Partner works 7 on / 7 off but does absolutely nothing on his weeks off

[KindRubyReader]

Hello mums, I’m just looking for some opinions on whether this is “ normal “ and what other people’s opinions are.

My partner works long shifts 7 days on, 2pm-12pm. He then has 7 days off. We have a 2 year old. He has never taken her anywhere on his own, as in like planned a day out together taken her to soft play, toddler groups, even just to the park etc. I am a SAHM, so 99% of everything falls on me which I am absolutely fine with. I just see dads out with toddlers and I think it’s sad he doesn’t do that with her? With his shift patterns, he often goes days at a time without seeing her as we’re up and out early and he’s still asleep and when he gets back she’s obviously asleep.

I just feel he doesn’t try to spend quality time with her especially on his 7 days off, he just says she’s like a different child every week. He isn’t able to do bedtime or anything as she won’t settle for him, she’s very much mummy’s girl which I am more than fine with, I love spending time with her and we do everything together, I just wish he made more of an effort on his days off. I often say like you’ve not really gone anywhere near her, and his response is well it’s a 2 way street?

There is no suggestion for any family days out or anything and even if I suggest something I end up doing it on my own anyway. When he is here, I wouldn’t say he’s massively involved, he’ll have a bit of a rough and tumble with her here and there, but he just sits on his phone or PlayStation most of the time with nothing else really going on.

I have brought this up to him, and he just says well she knows I love her and that he’s just laid back about it and doesn’t see why it’s a big deal. I don’t know if I’m being unfair or comparing him to others?

Hand her over and say you’re going out for 2 hours to meet a friend . Time he steps up and parents her

Another man who wanted a wife and kids but not to be a husband and father.

Lazy bastard.
He should be doing 50% of the childcare and housework on his weeks off.

No it isn’t normal and you know it deep down, that’s why you’re here asking for advice. He should be doing 50% of the childcare and chores when he can. It sounds like he wanted a wife and a child but doesn’t actually want to be a dad or a partner. You need to stop enabling this and stand up for yourself.

I wouldn’t have it as an option - just leave them to it or send them out on their own. He has to get used to it as you have. And make sure to go out in the evening now and again too as there’s no reason he can’t learn.

(Though my husband would rather do almost anything than a toddler group or soft play so maybe find something else to set up for them)

Surely you've spoken to him about this? That's appalling.

I would talk to him because in the end the day I wouldn't want to stay in this relationship. Of course he needs to step up.

Appalling. Properly shocking. Do you not know that he’s a complete piece of shit?

So he works 7 on and 7 off

and you work 24hr on and (checks notes) 0 off?

Seems fair.... 🫣

Yes I have had conversations about it all, but he doesn’t really see the “issue”. He says he’s laid back and that she doesn’t really bother much with him either.

I don’t expect him to do extravagant days out, just something to spend decent quality time with her. I’m at a bit of a loss with it all. I don’t really want to just get up and leave them to it, I want him to be proactive and make the effort with her.

Partner, not husband? And you're a SAHM? And he's an uninterested father?

I'd carefully consider my position if I were you

Yes, OP said she’s spoken to him and his response was to suggest his toddler wasn’t putting in enough effort to build a relationship, so why should he… a true prince amongst men.

Do you still have sex with him?

I can't think of anything less attractive than an adult man playing playstation and ignoring his child, partner and responsibilities. Honestly, it makes me taste sick in my mouth.

I'd consider throwing him back OP. He's not a good catch!

Of course he doesn’t see an ‘issue’. He’s doing fuck all apart from whatever HE wants on his days off. He sounds like a shit and lazy father and partner.

No we haven’t been intimate in a long time. Like you said, I feel there’s a lot of resentment and the way he acts isn’t necessarily attractive to me.

anytime we have a conversation, it stems back to work and why I should be grateful he works and I don’t, and it’s my job to do everything else. It was a mutual decision for me to be a sahm, but I often feel he thinks I owe him something.

It's a two way street?

He needs to give his head a fucking wobble. She's 2 years old ffs and likely has already realised that daddy can't be bothered - that's bloody awful OP.

I'd say he's a shit parent but that would mean actually trying to be a parent in the first place. Yanbu.

time for nursery and pt job for you
bin him off soon

I'd seriously reconsider your work status at the moment. How long are you planning to be out of work for? I don't see this ending positively...

It's not down to your child to form a bond with her father. It's 100% down to him to form one with her. When he says that she doesn't bother with him is just an excuse. He doesn't seem bothered about having a child and I'd seriously be considering whether this relationship should continue. The fact he doesn't do anything around the house is kind of irrelevant compared to the other problem imo.

OMG! Everything about this is awful, but this bit in particular:
'He says he’s laid back and that she doesn’t really bother much with him either'

He's really expecting a 2 year old to drive the relationship forward?

Also, 'laid back' means 'you do everything and I'll just turn up, if I can be arsed.'

I'm sorry OP, you and your little one deserve better x

Start looking for a job because you'll need one.

He's not reliable - you can't depend on him to do anything he doesn't feel like. So I'm buggered if I'd want to be financially dependent on him and his whims.

You know he's a shit Dad and a shit partner. Start planning your way out.

Fair enough I’d he’s not into organised groups - but he could take her to the park, feed the ducks etc it’s basic parenting that he is not doing

Did you manage not to laugh out loud when he suggested your DD - a 2 year old - hadn't made enough effort with him? I mean, that is truly a ridiculous thing to say.
He sounds shit

It’s not a fecking two way street- she’s a toddler!

He has to make the effort to spend quality time with her (and quantities of it tbh) to develop a relationship with her.

I would get my ducks in a row by finding a job and childcare for your DD and then tell him you want to end the relationship. Whose house is it?