To be REALLY annoyed that my sister is still smoking at 25 weeks pregnant?

[Mamatastic]

I am just home from visiting my parents and sister and even though she said she was going to give up she had a packet of 20 in her bag and was outside smoking quite the thing. I said 'I thought you had given up?' to which she replied 'It's fine!' erm....no it's not! She doesn't think she is doing the baby any harm even though her midwife said baby is getting the equivalent of 10 fags a day. I asked if she was planning to keep smoking once baby is here and she said 'that will be fine then as I'll go outside' but she then went on a rant re her DP cos he dares smoke in the bathroom inside! I have told her about SIDS etc but it's in one ear and out the other. She honestly does not see a problem with it.

I know how hard it is to quit as I smoked years ago but you would think you would certainly knock it on the head once you were pregnant would you not?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

YANBU. I feel very strongly about this. Too strobgly to voice on MN without causing offence.

No you're not. Are you MY friend's sister??! I met her recently and she was sparking up for the 2nd time that evening and I just caught her eye and I said nothing, but she looked at me and said "DON'T YOU SAY A WORD ELIZABETH". I wasn't going to !!! but she was cross with me for thinking the facts you know!

It's her body.
It's her pregnancy.
It's her business.

Tough.

it's not her body, she's using her body to carry and nurture a new life. a life that may be badly affected due to her habit.
it's selfish.selfish selfish selfish.
it's a form of abuse before the baby is even born. he or she can't say they dislike the nicotine, they have no choice.

However selfish it may be, it IS her body. Her right to have an abortion, her right to eat and drink what she likes, her right to smoke, her right to decide whether or not to bf. You may not agree with her decisions, but saying a woman loses her rights over her own body because she is carrying a child is WRONG and marked 'slippery slope' with flashing lights and sirens (and hopefully MNers with pointy sticks)

we've all got our own opinions no point beating others up with a stick if they are different from yours.
mine isn't right or wrong, it's just an opinion.

I hate this. I makes me so angry and sad too.

Yes, that makes me judgemental. Well so be it.

"chooses to turn a blind eye to it"

erm, no, she is addicted

and as for her body, her choice opinions - if you think anything apart from that it's pretty dangerous, what would you prefer, her to be banned from having babies

enforced sterilisation for "unfit mothers" ?

Yes, I would get upset and I'm quite happy for you to be annoyed (and sad for the baby obviously)but no, I don't think you should say anything to her apart from be supportive - and rant your own feelings on here.

i can honsetly say when i see pregnant women smoking i feel sick because its so wrong,
why would you do that to your unborn child ??

I feel very peculiar about this subject.

Smoking while pregnant is bad, we know that.

Every day there is something new which comes out saying what pregnant women should/should not do.

Today it's no caffeine (again).

So: no alcohol, no illegal drugs, no caffeine, no smoked foods, no unpasteurised foods, no shellfish, no uncooked meats or fish, no undercooked eggs etc

Then we go on to: no stress, no heavy lifting, no emotional difficulties, no depression or general mental unease

Do: exercise (but not too much or in the wrong way), take supplements (but not too much or in the wrong way), eat a good diet (see above many food omitted) and so on

I agree that it's better for women to lead a healthy life while pregnant. However I think that a lot of things are "banned" due to a risk which is actually very small.

Foetal alcohol syndrome requires a lot of drinking. Problems due to smoking require a lot of smoking. It would be very unfortunate to induce late miscarriage due to some dodgy prawns.

Most people know the advice on different subjects, and understand the risks. They make an evaluation which works for them.

I would hate to live in a society where people who didn't adhere to all the rules while pregnant were taken into protective custody. Which is the logical extension of this, I think.

Your sister smokes. Of course she knows she shouldn't. She probably feels guilty every time she lights up. Smoking is very addictive. Statistically, it is unlikely to do much damage to the baby. Give her a look when she does it, but otherwise leave her be.

