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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in changing my ds on a bench in a shopping centre??

267 replies

nappyaddict · 26/07/2008 01:08

If i am please do tell me

Basically we were sat on a bench in a shopping centre eating our lunch. ds is very particular and won't have anything dirty on. He noticed butter on his clothes and started pulling at them and getting quite upset so i undressed him. I thought as he was undressed anyway i might aswell change his nappy before putting a new outfit on. The woman next to me is tutting. So i said have you got a problem? Of course she said no but it was obvious she did have a problem.

So was i wrong? Or was she wrong?

OP posts:
MamaGLovesMe · 30/07/2008 21:48

Wet nappy? OK

Dirty one? People might worry whether you would clean up properly afterwards.

Wouldn't have bothered me. 3 kids, 10000s of nappy changes. Needs must.

Twinklemegan · 30/07/2008 22:10

I'm struggling to see what exactly can come into contact with a bench/table/floor when changing a wet nappy. My DS's bare bottom never comes into contact with the changing surface. Even if I did let him put his bare bottom on a surface that's got God knows what germs on it already, what's going to happen? It's the tail of his back that makes contact, not his willy or even his buttocks. So what exactly is the problem? It's no different from him touching it with his bare hands.

Washersaurus · 30/07/2008 22:34

I would like to point out that I DO wash my hands or wipe with a baby wipe after nappy changing, as I stated in my post.

What I was saying is that all this hygiene obsessiveness...'air borne contaminants' fears etc. is pure craziness. FGS do you wear protective gloves when handling money, because that is really dirty? Do you have pets?

I cannot believe that some of you only change nappies in your bathroom at home - I have a massive bathroom but don't want one of those tasteless baby change units in there spoiling its hotel like luxury feel. I change my boys in my front room on a change mat or in their room on a change mat. I certainly wouldn't be traipsing up the stairs with both children every time I needed to change one of their nappies anyway!

But then I use washable nappies and wipes so am probably more comfortable dealing with wet and pooey nappies than those of you who just throw your neatly rolled up nappies away tied up in those little perfumed plastic bags.

Gosh just think of the germs I must have in my nappy buckets...

Original poster
nappyaddict · 30/07/2008 23:59

"I wouldn't change a dirty nappy (whether wee or poo) in close proximity to anyone who wasn't either with me or there for the same purpose. On a bench with someone else next to you is intrusive. And in a restaurant is revolting."

So had no one else been sat on the bench it would have been ok?

Today on bus got ds out of his pushchair and realised he needed a nappy change. Should I have changed him on my lap/lying across the seat with changing mat underneath/standing up/left him for 40 mins?

OP posts:
reallyfatcow · 31/07/2008 01:53

not in the slightest...i changed both of my childers anywhere i physically could.
would you feel as bad stooping them over a drain when potty training???
i think too many people bother about the opinion of strangers...just do it!!!!!
(although i'm a stranger so hey ho!!!!)

TinkerBellesMum · 31/07/2008 08:41

I'm not sure how much contact one can have with a wet nappy when it's pull ups and the child is changed standing up. Do you wash your hands when you change your pants? OK so your pants may not be full of wee, but the outside of the nappy isn't full of wee either. Even running a wipe over a baby's bum you're not going to be touching the baby.

Am I the only one who isn't picturing a tiny baby lying on Mummy's lap with everything on display?

Washersaurus · 31/07/2008 10:50

Gosh yes, potty training is something else indeed. So was I wrong to let DS1 wee around the side of a shop in view of tutting strangers the other day?

Actually, in the past few days he has whipped his pants off in a shop, in several car parks, in my sister's garden, at the bottom of someone's driveway....

These days I really do find I get his wee all over my hands so wipes are a definite necessity . We are only in the early stages of potty training though so I'm hoping he will soon learn to hold it in for a bit longer.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 31/07/2008 12:10

TBM - i think it is just me and you lol.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 31/07/2008 13:16

I wouldn't change a baby on a bench in a shopping centre. You could have taken him to a toilet.

duchesse · 31/07/2008 13:29

Don't want to get too personal, but can't help noticing that the two people who think it's fine are also two with very child-centered user names. I wonder if this may colour their views on how acceptable it is to inflict your child's effluent on other people without their permission. Just an idle thought.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 31/07/2008 14:02

tbh when i signed up i just used the first thing i could think of. as it was a parenting site i chose a name to reflect that. at the time i didn't realise that as opposed to other boards i had been on previously people on here don't only talk about child-related stuff. i have thought about changing it before but i would feel like i wasn't me without it now. silly i know.

OP posts:
TinkerBellesMum · 31/07/2008 14:55

Similar story here. I used to use my name on other boards, was in the minority and realised it wasn't a good idea. Joined here and it was all I could think of, went for a parenting name because that's what happens on the parenting sites I've used before. After everything I've been through to get her here the name is a badge of honour for me.

