Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To be REALLY annoyed that my sister is still smoking at 25 weeks pregnant?

127 replies

Mamatastic · 09/07/2008 15:36

I am just home from visiting my parents and sister and even though she said she was going to give up she had a packet of 20 in her bag and was outside smoking quite the thing. I said 'I thought you had given up?' to which she replied 'It's fine!' erm....no it's not! She doesn't think she is doing the baby any harm even though her midwife said baby is getting the equivalent of 10 fags a day. I asked if she was planning to keep smoking once baby is here and she said 'that will be fine then as I'll go outside' but she then went on a rant re her DP cos he dares smoke in the bathroom inside! I have told her about SIDS etc but it's in one ear and out the other. She honestly does not see a problem with it.

I know how hard it is to quit as I smoked years ago but you would think you would certainly knock it on the head once you were pregnant would you not?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

OP posts:

fryalot · 10/07/2008 12:20

flashman - you seem to be saying on the one hand that you have to really want to give up before it will be possible.

Yet on the other hand you are saying how easy it is and it's a piece of piss.

I'm confused.

Flashman · 10/07/2008 12:23

No I am saying that once you are totally fed up with it all it is easy then.

Oh so if you do manage to quit its only because you have a mild addiction - interesting.

MsSparkle · 10/07/2008 12:25

But surely the health of an unborn baby would be enough incentive to give up, no matter how addicted you are?

LadyThompson · 10/07/2008 12:29

My mum smoked with me and I weighed over 9 pounds. (I dread to think what I'd have weighted if she hadn't). She WAS however teetotal, and also myself and my sister have never smoked and never will. My DH died of lung cancer though (in his early forties) and he too was a never smoker - though 9 out of 10 people who get the disease are smokers. A lot of mixed messages in this post, I realise! You are not being unreasonable in being annoyed with your sister, though I do understand it's a hellishly difficult thing to give up. Maybe she needs help/support, rather than annoyance?

fruitstick · 10/07/2008 12:30

Obviously she is aware of the risks etc but I think you have to accept the fact that, as well as being her body, it is also her baby. She will spend the rest of her life assessing what is an appropriate risk to her children (sleeping on front, breastfeeding whilst eating peanuts, crossing road, using scissors etc etc) and you may disagree with her but it is actually not your concern.

Let's face it, smoking is a physical and psychological addiction and it is not based on rational thought. If everyone applied logic no-one would do it (I say this as an ex-smoker and with a DP permanently trying to give up) but they don't, so providing them with logical arguments as to why they shouldn't is pointless and patronising ....... "aren't you silly for smoking, and aren't I much cleverer than you for not". In my experience this kind of attitude makes me want to chain smoke.

FAQ · 10/07/2008 12:33

MsParkle - I did stop smoking with DS1 and 2 (to an extent) I tried desperately hard, hated smoking, didn't enjoy it at all (often having one, especially when I was tired after a long night shift caused me to throw up!), while pg with DS3 but just couldn't do it.

I lay awake for hours worrying about the effects it was having on DS3, and nearly cried when he was born and was ok as I was so relieved. I still worry now about the long term effect on him (and the other DS's given the residue that will be on my clothes) not to mention the long term effects on me.

One day I hope to be able to find, and combat, the triggers which cause my addictions, but for now I just stick to the smoking as the alcohol and the gambling would (in the short term I know) have much more life ruining consequences.

donnie · 10/07/2008 12:40

flashman you can only speak of your own experiences and nobody else's - it is preposterous to say that if you want to give up an addiction it's easy. If it was easy it wouldn't be an addiction now would it? do not denigrate other people's efforts because they don't tally with your own.

my father gave up smoking after 52 years of 30 a day. No exaggeration. In those days your parents encouraged it as early as possible! That was close to 5 years ago and he still finds it difficult. So yes, he REALLY REALLY WANTED TO and no he doesn't find it AT ALL easy.

oh and btw regarding the OP - no, not remotely unreasonable.

