To think all this ‘boy mum’ crap is just misogyny?

[MyNavyDreamer]

I find this whole ‘boy mum’ culture incredibly irritating, particularly the women who make having sons their entire personality. It’s the way some of them talk about raising boys as though it’s somehow more special than raising girls, perpetuate stereotypes about boys being easier or less dramatic, and even make bizarre comments about being their son’s first love. I also find it interesting how some of the same women who complain about men’s behaviour seem perfectly happy to reinforce the very attitudes that contribute to misogyny. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of having sons but why does it need to become an entire identity?

AIBU? To think there’s a lot of internalised misogyny wrapped up in this whole ‘boy mum’ phenomenon?

A failure to march in time could well stem from being brought up to think you're super-important and don't need to pay attention to people around you, rather than a lack of motor skills per se. The boys just aren't that interested in coordinating with others or doing what's expected of them. It may be a social issue rather than a physical one.

💯

I’m a “boy mum” although I’ve never used that term. Our sons are 29 & 31, and we, also have a 2yo DGS. We never put them on a pedestal, I don’t know any boy that was, and if they behaved badly it was soon stopped.

When I gave birth to DS2 the amount of “oh, never minds” I got was disgusting. Hardly anyone said congratulations, they all made out it was a disappointment that he wasn’t a girl. I remember a close friend finding out she was pregnant with her second son, phoning me because she’d had the same reaction but she just wanted someone to say “congratulations! How wonderful.” Now DDIL is pregnant for the second time and most people are saying “oooh you must be hoping for a girl?” She’s actually not, she just wants a healthy baby.

Hardly a week goes by where we don’t see a thread on here where someone is so disappointed that they’re having a boy. They’re bereft that they’re going to be missing out on dressing their baby in frilly dresses, taking them to ballet and being their “bestie for life”. That’s gender stereotyping to the max.

Oh yes the girl dad thing is creepy as hell.

I met one bloke who said being a girl dad is totally different because you feel so protective over them. His baby was a newborn and he already had older boys.

Genuinely I have only seen smugness from MOTHERS of GIRLS. I havent seen it from dad'. But many mums who have girls seem to blame mothers of boys for the bad behaviour of men. My kids are being raised exactly the same way yours are im sure. Consent, kindness, generosity. Just because theyre boys does not mean im a bad parent or they are bad kids but some people seem to think all parents of boys just think "boys wil be boys" and allow violence or bad behavior. Not true. Just like not all parents of girls allow their daughters to act badly (bc not alll girls are angels)

i agree OP. They remind of those weird cat people who are proud about how much wildlife their cat kills. ‘Oooh, but it’s just in their nature”. Fuck off.

I agree

I have 5 boys and I've never referred to myself as a boy mum, I'm just a mum! I don't know anyone in real life who calls themselves a boy mum 🙄

I do find it tiresome when people assume I must have been 'trying for a girl' because I have 5 boys. I'm very happy with my houseful of boys but I'm sure I'd have been just as happy with girls. I certainly don't think we excused bad behaviour because 'boys will be boys' and they're all lovely grown men now. If anything, I think I felt more internal pressure to raise men who are respectful of women and see them as equals.

The point is there are innate developmental differences between boys and girls. It was a reply to a pp who was disputing this and putting everything down to stereotyping in the early years.

My ex MIL is the stereotypical boy mum. Obsessed with her son and her poor parenting resulted in him being a rubbish dad and partner. I know lots of normal boy mums though who are lovely, as are their sons! I am a girl mum.

it possibly is a response to this, but I don think SOME people think being a "BOY MOM" is somehow markedly different from just being a Mom.

the whole "being a boy Mom means a love like no other!" , "raising boys is the most amazing tho g anyone could do" mantra is just annoying. and the "I'm his first love, no woman will ever be good enough for MY boy" stuff is ick. and I'm a Mom of 3 boys!!

but there's plenty of "girl Mom" stuff out there too, plenty of crap about how you lose a son when he married, oh you can have a best friend and do everything together when you have a girl etc.

people just like to feel like they won.

