To think all this ‘boy mum’ crap is just misogyny?

[MyNavyDreamer]

I find this whole ‘boy mum’ culture incredibly irritating, particularly the women who make having sons their entire personality. It’s the way some of them talk about raising boys as though it’s somehow more special than raising girls, perpetuate stereotypes about boys being easier or less dramatic, and even make bizarre comments about being their son’s first love. I also find it interesting how some of the same women who complain about men’s behaviour seem perfectly happy to reinforce the very attitudes that contribute to misogyny. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of having sons but why does it need to become an entire identity?

AIBU? To think there’s a lot of internalised misogyny wrapped up in this whole ‘boy mum’ phenomenon?

I have 3 sons and have no idea what you are talking about. I parent them as they require, I don’t “make it my personality “ and I certainly don’t put them on a pedestal. I believe if I had had a daughter I would have parented similarly.

I have very close friends who have children of only sex and I can’t recognise this behaviour in any of them.

Suggest you get off social media!

There is a huge difference between “moms of boys” and “Boy Moms (TM)”

Just like nice guys and Nice Guys are not the same thing

Literally THIS. There are so many people who look down on women because they had a boy and they had this absolutely perfect, angelic little girl 🙃

I think girl mums are weirder than boy mums!

That's really interesting. People who are unkind often diminish other people's troubles as drama, it's a really unpleasant word in that context. Nice people tend to react with compassion and decency.
End of.

As a 'boy mum' AND a 'girl mum' I think you're all as daft as brushes if you believe any of this nonsense about each other.

YABU -

Smug girls mums are just as annoying as enmeshed boy mums. How come you only pick up on one?

I have 1 daughter, a son, and having another son. The idea that we all are desperate for girls is annoying and rooted in social media flexing.

I must admit, while I do know many a mild mannered and gentle boy, I have never seen a pile of girls wrestling in the middle of a field laughing uproariously as I did on Sunday.

I think people take it a bit seriously. I’ve never seen anything suggesting that mums are attracted to their boys (wot) though. I think a lot of it is just a bit jokey and more inclined to focus on the slightly more destructive aspect boys sometimes display.

But I found my DS hard work as a younger child (under four I’d broadly say.) He was a bit mental, would constantly try to access or go to play equipment he couldn’t really get on and have massive tantrums when removed. His verbal skills weren’t great - followed a more or less normal trajectory but he didn’t express himself clearly, got easily frustrated and was a biter at nursery which was embarrassing.

I struggled to find common ground with him I suppose. He was into trucks, diggers, tractors. I didn’t really get how I was supposed to be sat there going brumm brummm for ages.

Ha. He’s now six. Still loves a tractor but he is just the most awesome kid. We watched Attenborough’s Last Day Of The Dinosaurs the other night together. He’s so interested in nature and animals and the natural world. He is the best person to spend time with, very independent, easygoing, doesn’t make a fuss if plans have to change. I could gush about him all day. I wish someone had explained to me that toddlers are just whingey hard work whatever sex they are. They get better at around four.

I do have a girl as well. I’m sure she’ll have interests and talents to share with me and the wider world. I don’t think I’m a boy or girl mum. I’m their mum, and so happy I am.

The only person who has ever called me a ‘boy mum’ is an acquaintance who commented that she felt sorry for me as she “knows” how much I would have wanted a girl (I didn’t care either way) as I am quite girly/feminine. She also asked if I was ever tempted to dress him up in a dress. Weirdo!

Why do you have an issue with mothers celebrating the fact they have sons ? Why shouldn't that be a positive ?

I find the whole distaste and dislike around having sons far weirder tbh.

Because this thread is specifically about ‘boy mum’ culture. That doesn’t mean I think smug ‘girl mums’ are any less irritating. My point isn’t about mothers preferring one sex over another, it’s about the misogynistic attitudes that can underpin the whole ‘boy mum’ identity. The pedestal some women put their sons on, the way they speak about other women and the different standards they apply to boys and girls. I’m not suggesting every mother of sons behaves this way nor that everyone secretly wants a daughter.

Are you saying there is no difference between boys and girls and that therefore there is no difference between boy mums and girl mums because if you are you are wrong. Boys and girls are different. Having a boy or a girl first affects your parenting style. Rather than being misogynistic, think denial of the differences is a sign of misandry which is rife on MN.

Agreed!

It's more people who constantly say how much better boys are and how they're so glad they didn't have a girl as girls are [insert negative quality.] I would assume someone was protesting too much in that case, yes.

I've only ever seen this 'boy-mum' and 'girl-mum' shit on social media. Along with 'baby Daddy'.

I think I'd be a bit sick in my mouth if someone used any of those in an actual conversation with me. Twee shite.

You mean a parent, presumably?

I have two boys and have honestly never come across this. I would have liked a girl, but once my children were in the world, with their own wee personalities, I didn’t give another thought to the fact they were boys. I don’t understand why anyone would make a big deal out of it. They aren’t special, considering they make up half the population. There are plenty of other things that make your child special and they have nothing to do with what sex they are.

I do remember, before I had children, feeling almost sorry for parents of boys because I thought they were more of a ‘handful’, but that was just the naivety of not having any experience as a parent. Neither one of my sons fits the stereotypical definition of how a boy is ‘supposed’ to behave.

Totally agree. I'm royally sick of the expression "internalised misogyny".

It's such a MN cliché now and MN clichés always make me feel that the person throwing them around can't actually think for themselves - they just parrot what they see written down and think they sound superior and better at feminism than everyone else.

I come from good feminist stock. Mum was an original Greenham Common stalwart (still got her donkey jacket) and my extended family is predominately made up of strong women, but I've been accused of the dreaded I.M. more than once on here. It's ridiculous.

It's more people putting down the opposite sex to what they have and saying how superior the sex they had is that's the issue. It just makes people look like a raging sexist or a bit envious.

It's not "boy mums" it's just people acting in one stereotypical way or another.

I have both but mothers of boys get so so much shit from people. Endless shitty comments about not having a girl.

I wonder if fathers of daughters get comments about not having a boy when their wife/partner is pregnant?

Where have I said I have an issue with mothers celebrating their sons? There’s a difference between loving and celebrating your children and making having sons your entire identity while perpetuating misogynistic attitudes. My issue is with the latter, as I thought I’d made clear in my OP. I’m not sure where you’ve got the idea that I dislike boys or think having sons is a negative thing.

I Think this is click bait swear I’ve seen the same post before

I am more worried by the grammar. 'Mum of boys' surely is correct? Also the definition. If you are the 'boy mum' of three little lads and then have a girl , does your status change?

Picking on mums for whatever they do is steeped in misogyny. It needs to stop.

Agree with this. I don't use the term 'boy mum' but as a mum of boys I do get fed up with constantly being told that I must be so sad that I don't have any daughters. It's deeply tedious as well as not true.

That’s part of what makes the whole thing so ridiculous. It’s become an identity rather than simply a description of having sons. And presumably having a daughter would ruin the branding!