Flashman · 10/07/2008 12:41

Well is there anything more pious then an ex smoker?

fryalot · 10/07/2008 12:42

probably not, no

FAQ · 10/07/2008 12:44

evidently not Flashman from your posts

(sorry for telling you to F off.....just with my history of addictions - thankfully drugs - excluding nicotine and alcohol - are the one thing I've never touched, nor would ever want the opportunity to do - I do get a little touchy about it when people tell me it's "just will power")

Flashman · 10/07/2008 13:07

Squonk - I think I am well past that - I am thinking of getting my self some flowing robes and surrounding myself with Cherubs.

Oh and FAQ no worries you are not the first to tell me where to put it when when I give my sermon on smoking and will power.

fryalot · 10/07/2008 13:11

flashman

CoteDAzur · 10/07/2008 14:55

I realize a fetus has no rights, and rightly so, but a pregnant woman who intends to carry the said fetus to term, love and cherish him once he is born should not be deliberately poisoning him.

Does she realize that she will have to make some difficult sacrifices once her baby is born? Quitting smoking when pregnant is not half as hard as months of continuous sleep deprivation, imo and ime.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 10/07/2008 14:59

If knowing that if you don't quit your addiction you are putting your tiny unborn child's health at risk doesn't give a person the willpower they need to quit then I seriously doubt they ever will.

Must be something wrong with the maternal instinct.

Poor babies; force fed nicotine down the placenta because mummy just care quite enough to quit.

Will never ever understand these mothers.

VictorianSqualor · 10/07/2008 15:00

Exactly Cote, when it comes to termination we can't be expected to think of the fetus as a person in it's own right, but if the intent to carry that baby to term is there then mothers should do all they can to look after it both before, during and after birth.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 10/07/2008 15:01

And why is it "right" that an unborn child should have no rights?

I realise they do not.. and that this is quite another issue.. but "rightly so".. hmmm.. I can't see how it's quite that clear cut..

chloemegjess · 10/07/2008 15:08

I used to get so annoyed when I would go to the hospital for check ups etc and there would always be pregnant women outsite the antinatal smoking,

I smoked, but didnt have a single one after I did a test and found out I was pregnant.

TinkerBellesMum · 10/07/2008 15:16

I knew in America in some states killing a pregnant woman is double murder (same states that allow abortion too) but I heard of a recent case in this country of double murder. I agree with it, but think it's backwards next to everything else.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 10/07/2008 15:16

Chloe I am with you. I used to fight my way thought a gaggle of disgusting women - some of them IN LABOUR.. many on DRIPS.. having a fag outside the doors to the maternity unit, all the long weeks I was going in out of neonatal when my baby was very ill.

I wanted to roar in their faces "WANT TO COME INTO NICU WITH ME AND SEE WHAT YOUR'E RISKING YOU SILLY SELFISH BITCHES?"

Over reaction?

No.. I don't think so.

idontbelieveit · 10/07/2008 15:18

i'm 10 weeks pregnant and this thread is really making me want a cigarette!

idontbelieveit · 10/07/2008 15:19

i won't have one though but talking about smoking and how bad it is always makes me want to smoke....weird...

Flashman · 10/07/2008 15:30

Oh I can see that - when the govt banned smoking in the pubs I really wanted to just go and smoke in a pub.

PinkTulips · 10/07/2008 15:57

it's funny, loads of MNers admit to having the odd drink while preg, or sneaking something naughty to eat, or simply living on junk food as that's what they crave.

but admit to having the odd fag while preg and you might as well have admitted to murder.

i've never 100% given up and i'm on baby no.3. I smoke the odd half a fag here and there when i'm stressed. Is that really worse than having the odd glass of wine in terms of the damage it does? (for the record i haven't had a drink in years)

flashman is right in a way (although being a bit rude about phrasing it) when you want to give up you can... the problem is the triggers for giving up don't always occur when you need them to.... take my aunt. she smoked 40+ a day for 30 years, including through her ds's pregnancy (during which she also drank heavily, yet he was an 8lb12oz baby ). but when she was 50 she just quit one day, easy as pie. the other times she'd tried she'd failed miserably and couldn't cope but for some reason that time she manged just fine... something in her brain had just flipped and she didn't want to smoke anymore.

Flashman · 10/07/2008 16:01

That was rude?? But I never swore once. I was direct yes, but are people really that precious?

VictorianSqualor · 10/07/2008 16:52

Having a glass of wine when pg isn't the same as being a smoker.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread