IL message re: new house

[Shamalamadungbeetle]

How would you feel if you’d just bought your first house with your husband and the Congratulations you bought a house card that you received from his parents said on the front “His house, her rules.”

AIBU: No problem with the card
AINBU: Twats

eyeroll, bin card.

So explain why it is funny. What does the inference of 'his' house mean? Would the 'joke' work the other way round so it being her house?

Flipping the pronouns in the card helps to unveil what is actually going on with the card. How does 'Her House, His Rules' sound? A little jarring I think. If you don't like this, why does the other way round only get an eye roll?

Bet there isn't any such card, as the actual card is based on old fashioned misogyny/patriarchy. And actually a card that states 'her house, his rules' could be read in quite menacing tones ie man moving into woman's house and controlling

So neither card should exist. as neither card is funny

I would be annoyed but mostly because he lives in MY house. Bought and fully paid off with my personal money and owned completely outright by me. I let him live here free of charge but its entirely my investment and nest egg as he dragged his feet for years didn't save anything and didn't want to get a mortgage.

If it was his house and I had moved in with him then I wouldn't care, I don't believe in claiming something thats not yours so it just silly and involving.

If we bought the house together with a mortgage that we both paid on etc... I would find it mildly irritating that its both our house (well the banks really) but assume it was a lazy attempt at humor.

in the last few days many of us have been on a thread describing exactly
this scenario (with 16yo daughter) absolutely not funny, thank you

Tell them about the deposit. Idiots.

I grew up then and do not think that carf is in the slightest but funny.

No.

Ageist claptrap.

See my post above - and I am in my v late 60s

And it was my Mum’s generation who invented the Women’s Liberation Movement.

I think there are probably strong generational differences here in responses. Such sentiments were once considered funny, then it was recognised they truly were not, but, in a 'post-feminism' era, these sentiments are viewed through the lens of hipster sexism, in which it is assumed that sexist comments have lost their bite and are just a joke. It's okay to laugh. Lighten up.

But I don't think anyone who has actually lived the struggle would ever adopt that view.

I think your response was about perfect. A short correction, back in the envelope and "forgotten" on the side.

I had to do the same with a Christmas card from my BIL last year. Why he doesn't just add his name to the one my sister sends is beyond me, but by the by.
He fancies himself as a bit of an artist (he isn't), and likes to add some of his drawings into his cards. Last year he draw a picture of his own face on the body of a topless can-can dancer... There is a lot of backstory of inappropriate vaguely sexual innuendoes, that I won't get into. But I just opened the card when he gave it to me, gave a quiet "huh?" and bemused shrug, and put it back in the envelope.
I find meeting provocation with a very mild response is the best way to handle it. They almost want a big blow-up, so I prefer dropping my end of the rope, so to speak.

That's so funny- I read it going what's the problem, my rules lol. Completely disregarded the his house but. I don't know is that because my brain dismissed the idea that his house meant exclusively his or that I was so focused on the second half giving her the power. Anyway I'm off to ponder is it a misunderstanding on my part or internalized misogyny

My IL's always treated DH as the breadwinner and though I just work for a little pin money. Any bigger purchase was commented on that ooh DH has bought and DH has done and isn'ttit gread.
I earn significanly more than DH.
Yeah I would not have been amused either.

I don't know why it's considered nice.

My husband's aunt is always sending crap like this. It doesn't make her nice, it makes her someone who loves her nephew, but somehow thinks he's a cretin who's married a controlling woman.

All our other relatives manage to send us cards that don't cast me as a controlling bitch.

Sending a nice card that says nice things is nice. Sending a card that isn't nice... Isn't nice.

or do you perhaps need more coffee and less introspection

Why exactly ARE we here? The OP literally asked ‘how would you feel’ and posted in AIBU. She was garnering everyone’s opinion.otherwise, it would just be an echo chamber.

Lived what struggle exactly? Your use of ageism wrapped up in faux concern is shameful.

Unclench

If your username is any reflection of your age, you would have been born into a time when a woman wasn't able to get a mortgage in her own name unless they had their husband (or if unmarried their dad's permission). Men didn't have that problem. I am glad that we don't have to bring up our daughters to have that distinction between them and their brothers. And women did have to struggle to get this law changed, and it only changed in 1975

For those saying it is funny, don't be a snowflake etc, what if the card said house rules "no blacks, no Irish, no dogs", would that be funny? I assume no such card exists due to its blatant racism. Maybe, we need to be asking ourselves why a card like that wouldn't be allowed to be printed (quite rightly) but a misogynistic card is still allowed

Soontobe60, I am post-60 and feel that I am describing my direct experience of a world designed by men for men when I say 'struggle'. It is certainly not 'ageism wrapped in faux concern'.

I have never seen a housewarming card with this slogan. Did they get it made on something like moonpig?

I can’t imagine it being made anytime in the last thirty years.

They know we both work full time, but they don’t know my parents gave us half the money for the deposit. So actually more my house if you want to be like that about it.

If it was me, I would text and amp up the upset. Don't show your anger, show your upset:

"I'm really upset and sitting here in tears at your card. My parents have given us half the deposit for this house and you are saying it's not my house. This is really disrespectul to me and my parents and I. Why would you send such an upsetting card when you haven't even contributed to our house?'

well yeah? Both 'jokes' are old fashioned and unfunny.

'Bossy ' is generally only a term applied in a derogatory way to women.