To think all this ‘boy mum’ crap is just misogyny?

[MyNavyDreamer]

I find this whole ‘boy mum’ culture incredibly irritating, particularly the women who make having sons their entire personality. It’s the way some of them talk about raising boys as though it’s somehow more special than raising girls, perpetuate stereotypes about boys being easier or less dramatic, and even make bizarre comments about being their son’s first love. I also find it interesting how some of the same women who complain about men’s behaviour seem perfectly happy to reinforce the very attitudes that contribute to misogyny. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of having sons but why does it need to become an entire identity?

AIBU? To think there’s a lot of internalised misogyny wrapped up in this whole ‘boy mum’ phenomenon?

I have been a boy Mom (barf) for 27 years - 2 wonderful sons.

I've seen some Boy Mom reels - but they tend to just be about finding massive shoes everywhere and eating vast amounts of food i.e. a loose and harmless stereotype that many people can relate to.

I am not aware of any sort of phenomenon, but maybe my sons are too old.
I've never had anyone ask if I miss not having a girl, rather I am the one to say the only thing I feel melancholy about is seeing some wonderful adult daughter/mother relationships, sharing more typically female interests in the genres of music, reading, dance and theatre - I would have loved that. But I have nieces.

We're all a combo of nature and nurture. If there's a lot of anecdotal evidence that little boys are harder to potty train and girls are earlier to speak, chances are there are some biological reasons behind it. That has certainly been my experience comparing my son to my nieces, but to reference your examples my dh reads and my son has asked for books for Christmas. So again it's all a combo of nature/nurture.
What is silly is arguing that one gender is better to parent than another. I have a precious only child and would have loved whoever I was given.

Sounds ridiculous. I'm so glad I had my son in the 90s before all this crap was around, and we just got on with, you know, raising our children to be well-rounded and polite. No social media, no constant competing and uploading photos every second of the day. No silly coined phrases.

I'm a mum of all boys (men, now!) and I've never thought about it.

They're just people with surprisingly different characters.

The only thing I have done is really explain periods and other things that men often don't understand the importance of. I also point out out when my friend's partners aren't doing housework etc 50/50 but I'm sure I'd point that out to daughters, if I had any.

I am one of 5 siblings. Between us we have
3 boys
3 girls
2 boys
1 boy 1 girl
3 boys 1 girl

The only issue that has arisen over the years (oldest is 27) is the Mum of the 3 boy family being a bit snarky to the Mum of the 3 girl family. She made no secret of being sad not to have a girl (of course her 3 sons are dearly loved) and it manifested itself in an ugly way.
The ones with each have never blathered on about how blessed they are to have each, they are all individuals.
I suppose the 3 boy and the 2 boy families have had some laughs over shared experiences.

The word misogyny is thrown about way too much

Ive noticed this more since that half great/half absolute shite Adolescence series.

Not surprising some people want to push back a bit after that.

Ive also noticed head tilty comments about only having boys seem more common. So again can see why people want to offset that.

Of course they are. I'm not saying that children from each gender should reach milestones at the same time or learn in the same way. But I have experienced parents whose boys are behind who just shrug and accept this because of the child's gender.

The difference in the average age each gender is potty trained is just a few months. The difference in early language acquisition is thought to be in part due to the difference in how parents communicate with each gender.

Exactly

Yup I agree with this - as a mum to three boys. My sister has a one year old the same age as my youngest DS and was commenting how it's funny he like tractors and she doesn't, as if it's innate. I asked her how many tractors she got for her first birthday (none, my son got three), or how many pieces of clothes DN has with tractors on (none). The stereotypes start so much younger than people think!

That's interesting. I just kept the bedtime stories going. I think the oldest was 14 when I stopped!

I never tolerated any fighting whatsoever, but I've seen plenty of families who allow it. It made me feel tense.

Bedtime stories to a 14 year old? Really?

I had this. I have a daughter (8) and I got this ooohhh she´ll be really difficult when she grows up and boys are so much straightforward and easygoing yadda yadda yadda (edited to add this woman said that boys were much more honest and girls were liars!). So I did point out that my mum had tons of trouble with my brother, who was very secretive and had a very complicated teen phase, I on the other hand was the dependable one, and my mum always said I just got on with things. So you never know, people are people with their own personalities, not walking stereotypes.

Why not?

Being as old as I am, I'm out of all this nonsense and didn't really have any idea this was even a thing here (UK). But it does remind me of Arabic countries where, once a woman has had a son, she effectively loses her own name and is known from then on as 'Adbul's mother' (or whatever name her eldest son has).

Surely this isn't what women in 21st century Britain want?

Never heard the term 'boy mum' or come across people acting like this. I have boys and would have liked more, not girls, but that's because I was a tomboy with a brother, so don't feel I know much about girls.

It's weird to refer to your DC's sex in any way as a defining factor in their personality or activities. I haven't heard anyone IRL use "boy mum" specifically but I've heard lots of jokes about wee on the floor, mud etc. My DD is 5 and already gets "she's such a boy" type comments about normal child behaviour like running/jumping/being active/climbing trees. I always tell both DC that there's no "girl box" and "boy box" of activities/colours etc. It seems to be something they can visualise and understand. DS is 14 and says he still remembers seeing them as actual boxes. I told DD we just want to tip out the boxes and just choose whatever WE like whether we are a boy or girl and whether that's pink, blue, yellow, green, mud, football, sparkles, flowers, climbing trees etc etc.

Having a bedtime chat is one thing but a bedtime story? Most 14 year olds that I know would hate this. At that age they feel like they're growing up.

Why not if they like it and benefit from it? I doubt they are reading Each, Peach, Pear, Plum.
My 14 year old still likes to share a book with me although we don’t do it at bedtime. He is dyslexic and when sharing the reading with me he is able tackle more complex books that would otherwise be a struggle for him. It has boosted his confidence in reading/speaking aloud massively.

I have sons. Don’t really buy into the boy mum stuff but I’ve had others with sons wink and say ‘boy mum’ when mine are being ferrel and took it as light hearted and funny.

I do think it’s different, The way they are physically on the go, constantly climbing all over you when they’re young etc. Obviously a generalisation. When I see a post of girl mum gliding with full hair & make up wearing white vs boy mum in muddy trainers or whatever I do feel my parenting journey is represented and laugh to myself!

I have 3 girls

we get comments about did we want to keep trying for a boy, about having our work cut out, just wait until they’re teenagers, you’ll need a second bathroom etc etc…

i think people just say cliched BS to make conversation if I’m honest.

I think there's a big difference to share a book to bring on reading skills and reading a bedtime story to a 14 year old

I think that’s an interesting comparison, particularly the idea of a woman’s identity becoming so closely tied to having a son. What bothers me about the modern ‘boy mum’ phenomenon is that some women seem to actively embrace the idea that having sons gives them a particular status or makes them somehow special. It seems bizarre to me that we’re still reinforcing these gender hierarchies in 2026, particularly when so much progress has been made in challenging them.

It’s a horrible American phrase. It’s bollocks. I am a lone female parent to a male child and we do things he is interested in. He does Scouts, archery, shooting, swimming, taekwondo. He is his own person so I provide opportunities for him to develop his own character.

But isn't that what many girl mum's want, someone they can do hair, pretty clothes, shopping, which also perpetuates misogyny.