To think all this ‘boy mum’ crap is just misogyny?

[MyNavyDreamer]

I find this whole ‘boy mum’ culture incredibly irritating, particularly the women who make having sons their entire personality. It’s the way some of them talk about raising boys as though it’s somehow more special than raising girls, perpetuate stereotypes about boys being easier or less dramatic, and even make bizarre comments about being their son’s first love. I also find it interesting how some of the same women who complain about men’s behaviour seem perfectly happy to reinforce the very attitudes that contribute to misogyny. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of having sons but why does it need to become an entire identity?

AIBU? To think there’s a lot of internalised misogyny wrapped up in this whole ‘boy mum’ phenomenon?

My first is a boy. When I was pregnant with my second, so many people informed
me - bizarrely - that I must want a girl this time. DS1 was born exceptionally prematurely and survived against the odds. Some of the people commenting actually knew this. All I wanted was a baby who would stay in situ for long enough to come out healthy. He’s a boy. And both of my boys are bloody brilliant and no I don’t think of myself as a “boy mum”. I’m just a mum.

This. This has been my experience in real life too - amongst friends and baby groups.

I think historically it was important to have sons, to carry on the family name, take over the family business and provide for the parents in their old age. Most of that is irrelevant nowadays but there is still a remnant of that feeling that having a son is important.

And perhaps mums of only boys or only girls double down on how happy they are about their boys or girls so they are not perceived as missing out on not having the other sex.

Sounds like a load of bollocks to me. I've got four offspring. Regardless of sex, they're all individual humans.

I've got multiple boys and I've literally had one person who hasn't acted like it wasn't a bit of a negative when I told them. One. If people want to celebrate their boys loudly then good on them.

Well I suppose this thread is a bit different to the ‘I’m so sad I’m having a boy not a girl’ threads! I think men and boys are put down so much in society these days anything positive about boys gets backlash.

Given how many posters come on here expressing “gender disappointment” because they found out they’re having a boy and not a girl, I don’t think women embracing being the mothers of boys is a bad thing.

I’ve seen a lot of ‘boy mom’ stuff on FB - all American. Footage of them jumping on sofas, rolling in mud, play fighting, generally making messy chaos - as if plenty of girls don’t do much the same.

Though having said that, my one Gds has always been a lot more like a human hurricane than either Gdd. But my dd1 (their mother) was never a remotely ‘girly’ girl, and if she’d been born a few decades earlier I dare say some earnestly right-on types would have been trying to tell her she’d been born in the wrong body.

I think if someone has a girl who gets involved in lots of drama with friends they tend to want to reassure themselves that "all girls are like that." Whereas mine hung out with a nice bunch of girls at school and got on fine with them and my sister who has both sexes has found the same. So we don't do the "Girls are bitchy drama queens/boys are easy and love their mums" thing.

Spot on! After I had my son, a friend of mine who has two daughters, said ‘oh…will you try again?’.
It baffles me to read in this thread that many people genuinely think that those of us who are happy to have a boy are either subconsciously misogynistic or try to compensate for desperately wanting a girl. Like it’s something abnormal to be happy about having a son 🤯

The problem is, the subconscious gendering comes from outside our homes.
My daughter was told (by boys) at age 4 kindergarten she cant like pirates or dinosaurs because they are for boys. At a kids party DD won a car in pass the parcel and the mum quickly swapped it for a fairy wand. When they went to the library the person there handed fairy colouring in pages to my girls and space to my boys. Etc.

And!!!
What point are trying to make with this?

I’ve seen “boy Mom” and “girl Mom” and the one I find a bit weird is “girl Dad”. In fact the only one I don’t see is “boy Dad”.

I think it’s mostly a social media thing, in real life I’ve never known anyone identify themselves by their child’s sex. I don’t think it’s misogynist I think it’s just casting around for hooks on social media or sadly protesting too much because they really wanted the opposite of what they have.

My daughters best friend is a boy, he could climb before he could walk, and there is nothing he cannot climb, she falls over her feet.

I completely disagree when posters say girls are the preferred sex. I think boys are the preferred sex in England anyway. People don’t like to admit it. But with rising violence against women and girls, it’s terrifying having a daughter.

I think it used to be preferred to have a daughter, a daughter is a daughter all her life but a son is a son until he gets a wife. But I don’t think it’s the case any more. Everyone I’ve ever spoken to with just daughters gets ‘don’t you wish you had a boy’ and comments about what a horrible time they’ll have when a teen, will be such a bitch….

I have experienced some of what OP is describing.

I haven’t met anyone who has actually said they’re their sons first love - but they certainly act like it. They have a special bond.

It’s a certain smugness if you only have boys. They’re very much boys are different, special, boys will be boys, we expect too much of them - he’s not violent/ disrespectful etc… he’s just a lad….. 🙄 raising a gentlemen is very much not in fashion!

#girldad is far worse

I have both so no skin in the game.

Both late teens now and for sure the stereotypes were true for me - boy more demanding when he was younger with all the energy. Girl a stroppy nightmare as a teenager.

I've seen some horribly weird shit in the name of 'boy Mummy'.

Weird as fuck. 😖

There are physical differences by age 7, yes. But kids are also strongly socialised to have different interests, regardless of what they are actually interested in.
ETA: this is particularly the case for boys who have interests that are seen as girly. My friends son was into dance and boy did he get bullied :(

But from the earliest age girls are encouraged to feel fear at exploring and climbing and boys are expected to be bold

you need to watch how parents interact with different children because we all do it / some worse that others

has it been proven that girls develop fine motor skills innately ? Because they are certainly encouraged towards crafts more than boys

Girls are also dressed in restrictive clothing that prevents them from exploring or climbing.

This ^
When I was pregnant with my third everyone assumed I had “tried again for a girl” actually had it said to my face multiple times…
I usually retorted that baby number 3 was a total surprise actually so I wasn’t trying for anything, and I was quite happy to be a boy Mum.
Good job really because the third was also a boy, I love all of them and tbh I’m glad I don’t have girls now I have young teens after listening to my friends woes and worries about their daughters.
Being a boy Mum isn’t my identity, trying to be the best Mum I can be is.
Ive had so many pitying comments especially when they were all younger “Gosh aren’t you brave, I don’t know what I would have done if I had all boys”.

I have only come across one mum like this. Who was glad her. Second child was also a son, because she couldn't be doing with "All that girly crap" I don't even know what that means, I deleted her off my social media.

I think the ‘boy mum’ stereotype literally only exists online, and is yet another way to hate women. It’s another ‘Karen’ trope, designed to make women shut up.

Also agree that the preference for baby girls is by far the more toxic trait.

A failure to march in time could well stem from being brought up to think you're super-important and don't need to pay attention to people around you, rather than a lack of motor skills per se. The boys just aren't that interested in coordinating with others or doing what's expected of them. It may be a social issue rather than a physical one.

I meant to put just in quotes. Can’t edit it now.