To think all this ‘boy mum’ crap is just misogyny?

[MyNavyDreamer]

I find this whole ‘boy mum’ culture incredibly irritating, particularly the women who make having sons their entire personality. It’s the way some of them talk about raising boys as though it’s somehow more special than raising girls, perpetuate stereotypes about boys being easier or less dramatic, and even make bizarre comments about being their son’s first love. I also find it interesting how some of the same women who complain about men’s behaviour seem perfectly happy to reinforce the very attitudes that contribute to misogyny. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of having sons but why does it need to become an entire identity?

AIBU? To think there’s a lot of internalised misogyny wrapped up in this whole ‘boy mum’ phenomenon?

I read some research on parental happiness recently to say that the happiest parents that responded had 2 children and, of those, the happiest had 2 girls.

I have 1 of each. I had several miscarriages, was well aware I might never have children and would have very much welcomed children of either sex regardless.

Maybe some parents rationalise their happiness at the children they have into being very pro sons or pro daughters?

I have one of each, but I remember talking to my SIL after finding out I was having a boy second time around and she actually said ‘god, I’m so glad I’m a girl mum. I would NOT have wanted a boy’! 😳
I think the ‘boy mum’ narrative is in response to the prevalent ‘anti boy baby’ attitude and the many women openly admitting girl babies are more desirable.
Both my children are amazing in their own way and I wouldn’t change either of them.

The stereotype about boys being easier and less dramatic is very much true with my DC. I have three boys and two girls, I would have taken five boys if given the choice. My boys are super easy going and laid back and there’s never any drama or hassle with them at all. My teen DD’s have been a whirlwind pretty much from the get go.

Definitely more of this. Until the girls are teenagers and suddenly, they're like, 'Why is she sooooooooooo mean????'. LOL

Neither gender is better or worse to parent, anyone is lucky to have any baby. But I do think there is some truth in the stereotypical differences between parenting different genders, generally speaking.

There probably is an element of parents rationalising their happiness around the children they have. I don’t see anything wrong with being delighted to have sons or daughters. It’s when that pride turns into a sense of superiority, negative attitudes towards girls or the idea that boys deserve different treatment that I take issue with.

I think it is just your perception. As a mum of boys I hear a lot of 'you lose your son to their wife", "girly day out" rubbish which I just ignore. It's unimportant and irrelevant to my relationship with my children. Just focus on yourself and ignore the twaddle - its often a symptom of unhappiness imo.

I have to agree a bit. But NABMALT (Not All Boy Mums Are Like That.) And as has been said, the worst ones for bashing girls and saying how much better boys are, are often hiding a secret desire to have a girl. Women who are happy with their boys generally do not bash girls.

I do hear way more boy mums bashing girls, than girl mums bashing boys. The girl mums (and mums who have both) never/rarely bash boys, we just sit back and smile sweetly, and feel a bit sorry for them because we know they wanted a girl.

As I said, this is ONLY the boy mums who are mean about girls, not NABMALT!

YABU

Its so tedious! The amount of times I have heard "AS HE IS A BOY" followed by he needs more fresh air/activities/stimulation/input/martial arts than a girl.
Girls just sit still dressing dolls in pink outfits, gossiping and complaining.

I haven't met anyone like this. I have seen boy mum stuff a couple of times on insta and it seems mainly to do with being messy and very active. My boys are both but I don't see it as being because they are boys as I was far messier and overly active than my brother as a child.

I've never experienced this. We have a boy and I was asked whilst pregnant if I was disappointed that he wasn't a girl. And then all the threads about gender disappointment on here are always really creepy women who wanted a girl to make into a little doll to dress up and take out for afternoon tea.

I'm not really sure if we are raising him any differently to how we would he he was a girl. I have had some horrible experiences with men in my life and that may impact my parenting.

Yes completely this!
The notion that girls are all delicate flowers who don't like mud, gunk, taking things apart, need physical exercise to burn off the energy is so frustrating.
Observing my girl with her peers from nursery to now as an almost teenager, it is completely down to the child's personality rather than their sex.

I have one of each and my son is definitely harder work but he's also more affectionate and loves cuddles, teddies etc. But every child is different and every family and situation is different. I also teach P2 and you have girls and boys that are quiet, loud, gentle, polite, rude, energetic etc. After 16 years of teaching however I do find that a class of more boys is often more challenging. I subbed once in an all boys school (30 P1 boys). It was carnage. Never again 😂. I managed 3 days and was always 'busy' when that school rang me after that. The girl's primary school that was across the road that I also subbed in was an absolute delight.

Being asked if you're disappointed it's a boy (or another boy) is horrible. Imagine thinking it's OK to say that to someone. No-one ever says it to a woman who has girls/is having a girl. Why is that?

I’ve only ever seen it used as a - look how chaotic my day is. (Compared to girl mum having a lovely chilled time)

I think people push their own disappointments. I had this comment from my nan - I was not disappointed at all but she felt I should be!

Bravest thing ever posted on Mumsnet tbh

Do you actually meet women in real-life who behave like the boy mums you’re describing OP?
Or is this all amplified on social media?

Who is it you’re hanging around with that’s saying this? None of the parents I know speak like this.

I experienced this a few times during my pregnancy. It took us a decade to conceive due to infertility. I was rather unwell and emotional and I did find it upsetting.

Some people just make being a parent their whole personality, in some way or another. Too dull/dim for anything else.

Hmmm mum of 2 DDs here, all I’ve heard is how much people feel sorry for my husband for not having a son, “think of the teenage years and the hell you will go through”, boys are sooooo much easier etc… so YANBU

I know a couple of women like this in real life and they make me gag.

✨Oooh I wouldn't know what to do with a girl! Ooh I love football me, so glad I have boys to enjoy football with instead of A GIRL. So glad I don't have to learn to do hair, I barely run a brush through mine! Etc etc✨

Piss off!

I have 2 boys and we are trying for a third, because we want 3 children, and a lot of people are assuming it's because I want a girl. I actually just want a healthy baby, having battled infertility for 4 years and then ongoing issues on this cycle.

Same. I have been asked if I want another child to try for a girl, or if i am I disappointed because I only have a boy. I bet mums don't get asked very often if they are disappointed because they have a girl! I am just a mum, I have never referred to myself as a "boy mum"