To think all this ‘boy mum’ crap is just misogyny?

[MyNavyDreamer]

I find this whole ‘boy mum’ culture incredibly irritating, particularly the women who make having sons their entire personality. It’s the way some of them talk about raising boys as though it’s somehow more special than raising girls, perpetuate stereotypes about boys being easier or less dramatic, and even make bizarre comments about being their son’s first love. I also find it interesting how some of the same women who complain about men’s behaviour seem perfectly happy to reinforce the very attitudes that contribute to misogyny. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of having sons but why does it need to become an entire identity?

AIBU? To think there’s a lot of internalised misogyny wrapped up in this whole ‘boy mum’ phenomenon?

In my honest experience I’ve found the opposite - sons are the valued choice and on here you still have threads about people privately educating their sons over their daughters/sons inheriting over daughters.

Just as much lazy stereotyping as the OP.

A site populated mainly by women talking about the good and bad things in their lives is naturally going to have plenty of threads about men. Women’s experiences of male violence, unequal treatment and structures that favour men are clearly going to be common themes.

So its hardly a shock that, some discussions won’t show some men in a particularly good light. Discussing harmful behaviour, inequality / bias or other conflict is not the same as hating every man. Statistically, its not all men, but it's more likely to be a man that is a problem for women. Maybe you should consider why you have such a problem with women discussing the very real problems they have which involve men.

*✨Oooh I wouldn't know what to do with a girl! Ooh I love football me, so glad I have boys to enjoy football with instead of A GIRL. So glad I don't have to learn to do hair, I barely run a brush through mine! Etc etc✨

Piss off!*

Your piss made me laugh 😀

Completely not true for me…. Again was told we should try again so DH could have a son and not be in a house full of women!

Giving it a little more thought, I did recently read that there is an early disparity in parental reading between the genders. Only 30% of preschool boy are read to daily compared to 45% of preschool girls. Then men are less likely to read so little boys don't see that behaviour in their role models.

And some parents do seem to have lower expectations of little boys. I regularly hear that boys are later to talk or later to potty train and its used as an excuse to accept behaviours. Fighting also seems to be more accepted.

Yes, I saw that, and I found it very interesting because if I am honest I would have thought that parents of one child would have been happiest!

I do think there is a lot of pigheadedness around this topic though.

I did a quick google and boys make up over two thirds of permanent school exclusions and over twice as likely to receive fixed term suspensions.

Men make up 96% of the prison population. And out of the 4% of women in prison, 63% are there for non violent crimes.

Obviously most boys aren’t excluded and most men aren’t in prison. But I don’t really understand why people are aware of those huge disparities in the extreme sort of cases and yet keep insisting there’s no difference at all between the two sexes.

Some girls are fine though and some boys are difficult.
I have three boys and two girls, I would have taken five boys if given the choice
That's a bit sad that you wish your dds had been boys. They must be really bad but lots of girls are fine.

I had never heard the term until it was directed at me disparagingly by mothers of girls. It happens every time I say something about any of my three sons’ inability to keep hold of their possessions, or how muddy they get, etc. So I surmise that it is a stereotype that we (mothers of boys) are too indulgent of their nascent untrammelled masculinity. I found it quite nasty. I have never assumed girls are all that different, and am just talking about children, but they seem to assume we assume that. Or something.

You know i womder if thats why I only hear it from women about how I should be disappointed by not havjng a daughter? Maybe more men expect all parents want boys in the same way IME more women seen to expect parents to want girls?

then drives their kids 0.2 miles to school

in a V6 Ranger Rover that eats petrol just by looking at it

then come home and smudge all the extra C02 out of the atmosphere

Pretty insulting none the less.