You should do everything you can to convince your sister to quit, yes its difficult but its not impossible, it will be better for her in the long run and better for her unborn child. YANBU to be concerned and angry about it, most people who see a woman smoking while pregnant will be shocked and disgusted. Tell her to look around next time she is smoking to see just how many people are looking at her incrediously and with disgust, it will be a lot!

I was hospitalized with bleeding when I was 25 weeks pregnant, and I was amazed that almost ALL of the other women there were smokers.

The one in the next bed to me had had bleeding throughout her pregnancy but sat there puffing away saying "I have smoked even more since I have been pregnant, it has clearly done no harm to my pregnancy"

And the woman in bed opposite was possibly going to have to be induced at 30 weeks due to kidney problems..she was having steroid injections to mature the baby's lungs....and smoking. I know it's hard to give up but she genuinely didn't seem to realise it could cause a problem.

SO..i don't believe people ARE fully informed of the risks tbh.

YABU because you know fine well that you are not for beng annoyed, but you also said yourself that she wont quit, so posting it up on here is just to make you feel better at all the people going 'thats so shocking'

charming, thats your family, your own sister. I wouldnt do that to my siblings, no matter how annoyed i was with them, put them up for a public flogging, especially not pregnant ones.

My SIL smoked through all her pregnancies, she is not even blood but i wouldnt have put her up on here. Incidentally all her children were born absolutely fine.

What exactly do you hope to achieve by nagging her to give up?

Trust me, she knows all the statistics and she knows the risks and she knows that she should give up.

Everything she says to you about not knowing, or not believing the research is just her trying to convince herself that she is doing no harm.

A far better way to go would be to praise her when she has been without a cigarette for a while - even if it is only for an hour or something. Giving up smoking is incredibly difficult and encouragement does actually make it easier, whereas people nagging you and telling you what harm you are doing to yourself/your baby just makes you want a fag.

And if she continues to smoke, there is, unfortunately, nothing whatsoever you can do about it.

actually i agree with all the posts on here, the YANBU and the YABU ones!

Have you tried speaking to her fiance instead? Gently? It might be easier for him to give up and once he has given up it will be easier for her.

Or print out this thread and give it to her instead.
Then walk away.
No more you can do, it's not your baby nor your body, hard though it is.

I have never smoked, but i did have a glass of wine (small!!) fairly often in pg. i did have a few cups of tea & coffee a day. i thought it was ok, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. My children seem fine... It's hard to stop doing things you like/you need, esp if you have other stresses (work etc..) going on in your life.

If her fiance is smoking, btw, it will not make that much difference if she gives up. A lot of the nagging of pregnant women to regard themselves as incubators not people and to be expected to get the blame for everything, ignores the possible effects on a pregnancy of a male partner's behaviour.

It was a real eye opener for me when I went to meet my sister after she had her DD - that out side the maternity ward there were loads of women puffing away!!

Oh and I disagree with this that it is hard to give up smoking - I think that once you decide that is it and truely know that's it - peice of piss.

YANBU - it's not just her body, it's also that of her baby that she's making a decision about

but there's probably feck all you can do about it, except damage your relationship with her over

you have to decide whether you're willing to risk that over trying to convince her that what she's doing is wrong

I'm sure my friends smoking when pregnant stumpted her dd's growth. My friend is 5 foot 7 and her partner is 6 foot 7 so by no means short. Yet their dd is a really short, stumpy little girl. Way shorter than the average for her age. When she was born she was tiny and was put in hospital for not gaining wieght and remained tiny for a long time.

May just be a coincidence but i can't help but wonder if she had give up the fags when pregnant...?

flashman - tis NOT a piece of piss, I assure you.

But it can be done

i stopped my 20 a day habit of 10 years the moment i got my bfp.

doesnt mean i go about spouting how easy it is to stop smoking. Bollocks. Its why we are all unique.

I gave up smoking 2 days before i found out i was pregnant with dd. It was then easy to give up because my incentive was my babys health. If you have a goal, it's easy to give up. Especially something as important as your unborn childs health!