IL message re: new house

[Shamalamadungbeetle]

How would you feel if you’d just bought your first house with your husband and the Congratulations you bought a house card that you received from his parents said on the front “His house, her rules.”

AIBU: No problem with the card
AINBU: Twats

I hope you ringfenced what your parents gave you.

Twats. Bin it.

I’d say ‘I don’t understand. Please explain it to me.’

This would irritate me.
Similar comments & jokes were completely halted when my DP had a quiet word with MIL to let her know it’s 50:50 in this relationship. We earned about the same back then too.

How old are your ILs?

I’m 60 and my DC are 32 and 29 and both had houses for at least 5 years, first houses entirely their own and second with their spouses. This card makes me see red mist.

I think my 90 year old mother wouldn’t be impressed either. She still recalls the tale of enlightening her childhood friend about mortgages and home ownership and how yes Mavis, you can be a joint owner of your house despite what your husband is telling you.

I cannot imagine how old you have to be to find this funny.

How are you protecting the deposit given by your parents?
Re the card, I’m pretty annoying on your behalf tbh.

On a positive spin least they got you a card. I wouldn’t read in to it just make a joke about it.

They still print cards like that??? Wtf

Can’t imagine getting worked up about this, it was clearly just a jokey card,

Sounds like you got the message across to them by leaving the card in the envelope (& then presumably the bin!). Personally I wouldn’t mention it to them, not worth the conversation, but I would absolutely hate it. I’ve actually never seen a card even remotely like that though! Maybe they bought it 30 years ago when it may have been considered funny!

It's not funny at all, it's actually a sexist card assuming that a house is more "his" house than "her" house financially. A strange assumption in today's world where both partners are likely to contribute financially as well as practically to keeping the house going.

But - I wouldn't assume malice. Not a hill I would die on though I would think "stupid old twats" to myself re the ILs.

If they’d hand written that, then I’d be more annoyed. But this is a card designed and manufactured and presumably sells a reasonable number. They probably just thought it was mildly amusing. Maybe the other cards on sale were all boring. Maybe there were only two to choose from. Maybe they were in a rush. You’re reading far too much into it.

Who on earth is making cards like that in 2026? So fucking stupid and regressive.

This was the right comment. Only twats would send a card like that.

I'm guessing they that can't be THAT old. You were still a twat if you said something like this in the 1980s/early 90s, FYI.

Well I'd be pretty amused as it's my house and my rules 😛.

because people ‘like that’ buy them

It would depend on the backstory. Either way, it's not a funny card. But backstory can change it from "boomer humour" that gets an eye roll, to "snide dig because they don't like the DIL" which gets it put in the bin.

Edit: I focused on the "her rules" part and missed the implications of "his house". Makes it much more likely to be dickhead in-laws, but still a slight chance it's just outdated humour.

I'm now wondering where they'd even find a card like that?! Where sells cards this misogynistic (so I can never go there)?

My now late mil always referred to our house as his house, I paid for half of it outright! You can’t change some people. She couldn’t get her head around the fact I contribute economically because she hadn’t worked since marriage (and thought her sons should support their families, and wasn’t happy her daughters worked) old fashioned yes!

Because people who vote Reform have to buy housewarming cards ?

The "his house" is worse than the "her rules". OP put in more money but even if she hadn't, they're a married couple, they both bought the house. It isn't "his".

This is probably annoying me too much as I had the same attitude from my PIL. I put down the deposit (from selling a flat i already owned) and we were both on the deeds and mortgage, and a married couple. But they would talk about "H's house" and imply I was lucky I got to live there. One day MIL was doing this "aren't you a lucky girl" shtick and H said matter of factly "she earns more than me actually". Did it shut her up? Nope, the record changed to blaming me for "holding him back in his career". <boggles>

Exactly. No clue.

Yes, this. With a deadpan face.

Not funny at all, not even a little bit. Keep a close eye on them if or when you ever have kids and make it clear that you will not tolerate that sexist rubbish.

Just ill thought through what everyone has glossed over it’s as insulting to DH as it is to you if your going to take offence
roll your eyes and move on