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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To secretly think my friend who works full time should actually spend some of her holiday time with her kids instead of them being in the kids club all day every day?

149 replies

chelsygirl · 03/08/2008 08:39

I know this is a hornets nest, but it makes me wonder when my friend who is working about 50 hours a week goes on her two weeks with her kids and they spend every hour in the kids club until it shuts

My friend says "oh they love the club", but at age 3 and 5 wouldn't they enjoy spending a bit of time with mum and dad?

She and her husband sunbathe all day and go for a leisurely lunch each day, which does sound good, but surely not every day of the holidays?

I know there will be posts of "pass the popcorn/has this kicked off yet", but as I wouldn't want to upset my friend telling her my opinion I'm venting here

OP posts:
mummy2olivia · 03/08/2008 09:41

I HATE KIDS CLUBS!!!!

Just my personal view and I can see why some parents use them BUT I work 40 hours a week and DH works 40 hours + and the very very last thing I would like to do when on holiday is dump my daughter in one for the whole day. In fact I really like my daughters company and am looking forward to spending every waking second with her for 2 weeks. And we specificaaly chose comewhere with no kids club cos the reps tend to badger you to put them in even when you say you dont want to.

Me and DH tend to spend a lot of time arranging care with relatives/friends/holiday clubs whilst at home- why would we want to do this on holiday?

Love2bake · 03/08/2008 09:42

The OP did say she was not planning on telling her friend her opinion.

mamadiva · 03/08/2008 09:49

I agree that your friend should be spending more time with her DC's if she's on holiday, I can't imagine taking holidays from work and not spending time with my DS would defeat the purpose as is surely more hassle to get kids ready and take them to Club then go pick them up later than it is to get up get ready and have a nice day out or something.

But I will say I worked in an After School Club for 4 yearsand loved it and the kids were all happy to be there because most of the time they done more there than they would at home so their not all bad. My DS is 2 and if the need arises for him to go to one when he's at school I'd be happy to send him to one.

almostblue · 03/08/2008 09:57

changedhername - that was my point... there seemed to be an awful lot of 'well, the kids are used to it, aren't they?' posts popping up. Which seemed to me a rather simplistic view of the relationship working parents have with their children.

Gobbledigook · 03/08/2008 09:57

I don't get it - I really don't.

I detest the idea of putting children in kids' clubs on family holidays.

Each to their own I guess but I don't get it.

ll31 · 03/08/2008 10:16

If kids love it which depending on their age they may well do then whats the problem - everyones geting the holiday they want

almostblue · 03/08/2008 10:19

I think, as a pp pointed out, this very much isn't a 'family holiday'. It reads to me as if the thought process was: 'We adults need to have two weeks of lying in the sun, otherwise we'll explode from the stress of work. The kids won't enjoy that much, so how can we organise it so they have as much fun as possible?'

It's not the direction I'd be coming from, by any means. But that doesn't automatically make it 'bad' parenting... it would be an odd kind of a world if we all 'got' each other.

hifi · 03/08/2008 10:23

i can understand the parent needing a rest, but there needs to be balance, a couple of days all together wouldnt hurt.

beanieb · 03/08/2008 10:23

Are you sure they are in there all day and every day? Are they even open all day?

Tortington · 03/08/2008 10:24

my kids only wen o the clubs occasionally -

they started quite early and you have to sign tem in - and i was more often than not pissed from the night before to get up.

how nice you want to spnd everywaking hour with yor kids

JuneBugJen · 03/08/2008 10:26

Oh dear. Have used kids clubs on holiday for 2dc. Am I neglectful?
Work 3 days a week, DH is full time. Spend every other hour with the wee angels.

But... Also don't forget that there are 3 other relationships in the family. One with your kids, one with your husband and one with yourself.
I spend alot of time on hol with dh doing the things we cant otherwise do, lazy sex after a long lunch, playing tennis, (or skiing, depends on hol) and generally remembering why we married. Or, for me, just mooching about reading and catching up on sleep
Still hang out with kids on beach snow etc, they aren't obliged to be in there full time. And we do spy on them, they are always having a great time!

