hang out with you when they aren't at work'. What happens in their house at weekends, chelsygirl?

reethi96 · 03/08/2008 09:21

The children are having more fun in the kids club than they would if they were sunbathing with mum and dad all day. Your friends sound like a couple of bores.

kittywise · 03/08/2008 09:23

Poor kids. I think she sounds a very selfish mother. I think her behaviour is emotional neglect.
I do wonder why some people have kids.
Well it'll all come back to bite on the backside in a few years time

almostblue · 03/08/2008 09:28

Don't forget the father, kittywise! While you're in judgemental mode - surely you've got something you can throw at him, too? Or, when these poor, emotionally neglected children walk into a primary school with firearms, will it only be ALL HER FAULT?

Dilberta · 03/08/2008 09:36

surely they worked hard to afford a nice holiday FOR their kids? Yet they don't want to be with them?
I find it sad but then I enjoy being with mine. If the kids don't like it, when they are teenagers they will turn round and tell her.

belgo · 03/08/2008 09:39

The children probably enjoy being in the kids club all day because they are not used to being with their parents all day every day.

aGalChangedHerName · 03/08/2008 09:39

Don't you think the children might enjoy doing things with their parents too tho almostblue???

Like going to the park/zoo etc?

WideWebWitch · 03/08/2008 09:40

Well, I wouldn't tell her if this was my view!

I love time with just dh and I love being with dh and the children but I have to say I personally wouldn't combine the two and go on holiday with my children but not spend any time with them. But that's because on the whole I enjoy their company and love being with them since I work stupid hours ft oth too.

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