I can see that for many years there was a preference for boy babies, but it seems like now - in the U.K. and US at least - there has been an extreme swing in the other direction. There is a real sense that having a boy is in some way ‘losing’ or ‘missing out’. A lot of it is on social media, but the strength of the messaging can be hard to ignore! Out of curiosity I’ve just done a 60 second glance through TikTok (yes yes it’s a stupid platform but very influential!!) and have come across:

’I’ve never won the lottery but I’ve heard “it’s a girl” and that’s pretty much the same thing’

‘I’ve got three daughters and honestly feel like one of God’s chosen ones’

‘Every time I see a mum with a baby boy I think please God not that for me’

‘So awkward when I instinctively ask someone if they are having a girl or terminating’

‘When I say “girl or clinic” people think I’m joking… but I am dead serious’

…it’s rough out there!!

I recently saw a video of a mum talking about all the ways in which she was raising her sons to be good husbands. The actual things she was doing were fine - teaching them to cook, getting them to do their own laundry etc. - but I was really struck by the oddness of it… imagine a video from a mum about raising a daughter to be a good wife! She’d be shot down in flames!

It feels like a vicious cycle. Boys are surrounded by messaging about their being aggressive, impatient, thoughtless, careless, unsophisticated predators-in-waiting. It’s pretty hard for them to grow into kind, sensitive men under those conditions (though of course many do).

All this to say… I think a bit of celebrating sons might be no bad thing.

Tongue in cheek nonsense.
That said you don't meet 'Girl mums' in the park in the rain. Definitely a boy mum place to be.

Who actually looks at their child and thinks ‘I wish you weren’t you’?

I think that’s horrible!

Very possibly although again I know plenty of women who really wanted sons and considered themselves a failure for not producing one (not cultural). Also I remember hearing the phrase “rich mans family” which was considered to mean a first born son and a daughter.

You're just piling on insult after insult!

Feel a bit sorry for them?

Agree with this

my 12 year old is quite the fan of coming to the spa with me, he’s gutted he can’t use all the facilities yet, but enjoys a massage and a facial when he can!
my 8 year old is SUCH a diva fashion-icon. I’m taking glittery suits, embroidered jackets. He loves a “mummy and me day” out shopping, trying on clothes, going for coffees.
Thing is, as you said, you can do anything with any gender child, as long as you take into account their interests too!

There are distinct physical differences between the sexes. It would be surprising if potty training was the same for both. Their brains also develop differently. Obviously, there are huge variations within the sexes as well.

I think I understand what you are getting at OP. I'm in the minority in my friends group with having only girls, most have only boys.

A previous poster mentioned something about girl parents having it easy - boys run around and chaos etc. And you always get the thing about oh wait until they are teens etc. To me it feels the same as when you have people saying "oh female workplaces/ managers are so bitchy".

Full transparency, I did have a preference for girls and I have two and now would definitely prefer to have girls because those are MY kids! So probably the same for most parents - you might have a preference for your hypothetical kids, but I think then pretty much everyone switches to being glad for what they have!

I agree. It’s two sides of the same coin, all amplified by social media and both equally ridiculous in their own way.

A couple of posters have mentioned generational differences. I’m at the younger end of Gen X, so grew up when ‘progressive’ meant rejecting gender stereotypes and it was absolutely normal for girls to have short hair, your average male pop star was coated in make up and Lego was wasn’t gender coded etc, etc 😁 Given that, I find the whole ‘girl mum’, ‘boy mum’ thing so bizarre and regressive - it’s just regurgitating sexist stereotypes for social media clicks. Personally, I’m just stoked to have healthy, happy DC who exist as individuals and not as a sexist stereotype/narcissistic extension of my personality.

I’ve never seen this. In my circles ’boy mum’ is a way of signifying solidarity and appreciation for sons in a world which often assumes you must be gutted to have all boys, but I’ve not seen it turn toxic in the way the OP describes.

I’ve seen more of this with girls. I am a ‘boy mum’ and it’s lovely. Expect I’d have enjoyed being a ‘girl mum’ too 🤷‍♀️. Just people desperately wanting to identify with a tribe probably.

I have, but they are only boy Mums if you have girls and boys, you are not a boy mum, boy Mum’s do tend to treat their sons like Lords, girls Mmum’s do not behave similarly (in my Experience)