@TheFairyCaravan My dds are ages with your sons, and i can't remember there being any of this "boy mum" thing when mine were young although I did have the dissapointed head tilts from people when I had my second girl as if it was a failing 😕 .

Because the whole of the UK tells us we should be really sad to have boys and this is the pushback.

When I was pregnant and told people I was having a boy, all I got was apologies, commiserations etc etc. People were genuinely sad, including friends, colleagues and mostly family.

Then I walk into a clothing shop and 75%of the clothes are for girls. I tried to buy a scarf for my son yesterday and there was ONE for boys (black) and SIX different ones in the girls' section.

And women who have girls just go on about how happy they are to have girls.

The world is basically fucked up and this is just another side of it.

The differences are obvious at a population level. Obviously individuals will vary, but you see it when you look at groups.

This sounds rather extreme so I’ve not seen it in real life.
I’m probably going against the grain when I say I do think there are some fairly consistent differences to parenting girls and boys but that’s not all. Teenage years in particular, the things they want support with are different. The differences can be nuanced but are there ime. But the people you’re talking about seem to be the ones who think their boys are unable to do anything for themselves and mums martyr themselves to serving them. Totally weird and not setting them up for life as an equal partner.

I have 2 little boys so could be called a boy mum but I just think I am a mum with 2 kids who are boys. I’ve never ever seen anyone with boys act the way you say and suspect this thread is just to stir up shit or you spend a lot of time on social media.

The only comments I’ve ever received about having boys is from parents without boys who pity me for not having a girl, asking when ill try for a girl, or assume I won’t be close with my kids because they were born with penises rather than vaginas. It’s very weird.

why are you a girl Mom rather than a Mom of girls? why is their sex the primary focus rather than your relationship to them?

Ive never heard of this but im old and stay away from social media bollocks, apart from mn

I’m not dismissing that socialisation has a strong impact, just pointing out to pp that it’s not all nurture. Nature has an impact too (which she denied).

I think it works both ways TBH - anyone making their child's gender their whole personality is a worry. And anecdotely I see much more of that with 'girl mums' than I do boys, that said I don't have any other social media so not much to compare it with.

Agreed. It’s weird and annoying

conversely my eldest son could fall over fresh air. I'm year 2 maybe me and his TA commented that he'd not had a head bump all half term, but we whispered it cos we didn't wanna jinx it! meanwhile my niece is super sporty, does gymnastics and dance so her balance and gorse motor skills are more higher.

You’re very much stretching now 😁

I had 3 sons and then a daughter and people have been completely inappropriate about all of them.
I was pregnant between my last son and daughter and lost the pregnancy around 13 weeks, due to it being ectopic. I was completely heartbroken. I’d found out I was pregnant very early and had weeks of excitement for my very wanted and loved pregnancy. The most dreadful shit was said to me, from well maybe it wasn’t “your girl” as though had my pregnancy ending was ideal because I was in with another chance of changing the outcome of its sex.
Another person kept saying it was my girl and I couldn’t carry girls and was “just” a boy mum.
When a few years passed and we tried again we did have a girl but people were so rude saying the wished for us a girl and how we needed a girl to complete our family.
In the end I would snap and say as long as the baby lives this time, my family would be very fucking complete.

For the first 3 pregnancies with my sons we had to deal with family members having “gender disappointment” (I know it’s sex not gender before someone corrects me, but sex disappointment sounds like a completely different topic!) and what’s totally insane about that is those family members haven’t even bothered with my daughter and she’ll be starting school soon.

My sons are the sweetest, kindest, funniest and loving, gentle people. My daughter is strong, fierce and terrifies me and leaves me in awe in equal measure. Their sex is the least important or interesting thing about any of them.

I have both but mothers of boys get so so much shit from people. Endless shitty comments about not having a girl.

We used to have equal boy/girl ratio and then we finished off with boy twins. A lot of random strangers, friends, family etc incredibly sad that our daughter doesn't have a sister 🤨 she's got used to people saying to her now. People in the UK are very very weird about seeing girls as having more value, it's incredibly disturbing.