To secretly think my friend who works full time should actually spend some of her holiday time with her kids instead of them being in the kids club all day every day?

[chelsygirl]

I know this is a hornets nest, but it makes me wonder when my friend who is working about 50 hours a week goes on her two weeks with her kids and they spend every hour in the kids club until it shuts

My friend says "oh they love the club", but at age 3 and 5 wouldn't they enjoy spending a bit of time with mum and dad?

She and her husband sunbathe all day and go for a leisurely lunch each day, which does sound good, but surely not every day of the holidays?

I know there will be posts of "pass the popcorn/has this kicked off yet", but as I wouldn't want to upset my friend telling her my opinion I'm venting here

how much help so they get otherwise? Speaking as a mum who has always lived a long way (i.e. different countries and different continents) from grandparents/siblings etc so never had babysitters on tap, dp and I have relished the couple of times that the dc have been in daycare and we could go and do stuff together.

We've had one night out together in 4 years!! I'm not really complaining - adore the little ones and it's been our careers that make it happen - but I do remember my Mum being very sniffy with a mum who put her lo in childcare in the school holidays - apparently fogetteing all the times we would spend mornings/afternoons/days with her parents.

YANBU I would think the same. I know a couple who leave their kids 6am-7pm all week while they work and also most of weekend while they play golf and have meals out without the kids. The poor kid has alot materially but never sees his parents and is shunted back and forth in his pjamas. Alot of people tend to say the kids 'just love daycare' but this is often as they are so used to it, more so than being at home. It becomes home for some kids sadly.

I doj't use kids club as dsses don't like school so IMO it would be a cruel and unnceccessary torture to send them there in the holidays as well. I am lucky though as granma is happy to have them 2 days a week, dh is off one day a week and I have saved up holiday time and have flexible bosses who let me take more time off in summer.
One of my best friends though, has a crap job where she has to work 6 days a week and just gets 3 weeks off a year. She has no choice. And she has to pay for the kids club whether her kids attend or not so I can't even offer to take her son for the odd day out Some people have no choice.

I disagree. She works full time so kids club is a reasonable option. You have said the chn are happy. Stop judging. Plenty of chn are at home with mums who don't play with them.

Oh I hate these threads.

What has it got to do with any of us if these children are in kids clubs?

Most of the responses on here are basically people pointing out that they wouldn't do this - setting themselves up to look like "better" parents than the ones in the OP.

When will women just give each other a break?

Exactly, new life.

sorry - new name!

Thisismynewname - well said!

Do you know, even though a diehard wohm, I entirely agree with you? It's not your (my) place to judge of course, and obviously best to keep your opinions to yourself.

We both as parents have demanding jobs, and there is so much childcare involved to enable us to have our jobs. They are collected from school and cared for by an aupair. It's an effort for us to be back in time for their bedtime routine. School holiday cover is catered for by aupair/holiday nanny/grandparents.

So weekends and holidays we make sure that the time really is spent with them. No holiday clubs. It's an abdication of responsibility. When they get a bit older there is more time for dozing around a pool. I sympathise because the early years are hard because of the need for constant supervision and vigilence.

Not everyone has the option of grandparents though. Au pair and holiday nanny may also not be an option. I was lucky when I was a WOHM as I had my mum but without that I would have had to rely on childminders or clubs.

Yes but the OP is talking about holiday clubs for holidays abroad, where the parents are there with them and hopefully not working. As distinct from holiday clubs etc to cover school summer holidays while the parents are still working.

I think that pretty well anyone with unpaid family support for childcare is in a different situation from the rest of us.

If I had a fiver for every time someone said 'helpfully' to me on MN when my children were younger that I should 'get help from a granny' I could, frankly, have been able to afford a babysitter.

Yes I didn't read the op properly.
Soooo... buggers off.

i agree thisismynewname

these threads are DULLARAMA

must be special offer on those judgypants today

MI old thing, I don't understand what you mean?

"I think that pretty well anyone with unpaid family support for childcare is in a different situation from the rest of us."

Which I think was triggered by my post. How different? Their grandparents take them for two weeks a year while we work.

The situation the OP is describing sounds to me that of a package holiday where children's clubs are available. If you spend your life juggling work and childcare so much so that your children hardly see you in the week (my case and sounds similar to the situation which the OP describes) surely then you really ought to make the effort to be with the children on family holidays?

I think there are loads of people who hardly see thier kids, be it by design or default.

Live and let live eh......

I think I was just seething with slightly tangential jealousy, Quattrocentro.

You didn't read the op either then MI!

No, I did read it - and responded it to above, saying that actually my concern would be for overall work/life balance - but then got led astray by personal preoccupations. As with so much else in life, eh

Oh, a judgety judge pants thread

Marvellous

It must be jolly nice to be so perfect.

Personally, I think lounging by the pool while the chidren do drawing with a kids clubs sounds terribly lovely.

I REALLY hate that "Why did they have kids ifd they don;t spend time with them?" bollocks. Erm, some people have mortgages/rent/bills to pay in order for those children to have basic material security. If I didn't work, we wouldn't eat.

It's funny how nobody ever mentions the father in all this - so what if he works a 50 hour week? He's a man, that's what they are supposed to do, apparently. Plenty of my friends have DHs who work away, or who are never home at bedtime etc - but do they ever get accused of emotional neglect? Do they fuck

Amen, Sheiky.

Re personal preoccupations - we all do that. Just as I have projected my own guilt for working too much onto this thread ...

What if the dc hate the holiday club and want to spend lots of time with mum and dad on the 2 week holiday,because the other 50 weeks a year parents work full time?

Do you still send them because you need a relaxing holiday/break?

Being a parent is bloody well hard enough without being judged at every turn.

I used to go to kids clubs when we went on holiday - I am an only child and for me, I loved it because I could make friends. I was probably there all day. My mother worked FT. I do not think she neglected me - it was her holiday too. And we DID spend time together as a family.