We're not the only ones who think it was OK anyway.

Besides, as we've both already pointed out today we're the only ones not picturing a 2 year old boy lying on Mummy's lap with his legs in the air and everything on display. Maybe that has more to do with it.

TheFallenMadonna · 31/07/2008 16:42

Nappyaddict - in answer to your question I certainly think it would have been more appropriate if no-one else had been on the bench. I wuldn't have done it myself, but I wouldn't have raised an eyebrow if I had walked by and seen you doing it. I would have if I had been sitting right next to you. Like I said, it is discourteous (IMO) not to consider that other people do not want to be right next to a nappy change.

blueskythinker · 31/07/2008 21:06

I agree with The FallenMadonna. This discussion has gone off on a few tangents, but going back to your OP:

I think it was inconsiderate to change your DS on a bench when someone was sitting next to you. Newsflash: Not everyone thinks your loved one's bum is adorable (I don't mean this harshly, as I adore my own LOs chubby bottoms, but I know not everyone else does)

The woman clearly felt there was a problem, hence the tutting.

In response, instead of considering the impact your actions were having on her, or trying to smooth the situation, you said 'have you got a problem?' I think this is a pretty aggressive thing to say to a stranger.

You ask on MN 'So was i wrong? Or was she wrong?'

The vast majority of responses have suggested that it was not an appropriate thing to do given the circumstances (or at the very least they would not have done it), yet you have continued to defend your actions to the hilt.

In response to your original question, yes, I think you were wrong, inconsiderate, and aggressive towards the poor woman. Otherwise I am sure you are very nice

wornoutwaitress · 31/07/2008 22:07

I don't think saying sorry have you got a problem is aggressive at all. i was merely giving her a chance to explain what she was tutting about.

Twinklemegan · 31/07/2008 22:15

What if Nappyaddict had proceeded to do something really awful like breastfeeding?! The poor woman would have probably passed out! Perhaps she and others like her should stay indoors to protect themselves from such disgusting sights.

Seriously, I think anyone who's offended by such a minor and everyday occurrence really needs to get over themselves.

blueskythinker · 31/07/2008 22:17

WoW, am assuming you were previously NA;

Is it not obvious that the woman was annoyed about you changing nappy beside her? And if she had said she thought it was inappropriate, would you have had an extended discussion defending your actions as you have done here? I think in the scheme of things, tutting is not as bad as someone changing a nappy beside you on a bench, and expecting you to be ok with it.

I honestly do think that asking someone if they have a problem in circs such as this is unnecessarily aggressive - I don't know what your tone / facial expressions / demeanour were like, but it is a little akin to someone saying 'Wotcha lookin' at!'

Twinklemegan · 31/07/2008 22:21

Tutting is rude. I probably wouldn't have asked if she had a problem, but only because I'd have been afraid of a confrontation. I'd have just ignored her myself, assuming that if she did have a problem then she would move.

Washersaurus · 31/07/2008 22:37

I still don't know what a person can possibly find offensive about a glimpse of a toddlers nether regions.

I had to dash out of a shop with DS1 the other day because he needed a wee. I let him wee on the weeds around the side of the shop. Two women were sat a couple of metres away and one of them tutted and said loudly that she didn't really want to watch that. Her companion told her that she didn't HAVE to look and to turn away if it bothered her.

I didn't have to say a word, in fact I didn't even look up. I realise it isn't the nicest thing in the world but needs must!

I have never heard anyone tutting at dogs as they wee everywhere....

Note: my name is not child centered

Twinklemegan · 31/07/2008 22:40

Some people just hate children Washersaurus, and they'd be happier if we locked them out of sight until they were adults. Which is so so sad, because children are such a joy to anyone with a heart.

blueskythinker · 31/07/2008 22:44

This is ridiculous. Because someone does not want to sit on a bench next to a nappy change they are now child-haters?

wornoutwaitress · 31/07/2008 22:51

i am still waiting for someone to tell me what i should have done on the bus ...

wornoutwaitress · 31/07/2008 22:52

bluesky - do you think it still would have been disrespectful if the bench had been empty?

Washersaurus · 31/07/2008 22:57

NA - I've changed pooey nappies on the train before, you just HAVE to get on with it.

The same as on the pleasure river cruise we were on at the weekend when DS1 pooed his pants. I HAD to clean it up, it was horrible, but I did my best to do it discreetly (which wasn't very tbh)

I just assume that anyone who has children knows the score and will understand. The others will hopefully find out for themselves one day...mwah hahaha!

Twinklemegan · 31/07/2008 23:02

Yes blueskythinker, I do. And parent haters. Because any reasonable person understands that some things are a perfectly normal fact of life. And if they don't want to sit next to a nappy change they should move. I fail to see what is so disgusting about a young child having his nappy whipped off and replaced with a fresh one. Some people have lost touch with nature so much it is truly terrifying.

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