Teacher carrying 9yo into school.

[ChitterChatter1987]

My eldest daughter (Year 5) is becoming really tricky to get into school some days, particularly Mondays.
She has a male teacher for the first time this year, who she seems to get on well with and speaks positively about.She had specifically asked to have him despite often generally being abit more fearful of males than females.He is popular with kids and parents and is fairly young and laid back, quite playful and enthusiastic in his approach.

A couple of times he has come out when we have had issues getting her in recently and has verbally managed to persuade DD to go in by giving an incentive etc which has worked well, but today despite him trying this and offering good solutions to her worries, she just would not go in, and went outside the office reception and sat down refusing to move.
He suggested out of earshot for me to go as maybe me being there was making her more reluctant, which i agree was probably true as maybe then she thinks she might be able to come home.

I walked off up the path and left him negotiating with her outside as he had advised, however then looked back and saw him fireman carrying her into the building.
Now I totally get it's a hard sitiation knowing how to get her in,and appreciate he has a class to teach, so can't stand outside negotiating with her for ages, and there is a possibility she was okay with him lifting her in and it was a fun game (although I would be surprised as she isn't really a tactile child with anyone other than me and sometimes her dad and sister) If someone had done that with my 5yo, unless she was kicking and screaming in upset, I probably wouldn't think much of it tbh, but with her being older on the cusp of puberty, him being male, and also her having ASD and not liking physical touch, it just feels like it might be quite humiliating for her and abit forceful and inappropriate, despite it being meant as a playful gesture to get her to go in.
We always try to teach her body autonomy, that nobody should touch her including hugs etc without her wanting them to, so i just worry that this is going against that, especially with him being an adult male.
She is quite a young 9.5, and fairly small for her age, so not sure he would have done it otherwise, but despite that she is still the age she is.

My plan is I will speak to her later and see if she was okay with it or not, and if not ask for a meeting with school, asking them to not do it again and discussing alternative methods to get her into school.

What are others thoughts on this practice? If anyone else has experienced something similar, or has any ideas of alternative ways to get her into school i would be grateful for your input!

You said it yourself - he can't stand there negotiating with her all morning. I say good for him. I hate this business of 'negotiating' with children. You go into school - end of

I think it depends on what happened after you left. If your Dd reluctantly agreed to go in and didn’t have an issue with the loft, or found it funny etc then I think the teacher has done an amazing job.

if he picked her up against her will l, it’s definitely wrong

Hes in an IR unit in mainstream but they frequently borrow staff from round the school and the unit children do go to their year group class
All staff at his school have received SEN training and have implemented methods with other children who could benefit

Of course that's often down to weather or not the individual school organise training

To update, I asked DD what happened after I left, about how she went into school, to give her the opportunity to tell me herself, but she didn't volunteer any info about the carrying thing, so I casually said I had thought i had seem him carrying her in.She initially denied this had happened (unsure why) but then agreed it had, but seemed quite embarrassed to talk about it, although said she liked it and it was fun when I checked if he had asked her first, and confirmed that he did.I reminded her that she can always say no if someone does something like that and she doesn't like it, or tell me if something makes her feel uncomfortable but she is too worried to say, and that i was just checking to make sure she didn't mind and that he had asked her permission.I could tell she didn't want to talk about it any further, but will keep an eye on things and definitely mention something if it keeps happening, as even it she said she didn't mind it it still doesn't feel ideal at her age to be happening regularly.

Did you ask her why she wouldn’t go in in the first place?

Maybe do that instead of concentrating on making sure she understands she must give permission to be carried into school going forward?