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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be REALLY annoyed that my sister is still smoking at 25 weeks pregnant?

127 replies

Mamatastic · 09/07/2008 15:36

I am just home from visiting my parents and sister and even though she said she was going to give up she had a packet of 20 in her bag and was outside smoking quite the thing. I said 'I thought you had given up?' to which she replied 'It's fine!' erm....no it's not! She doesn't think she is doing the baby any harm even though her midwife said baby is getting the equivalent of 10 fags a day. I asked if she was planning to keep smoking once baby is here and she said 'that will be fine then as I'll go outside' but she then went on a rant re her DP cos he dares smoke in the bathroom inside! I have told her about SIDS etc but it's in one ear and out the other. She honestly does not see a problem with it.

I know how hard it is to quit as I smoked years ago but you would think you would certainly knock it on the head once you were pregnant would you not?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

OP posts:
1973 · 09/07/2008 15:39

On the one hand, it's pretty weak and pathetic of her not to have given up when pg.
OTOH, this is HER body, she os not suddenly public property now that she is up the duff and she is not answerable to you or anyone else no matter how much you feel you're right and she's wrong.

ScottishMummy · 09/07/2008 15:44

you hit the nail on the head Mamatastic "She honestly does not see a problem with it" thus she will not stop because she does not want to, lacks the volition

lets face it the majority of Pg mums now know smoking is contraindicated in pg
the literature is avail and explicitly tells you give up

so unlikely she will respond well to a telling off or advice to stop

littleboyblue · 09/07/2008 15:57

I smoked with ds and am now 9wks pg again and am till smoking about 6 a day, not that that matters, I'm still smoking and it's awful, I feel really shit about it and to say that it's too hard is a complete cop-out I think, so not sure why I'm still doing it. i am fully aware of all the risks, and it's not that I don't love my child/ren because I do more than anything in the world, but.......
I can't even attempt to justify it, it just is.
There is a problem with smoking during pg, and not sure how/why you wouldn't be aware of all the risks.
Not really sure what I'm trying to say here

Imaparenttoo · 09/07/2008 16:10

You are not being unreasonable to be annoyed (privately) but what she choses to do with her own body (and babies bodywhile ever she is carrying it) is absolutely nothing to do with you. She does know the risks (because most people know them and pregnant women are certainly told them) but is choosing to ignore them - still none of your business.

kittywise · 09/07/2008 16:12

I agree with everyone else!

Lauriefairycake · 09/07/2008 16:21

her body, her business

smoking is more difficult to give up than heroin

not unreasonable to be annoyed but hopefully everything will be ok. My parents smoked 40 a day each in the house and my mum smoked all the way through her pregnancy and my lungs are luckily fine.

VictorianSqualor · 09/07/2008 16:39

I don't agree 'it's her body' because it's not.
It's her child's body and unfortunately that poor little blighter has no say in what his mother could do to him before he is even born

I doubt anyone would say it was 'her body, her business' if she was drinking vodka or smoking crack.

If she doesn't see a problem maybe you should find some facts and show her exactly what she is doing.

TheHedgeWitch · 09/07/2008 17:06

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babyignoramus · 09/07/2008 17:16

Hmm, tricky one. I've known a couple of people who said they'd quit when they got pregnant and were absolutely shocked at themselves when they discovered their maternal instincts simply didn't overcome the addiction. Both of them smoked throughout the pregnancy, although they cut down by a huge amount - we're talking from 20 a day down to a skinny roll up twice a day. Smoking's obviously bad for the baby, but they both knew their stress levels (and therefore BP) would be sky high if they quit altogether which could possibly be worse.

Not justifying anything here -(I'm an ex-smoker myself) - but the problem is that for some people smoking is such a strong addiction. My mum quit once and the GP actually almost put her on prozac!

Litterbug · 09/07/2008 17:17

I think its awful and makes me very

lucyellensmum · 09/07/2008 17:18

Mama, why don't you google some literature or ask your HV for some leaflets. I am DISMAYED by people who smoke around children and whilst pregnant. Yes, its their body, if they want to kill themselves, well its tough, but that little baby doesn't have a choice and that makes me Sad Make her see it is NOT fine, its not just SIDs there is more likely hood of illnesses in later life and miscarriage and other things i can't remember. You wouldnt allow your children to smoke, so dont force passive smoking on them - it doesnt matter if you go outside, it still damages.

lucyellensmum · 09/07/2008 17:19

The answer is to ban smoking completely. Im being serious.

Flashman · 09/07/2008 17:31

What does smoking do to babies - apart from a lower birth rate? And before I get a volley I am not saying I am for smoking. My sister has found she is pg and was smoking and has quit now - only early but has it done any harm?

lucyellensmum · 09/07/2008 17:44

flash, im not sure what smoking does to early embryos but your sister has done the right thing to give up and well done to her for that. Tbh, i dont think at surch an early stage there will be much harm done, probably none at all. Early development is about laying the foundations, later development is about growing and fine tuning, I would be surprised if smoking affects a ball of dividing cells as it is all about getting the genes switched on and working, but once organs begin to develop i wouldnt want to be passing extraneous chemicals over to my baby.

CoteDAzur · 09/07/2008 17:44

YANBU.

TheHedgeWitch · 09/07/2008 17:45

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OurHamsterisevil · 09/07/2008 17:46

How can she think there is nothing wrong with it. Everybody knows the dangers. As for going outside once the baby is born, well whats the point the damage will be already done.

Miggsie · 09/07/2008 17:47

My SIL smoked and drank her way through pregnancy, and now she smokes and drinks more.
She is a selfish bag.
We don't get on.

I know how you feel!
But you can't do anything.

TheHedgeWitch · 09/07/2008 17:47

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lardybump · 09/07/2008 17:50

Smoking can also affect the baby?s organs especially the reproductive organs meaning that any baby born to a woman who smoked during pregnancy has a chance of being infertile.

It can also cause respiratory problems for the baby. This in addition to increased risk of miscarriage, premature birth and still birth is more than enough to make anyone give up I should imagine. I know I have....

LittleMissBliss · 09/07/2008 18:24

I can't stand seeing pregnant women smoking they are selfish and ignorant.

southeastastra · 09/07/2008 18:29

why don't you try to help her quit instead of bleating it out on here

Original poster
Mamatastic · 09/07/2008 18:34

For those who say 'it's her body', she has smoked for years and I've never said anything to her as she is old enough and wise enough to know the dangers to herself while smoking, but the current fact is that she is NOT just abusing her own body but also that of her tiny defenseless baby. That's what I'm annoyed about! And also the fact that she chooses to turn a blind eye to it despite knowing the dangers. It makes me really sad. Also the fact that her fiance smokes tons around her too and in the house. I know she won't change as I've spoken to her about this before but it just makes me angry that she won't even attempt to change her behaviour or even think that there is anything wrong with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamatastic · 09/07/2008 18:40

'why don't you try to help her quit instead of bleating it out on here'

...someone will only quit if they are ready and willing to quit. She has her head totally in the sand. She knows I quit years ago so could discuss it with me and I've discussed her quitting numerous times before but she is just not interested. I have also discussed dangers to baby but again, she keeps saying that 'a few' won't do any harm.

OP posts:
MsPontipine · 09/07/2008 18:47

I smoked all the way through my ds's pregnancy - I was a heavy smoker and if anything I smoked more - I was so tired, stressed at work, on my own with my head completely in the sand.

Luckily ds (now 5) is as fit as a flea but he was very small - 1.86kg (4lb 4.5oz) when born. I finally managed to quit 4 years ago in January and me and my family are so proud of me for doing it. I hate myself for what I did and dread some horrible consequence appearing (I was paronoid he had asthma - doctor said I've got to stop beating myself up about it) but so far I have been lucky - I don't know many smokers these days but I keep ds well away from them - I am an absoulute horror regarding smokers!!

I think it was because until he was born he didn't really seem real - that I was actually having a baby. As soon as I had him I realised the smoking would probably kill me then where would ds be without me?

I drank quite a bit too - these days I am a virtually tea-total fresh smelling non-smoking healthier but fatter individual. Better late than never.