IL message re: new house

[Shamalamadungbeetle]

How would you feel if you’d just bought your first house with your husband and the Congratulations you bought a house card that you received from his parents said on the front “His house, her rules.”

AIBU: No problem with the card
AINBU: Twats

His house, her hoover! His salary, her shopping! His decisions, her nagging.
ha ha hilarious.

I do t get it though. Can you explain why it’s funny? Did you laugh?

I'm not seeing it as against in-laws as such. I wouldn't be impressed by this card whoever gave it. I am questioning why misogyny is not seen the same as racism, I am questioning why such a card exists in this day and age

It suggests women shouldn't have their own money.

Mad considering I'm in a friendship group of female higher earners.

It’s more that it’s normalising a marriage as ‘ball and chain’ situation/domestic hierarchy situation where the husband has the earning power and owns the house, while the Little Woman Indoors has her bossy little notions about shoes off/no elbows on table etc.

It’s real throwback stuff.

I’m sure it was their attempt at a joke, but I really don’t find it funny. Probably in part due to past remarks and behaviours.
I didn’t make a big deal of it though, just reacted exactly as I said in my OP

Id just think it's a very bad and dated joke.
Not that they literally think it's his house

Are they very traditional when it comes to household chores?

I'd think they were trying to be nice, actually, and make it clear that he should respect you and try to make you happy!
The happy wife, happy life thing. OK, happy spouse, happy house is fairer. But I would not let yourself get upset by a card. IT's not a great joke, but not worth being offended by. Presumably you like living with him, and they made and brought him up, so they can't be that bad. Hopefully.

I wonder if this is how bad relationships start with in laws. It’s just a card, just a joke. As I’ve got older and more confident and comfortable with who I am and my position things like this don’t bother me. I know who I am, I know my worth and so does my husband. It’ll be in the bin in a few days? Just don’t think about it.

Where do you get respect from when the card states it is his house?

OP says it is not their first shitty comment to be made

This card would make its way to the bin and I’d work very hard to not say anything or give it any emotional or mental space.

Sounds like that was all the reaction it needed!

I would now just ignore and put it behind you.

It is a very lame joke but if that’s their attitude you probably can’t change it.

But dissecting every joke/comment won’t help. It’s a card, obviously bought by 100’s of people. It’s not in the ‘piss your daughter in law off’ section.

It means nothing.

On our first anniversary the card his parents sent said 'One year down, fucking forever to go' you just have to laugh and move on. Some people appreciate vaguely humourous cards.

So they can carry on making shitty comments? Why should the OP have to put up with that?

Because I don’t think that’s a particularly shitty comment. It’s a joke in a card.

If you kick off about every single thing your ‘kick offs’ mean nothing.

Unless she’s gone on Moonpig and made the card herself, 1000’s of recipients will of laughed and put it on their mantle piece without evoking world war 17.

edited to say *they’ve gone on moon pig. Although it’s inevitable the next posts will be about going no contact with the mother in law because of their ‘shitty comments and behaviour’.

I just wonder why we should accept misogyny. If it was a racist card would that be okay?

Christ almighty- you’re comparing that to racism??!! Your on your own kids 😂

So misogyny is not as bad as racism?

We shouldn't accept it. 'Her rules' is the old tired trope that wives are controlling and nagging, and taking advantage of their poor husbands. Very boring and lazy 'humour'. Lots of 'pick me' and 'cool girls' on this thread who are OK with this unfortunately.

I got exactly the same from my MIL. Both I and DH corrected her countless times. When she finally got it through her thick skull that I earn a lot more than her son, all of a sudden now I am a hard-nosed 'career girl' who puts her career over her poor husband who could really do with a wife who supports him.
This outdated misogyny just fuels the narrative that women are 'less than'. It's very tiresome at best, and dangerous at worst.

And yet many on here think it's funny and I assume most of them that do are female.

Because that's how you get validation and approval from men.