To think all this ‘boy mum’ crap is just misogyny?

[MyNavyDreamer]

I find this whole ‘boy mum’ culture incredibly irritating, particularly the women who make having sons their entire personality. It’s the way some of them talk about raising boys as though it’s somehow more special than raising girls, perpetuate stereotypes about boys being easier or less dramatic, and even make bizarre comments about being their son’s first love. I also find it interesting how some of the same women who complain about men’s behaviour seem perfectly happy to reinforce the very attitudes that contribute to misogyny. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of having sons but why does it need to become an entire identity?

AIBU? To think there’s a lot of internalised misogyny wrapped up in this whole ‘boy mum’ phenomenon?

As a midwife on the district in the UK I can testify that in Muslim households boys are definitely treated preferentially. They are the little Princes.
If you don’t believe that you are burying your heads in the sand.

This. I’ve also noticed they also ‘want a big family’ (to secretly keep trying for a girl) so either end up with a ton of boys, or a ton of boys plus 1 girl (who always so happens to be the final baby).

I think it sounds lovely. There are so many benefits to reading to older children. Sometimes I read passages from a book out to my DH if I find them poignant or funny. I don't think sharing books has to just be in the context of snuggling up under the covers with a picture book.

Ime people with only boys act like girls are some sort of unfathomable, slightly unpleasant, alien species, and vice versa. They are all just the young of our species, dunno why there always has to be so much attention seeking drama around the sex of your children.
*Edited to say that i have both, so no skin in the game.

And yes there are also women that make being a ‘girl mum’ their entire personality and I see this a lot. Lots of posts about going for coffees and manicures in future (🙄)

I don’t think anyone denies that, most of us are familiar with conservative cultures favouring boys, it’s been around for thousands of years.

There are also now people now favouring girls more strongly, mostly due to social media and wanting to have a girl bestie or little mini-me.

Two different things.

I have sons but have never referred to myself as a 'boy mum'. My boys are absolutely the loves of my life, as daughters would be had I had girls.

The truth is, it is only on Mumsnet that I ever feel as though I am expected to justify having sons and explain how I have raised them. In real life, we just enjoy our life, work hard, my sons both have lovely girlfriends, one has left home, both have cooked for themselves for years, I am often told how lovely my sons are. I am immensely proud of them.

None of the above would have been any different had I had daughters. Nothing in life would be any different. My sons have both told me that they would go to anything with me, and have. I have missed out on nothing in life and they are the sunshine of my life.

During parent evenings (mostly mothers attending), I found that many mothers made huge excuses for their sons! Illegible handwriting - “well he’s a boy!” Forgetting to practice reading - “well he’s a boy!” Used to really annoy me!
Having said that, the sweetest pupils over 30 years were boys!

You are one?

Like i say I've no problem with sharing a book. It's the bedtime thing I feel odd. Can you imagine two 14 year olds discussing the book their parents are reading to them at bedtime.
I get my love of reading from my dad. We used to go to the library together. It was our thing. I'm in my 50s now but I still remember those days fondly. So I've no problem with reading and having a shared interest at all I just find it odd to be reading to a 14 year old at bedtime.

I presume this is a social media trend of which I am blissfully unaware.

Agreed! I love reading and so do my DC. Sharing a new story together is a lovely way
to unwind at the end of a day. You can’t underestimate the educational importance of literature too.

It comes up on Mumsnet quite a lot. I have never heard of 'boy mums' anywhere else.

I've never heard anyone say anything like this. Is this something you've seen in person or just tiktok nonsense?

I've not heard this either. Would like to add that I have 3 girls but I do have friends with boys and to be honest, from what I see, girls are infinitely easier.

I have 5 boys. I sometimes find myself calling myself a boy mum and being overenthusiastic about having boys but that's mainly because so many people seem to think I'm desperate for a girl. I think part of that is because I have 5 the same sex then people think I just kept having children in the hope that one of them would be a girl. People keep asking me if we will "try again for a girl" and don't seem to believe me when I say we had this many children because we wanted lots of children and we stopped because we felt 5 was enough. I love having boys, I'm sure I would have loved girls too. There are advantages and disadvantages of both. I love it when I can swan into the ladies toilet by myself while dh takes them all in the gents. Girls clothes are nicer colours I think but I just buy pink socks with unicorns on them for myself. A lot of the differences are to do with personality rather than sex. Lots of girls like sports and lots of boys like crafts.

