to ask dp to get a DNA test to see if dd from previous relationship is his??

[wickedstepmom]

She is now in her early 20s & was the result of a holiday fling. DP did not know of her existence until she was 18mths old.

She lives overseas with her mother, dp supports her financially.

The problem is she doesn't look like dp, his family or anyone on her mother's side . Her mother has stolen money from dp & used to blackmail dp by threatening to abandon dd if he did not transfer money to her bank account.

dp now wants her to stay over here & meet our ds, i've said not without DNA test first. he refuses. now having huge arguments about it.

If any of your dps or dhs had a dc from a previous relationship & wanted to introduce him/her to your dc, would you be completely accepting of the situation??

Even if your dp/dh had doubts regarding paternity? and knows that the mother of the dc is dishonest?

Mine is slightly complicated,my ex dp who died 11 years ago has a daughter a couple 0f years older than mine. There was always doubt over the paternity of her however he decided to bring be a part of her life regardless,he died when she was four so the test decision may well have change as she got older if he had lived.

So it ended up becoming my situation,i have two DD'S to him,his family are very split (divorced) his mother has loads to do with her,the father nothing at all and does not accept her as family.

From my point of view although the girls to not see each other loads they do care for each other and i will tell my DD's about the family situation,i was just hoping someone would tell her before i did and at some point if they wanted to they could take a DNA test.

In all honesty it does not bother my that much,in my ex's head he had decided to parent this little girl and would have. She is a lovely young women and i feel really sorry for her.

I can understand your point of view bvut blood or not the relationship of father and daughter and the responsibility that your DH feels for her will not dissapear,so i would not worry that much about your son being hurt.

Sorry for the spelling and grammer

what a bad situation all round

As far as she is concerned he is her dad.Imagine what she would feel like actually having a 'test' to somehow validate her very being.

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I get it wrong. But I think YABU to make your DH get his daughter DNA tested.

OK, the thead started long ago. I've since become older & wiser. Yes, I was being unreasonable to demand a DNA test. & no, there wasn't a DNA test, there wasn't any need.

The whole thing ran its course & came to the conclusion that it has. DP supported a daughter that he thought was his. And as I have said, he's a bit non plussed about finding out that she's not his. He will still support her & I support that.

sorry skybright regarding your loss.

Thank you Jackadandyz,i have just realised how old this thread is and that you are the op..

It's nice that he will still support her,it is all a bit of a mindfield isn't it and i do feel for the kids more than anything else,as i say in my situation she is a little star and it makes no odds to me but i can see that it will all come out at some point and it will be very hard for her.

Is your DP nonplussed as it has made no difference to the relationship?

It was a relationship based primarily on finances.

Having read your post a couple of times, skybright, it has really struck a chord,I have realised that if DP (soon to be DH) wants to introduce her as our sons sister, I'll accept that. Blood really isn't thicker than water, afterall.

If I was jackadandyz DP I would be hurt and angry.

Has any body ever sued in such a situation?

I don't think the DNA test is a good idea because it is simply too late. For all intents and purposes your partner's DD is your DS's sister.

When I was 12 I found out that my oldest sister was in fact my half sister (Mum was married to a soldier when she was 16, he got killed - who knew Mum had a life before I was born!). Wasn't really a secret but wasn't discussed much either. I thought "Oh, that's a bit weird" and then forgot about it, cause it isn't relevant she is my sister regardless of DNA (and strangely enough is the spitting image of my dad's side of the family).

It just doesn't matter, it is too late for it to matter.

"well meaning opinions of people who should think before they type (ie some 'well meaning' mumsnetters)"

That is rude. Quite a few people spent a lot of time, thought and energy on your problem. If you're not interested in the opinions of people on MN you shouldn't have asked. It's fair enough to assume you won't be wasting your time here again, really, isn't it?

Let her come and stay, nick her toothbrush and your DPs toothbrush and send them for DNA testing.

Have you posted about this before? Sounds quite familiar.