To think all this ‘boy mum’ crap is just misogyny?

[MyNavyDreamer]

I find this whole ‘boy mum’ culture incredibly irritating, particularly the women who make having sons their entire personality. It’s the way some of them talk about raising boys as though it’s somehow more special than raising girls, perpetuate stereotypes about boys being easier or less dramatic, and even make bizarre comments about being their son’s first love. I also find it interesting how some of the same women who complain about men’s behaviour seem perfectly happy to reinforce the very attitudes that contribute to misogyny. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of having sons but why does it need to become an entire identity?

AIBU? To think there’s a lot of internalised misogyny wrapped up in this whole ‘boy mum’ phenomenon?

Thanks. Honestly I just thought she was a rude nutter. After 6 rounds of IVF I could not have given a shit whether I was havjng a boy or a girl. I was and am just grateful to have my kids

I mean I have never seen or heard this! I have however seen women get over excited about having daughters and being able to go on ‘spa days’ and ‘girly shopping trips’ and them being best friends. As it stands I have a boy, I wanted a boy and I was ever so glad I had a boy!

Watch this if you think boys and girls are the same. Same age, developmentally on a different path.

This is only a thing online. Get off Instagram.

I opened this thread ready to agree with you OP. Because yes, I do find the label 'boy mum' when uses as a pejorative against women misogynist. Also ridiculous given 77% of mothers have a son.
Yet disappointingly you are just another person perpetuating stereotypes about women with sons, that they are preferred to daughters, that they involve unhealthy, bordering on incestuous relationships. These stereotypes are the reason perfectly normal interactions with adult sons that wouldn't be remarked on if he were a daughter are seen as 'weird' 'creepy' etc.
I assume the label when self applied is likely push back against a misogynist culture that supposes all women are secretly disappointed if they don't have a daughter to dress in pink and be 'girly' with.
If you don't like the particular strain of misogyny that weaponises motherhood and parenting against us, then a good first step is to leave other mothers be. And in general terms, stop trying to find a way to blame misogyny on women.

Sorry to hear this. I’ve also have weird comments since having a boy - “will you try for a girl next” “good luck” “did you want a girl?”. It’s been really disappointing.

I think a lot of the boy mum act is deflection/over compensation from other women’s disappointment in their own child’s gender (which is weird and have absolutely nothing to do with them) - mostly smug girl mums who often fail to hide the pity towards boy mums.

It was unquestionably rude. Perhaps she's had some awful experience, but there is no way she should have said or done that to you.

Any baby is a gift and a unique package. I am so happy for you to have had your lovely child. What an immense journey to get there! Congratulations 🙂

Is it a generational thing too? Like the digital age has perpetuated this boy mum persona via influencers and people on Instagram and TikTok. I imagine if you’re not millennial, Gen Z or maybe Gen X it’s not really much of a thing

Having had two boys, I’ve been pitied the whole time. All those mums with their ‘special’ mum/ daughter relationships that I’m missing out on. The shared interests, the shopping, the girly chats… I’ve heard it all, so I really don’t get the ‘boy mum think she’s better’ thing.

I do think being the mother of two boys changed me in that I had to take on new interests that weren’t naturally mine and I became much more physically active to keep up with them. But honestly, all the rest is just internet nonsense and another way of creating division between women.

That being said, I do see it with some girl mums too - I think it’s just more of a social media persona thing !

What do you think that proves?
7 year olds don’t come into existence from a bubble, they have been parented and brought up in a specific way up to that point.

I've never heard of this before.

I've given birth to two children. Both sons. My first son died shortly after birth. So when my second baby was born 12 years later I was just so thankful and grateful to have a healthy child. It didn't matter to me one iota whether it was a boy or a girl.

When my DH died when my son was 18 one of the things that really upset me was the way some people made jibes about him being a " mummy's boy". He had his own life and his own friends but because we were the only relatives we had we naturally spent some time together. We continued following our football team together as we had done as a family when my DH was alive and this really seemed to bring out the worst in some people. I just understand their problem and why it had anything to do with them.

What does it matter if we have boy or girl children? They are all special

Wtf what is wrong with people

I think social media has definitely amplified it and given it a name, but I don’t think the underlying attitudes are particularly new. The idea of mothers putting sons on a pedestal, treating daughters differently and excusing poor behaviour in boys has existed for generations. I think the ‘boy mum’ trend is just a modern manifestation of something that’s been around for a very long time.

I think it's a reaction to the societal idea that every mum "must" want a little girl she can dress up and go shopping with.

What sort of parenting do you think causes differences in gross motor coordination?

These are innate differences in development.

Is this another social media fad? It really is the pits isn't it? Nobody gave a shit before.

Perhaps they are fed up of a society that views boys as lesser. I have three boys and the amount of comments and sympathy I have had about that over the years from strangers is actually bizarre.
And here on this thread you have the same kind of thing; accusations of incestuous feelings, people saying they are just disappointed to not have a girl and so on. All because a mother shows love for her sons.

Im so sorry for your losses. And people's reactions too. Terrible. Im glad youre close to your son

I must have been living under a stone because I'm unaware of boy-mum-culture.

I have one dc, a boy.

Raising him involved a lot of den building, cycling, swimming. No interest in clothes or hair. A bit of angst about wanting a gym body. Raging competitiveness. STEM a'levels. Worries about being "successful".

But also the basics obviously - hygiene, grooming, chores, manners etc

I just raised him with all the basics plus the bits he was interested in. Surely that's what everyone does?

If I'd had a girl, I'd have taken the same approach.

I think it's the opposite on MN - without fail every single 'gender disappointment' thread is about having a boy and not a girl.

YabvvvvvvvvvvvvvUNREASONABLE, with your "internalized misogyny" . nonsense. 😤

I hear what you’re saying. However, I do have to disagree about the attitudes you’ve highlighted about both genders. I don’t think people are putting boys on pedestals as much as they maybe used to. I keep getting articles coming up about how prevalent boy gender disappointment is. It seems most parents do want a girl. I think that has something to do with toxic masculinity and how difficult it can be raising healthy and stable men. So maybe the boy mum persona we see demonstrated online is a bit of overcompensation to overcome their disappointment.

I don't think a video from such a macho, patriarchal culture as Russia necessarily proves very much.

I wonder if "boy mum" identity often goes along with a "boys will be boys" attitude, i.e. a refusal to instill discipline properly.

Omg thay woman is bonkers, I think I’d burst out laughing in her face.