To think all this ‘boy mum’ crap is just misogyny?

[MyNavyDreamer]

I find this whole ‘boy mum’ culture incredibly irritating, particularly the women who make having sons their entire personality. It’s the way some of them talk about raising boys as though it’s somehow more special than raising girls, perpetuate stereotypes about boys being easier or less dramatic, and even make bizarre comments about being their son’s first love. I also find it interesting how some of the same women who complain about men’s behaviour seem perfectly happy to reinforce the very attitudes that contribute to misogyny. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of having sons but why does it need to become an entire identity?

AIBU? To think there’s a lot of internalised misogyny wrapped up in this whole ‘boy mum’ phenomenon?

They’re not really bad by any stretch and could be much worse. I just think parenting girls is different to boys in some ways. Girls do often bring more drama than boys, particularly as they enter puberty. When they were small they had lots of tantrums and were pretty highly strung whereas DS’s have never once had a tantrum.

Please take a social media break. It is not real life.

Your son’s not having tantrums says nothing about boys in general and isn’t supported by any data either.
Perhaps if all your girls had lots of tantrums and your boys didn’t have any there’s a clear parenting difference they were receiving.

ok mine is 11 not 14 but why is it so awful that they still like being read to and sharing a story together? often a chance to talk about other stuff too. I don't climb into bed and insist he snuggles whilst I read Benny's First Bike to him, but he will ask me or DH to read some chapters of his funny books, we have a laugh about the stories, we get a moment of 121 time that idnt homework or chores.

Not especially closely.

Interestingly, none of them have sisters, whilst I have a brother and two sisters.

They're all educated and professional high achievers.

Two were only children.

One told me she had a "sister fantasy" as a child where her long-lost sister showed up and they were best friends. She's taken her older daughter on numerous solo trips abroad since she was a toddler, and says she'll do it with her son at some point - but the years roll on and there's no sign of it.

One of the others has a dysfunctional relationship with her own mum, seeing her as preferring her brother. But to her credit, whilst she's happy to have a girl, she is appalled by how the other woman treats her son.

The last had difficulties with conceiving, so whilst she does want both ideally, I can see that she knows that she may only have one child, which she has a preference for one sex (she was also only pregnant, so at the stage where your imagination has more power than the actuality of the person you've made).

As for MIL, that side of the family endlessly spouted sexist bs about both sexes. My family just saw him as another baby, a blank state.

So overall, I don't generally hold their opinions in high regard.

However I've had other friends express preferences for girls openly, in front of me who is happy with one boy, and another friend who'd love to but can't have another child of either sex.

And at work, it was incredibly depressing to have a string of older women telling me that girls and women were awful and I was better of with a boy.

(As it happens, my son is widely accepted as the most cheerful and delightful little soul amongst his contemporaries - all the other parents of boys or girls tease me that I've got off fucking lightly as a toddler mum, and I know it.)