I have one of each. I think the boy being their Mum’s true love and all that is weird however I do think that other boy Mum’s or Mum’s of both can appreciate how different it can be parenting DD and DS’s.

I do find some of my friends who just have girls, have very different viewpoints on parenting vs those who have boys or boys and girls.

Obviously not all boys but an example is with my son, play fighting with other boys even ones they’ve met at soft play and known all of five minutes is ‘fun’. Never having had experience of boys before this was a learning curve for me, but the other ‘boy Mums’ would get it, girl Mums would think we had a choice in them playing like this (I would have before!)

Misogyny always has two sides affecting men and women, so there's no point making "boy mum" stereotypes the target without addressing the whole picture.

When I was pregnant with a boy, I had people falling over themselves to console me against my will, by telling me that girls are awful. MIL was openly disappointed, and is already skipping out on commitments to my toddler on favour of his new female cousin.

When I met up with a group of friends, they all smirked about the fact that they all had a girl first, because they wanted a girly mum-daughter relationship, one had already expressed disappointment that her second was a boy.

These things don't exist in isolation from each other, and neither side is going to change much whilst the other exists.

So grow the fuck up and start treating all children as themselves, not as avatars for their sex.

Pffff to that.
I had a teacher once tell me that "DS's handwriting is reasonable for a boy".
I could feel DS shrink next to me knowing I was not going to let it pass.
Oh and another teacher put my other son off studying RE at GCSE because he said there was a lot of essay writing and that's why mostly girls took it.
This son is now studying A level Eng Lit.

Lower expectations for boys it seems.

When I met up with a group of friends, they all smirked about the fact that they all had a girl first, because they wanted a girly mum-daughter relationship, one had already expressed disappointment that her second was a boy.

What? Who on earth are these people? I have never come across anything like this, nor heard similar. Are they still your friends?

My son has a degree in theology, philosophy and secondary teaching and a Masters in Creative Writing! 😁

Yes. Every single time. I hope these little boys never find out that they were not the preferred gender and were a great disappointment even before they were born.

So it's hardly surprising if some women maybe go a tad overboard in expressing joy in their sons. Not sure if this is really a 'thing' in real life as much as online however.

I'm not a parent (yet) but I think it probably stems from people telling mothers of boys that oh, aren't they disappointed that they don't have a girl to dress up/go on girly shopping trips together and boys are so much more difficult, untidy, potentially violent etc. The boy mum archetype is a bit of overcompensation to say that "yes I have boys and actually I'm happy with them". (I'm not talking about the comment about being "my son's first love" - that's just inexcusable).

I think there is definitely a preference for daughters in modern UK (maybe not in religious minorities but in general society, yes) and some brazen people feel empowered to make unkind comments to the mothers of boys about how they must to disappointed and they just wish they had a daughter. I find this quite bizarre. Why is there this blatant preference for daughters? Don't these people have husbands/fathers/brothers etc that they love and cherish? Aren't they aware that boys can have a range of interests and personalities and not all boys are into stereotypical masculine activities? Speaking as a daughter, I am not close to my DM; we have always had completely different interests and personalities, so I know a daughter is not some kind of surrogate friend/mini me and it's unfair to put that expectation on her.

meh, going around talking about how Boy Mom's have a love no one else had ever felt, how Boy Mom's have the best job in the world, how Boy Mom's have it so much easier / better / harder / whatever is NOT women just trying hard to be good Moms. It's a weird smuggness about how their Dad gave you a certain sperm instead of a different one. I mean it isn't even something the woman does to get a boy or girl. could I absolutely extend this to GIRL MOMS too who are equally obnoxious

yup. women who have actively chosen to have sex and generally a relationship with a MAN complaining they're having to have one when they're all so EWW!!

I have an idea that could turn all of this on it's head. Can we stop saying/normalising 'tomboy'. Please!!
An impassioned plea from a 'boy mum' who is sick and tired of it.