Tortington · 03/08/2008 10:42

yes you awful molther - pander to your children - why do you not want to be there all the time.

grow herbs immediatley

JuneBugJen · 03/08/2008 10:45

Perhaps its because when we have done the 'all happy families together thing' we need a holiday to recover from the holiday!
Don't think our kids are more high maintenance than most, but still knacker us out.

Will go plant some fennel and repent...

unfitmother · 03/08/2008 10:59

YANBU, you're keeping your opinion to yourself but you can think what you like. I agree with you, I work full-time and wouldn't dream of putting my dcs into childcare during a family holiday.

RuffleTheAnimal · 03/08/2008 11:00

holidays with young kids are... just childcare in another place. a place less well set up to give you a moments peace where you dont have to watch out theyre not drowning in the pool or wandering into the road or choking on nuts or whatever. and where they never go to sleep till late so no evening downtime either.
not my idea of a holiday to be on full alert 24 hrs a day the entire time.
i love my kids too, but i am also a human being with a human need for some peace and feckin quiet now and then!

sheesh.

JuneBugJen · 03/08/2008 11:02

oh ruffle, you just put perfectly!

motherinferior · 03/08/2008 11:06

It is none of my business; I do think, though, that her work/life balance sounds rather skewed - because 50 hours a week to work sounds bloody tough. And she sounds as if she's just got two weeks to wind down and then start again. Tough.

Having said which I'm quite sure two weeks of just Mr Inferior would drive me utterly up the wall.

RuffleTheAnimal · 03/08/2008 11:06

why thank you

OonaghBhuna · 03/08/2008 11:07

I think its sad that they dont spend time with their children when they are off work. The children are still young, I can understand older children wanting to go to kids club all day.
Young children do like doing simple things with parents.When we go away we like to spend uninterupted time with our children.You know sitting on a beach building sandcastles, collecting shells, is still relaxing and good fun.
I agree with other posters, it sounds like they dont know how to play with their children simply because they dont spend time with them.

JuneBugJen · 03/08/2008 11:10

But we do do those things, oonagh, for a few hours a day, even with kids club.
But one of ours is an escape artist who will not stop at anything until they have tried to escape up the beach every 5 mins. It's just exhausting!

littleducks · 03/08/2008 11:11

I wouldnt ever do it, but then we went on holiday with dd (2) and ds (3mths) and it isnt really a holiday with kids as it just the routine of eating and sleeping as at home, and we didnt have a dishwasher so i had to wash up too.

Im hoping when the kids are older it will be more fun! But then i think going to work would be a holiday some days, as staying at home with a two year old is exhausting

kittywise · 03/08/2008 11:12

I really don't get it, you can't have kids and the bleat on about needing time away from them.
Yes we all need time out, an hour here or there is fine, occasionally a whole day, but days on end whilst your kids are shoved into some impersonal daycare system is pretty dire parenting.
I do not think that any parent should be at the beck and call of their kids, they should never martyr themselves and need to should spend time giving some attention to their adult relationships but their prime responsibility is towards the emotional and physical welfare of the children they have chosen to have.
You have kids then put up with the inevitable hardships.
Putting young children into full time day care whilst you sit on your arse is crap parenting.I reckon the op's friend should have got a couple of dogs instead, much less hassle surely

BoysAreLikeDogs · 03/08/2008 11:19
Gobbledigook · 03/08/2008 11:19

littleducks - you will find it gets easier as your two get older. There is not a huge gap between their ages - it seems it now but when they are older they will be good playmates.

Mine are now 7, 5.5 and almost 4 and they pretty much entertain each other most of the time. We are going on holiday next week and, yes, it won't be the same as just going and not thinking about their needs, but they will play in the pool the 3 of them together and it will more relaxing than similar holidays we did when they were younger.

Apart from anything you'll have no nappies, no special drinks and food to think about and they can communicate with you about their needs more easily.

Honestly - it will get better!

scottishmum007 · 03/08/2008 11:20

why bother having kids ifyou can't look after them yourself, esp on holiday.