Another mum picked up her teen after party and refused others a lift despite agreement to do so.

[Lardybumbum]

The background story is my 16 year old daughter, her 15 yo boyfriend and two of their class mates were invited to a party a few rural towns away. I agreed to give them a lift there if one of their mums agreed to run them back. One mum said she would do that and her kid confirmed again when I dropped them all off.

The town is only 15 mins away but there’s no public transport after 6pm on weekends (and at that no direct public transport between our towns having to go into a city and back out again) and being Halloween there were no taxis /ubers who were all working in the city.

Well the boys mum left my daughter, her boyfriend and one friend and only took her son home. All four were standing outside the house at 11.45pm waiting for her and she literally drove off with just him in the car saying the others couldn’t come. I get a tearful phone call from a very panicked daughter so I get out of bed and go get them. I have to take medication at night that I’m wary of driving on (although it isn’t illegal) but I’m not leaving my kid in the middle of nowhere. The other parents had all been drinking so couldn’t.

Aibu to think that was an arsehole move on behalf of the other mother to allow her kid to accept the ride and agree to the deal she would pick up them to just leave them and take her kid home? Her kid messaged my daughter today there wasn’t any mitigating reason for her leaving them she just didn’t want to.

She lives two streets away and I’m tempted to go and say something. If I’d been drinking there would have been no one to get them and they’d have been stranded (there’s no way to walk between towns either).

There’s only four reasons I can think of that might be a possibility.

1. She has had a drink herself and didn’t want to risk driving other people’s kids
2. At least one of the other kids in the left behind group was being excessively drunk/obnoxious/anti social
3. The other kids were still inside and taking their sweet time to come out/not wanting to leave the party at 11.45 so she drove off with her kid only.
4. Theres possibly been some sort of falling out or bad blood at the party with her kid and others in the group or mother has got wind that there was something like drugs (for example) being offered or taken by people in that group so she was furious.

Either way, it’s unforgivable to leave kids alone in a position like that and no matter how much I was furious with a bunch of stupid kids that were being daft and drunk, I’d 100% drive them home. I would definitely confront her about this (politely at first). Make sure you get the truth from your child first about whether they were all getting on at the end of the night and being well behaved and ready-to-go.

I think the kids were drunk, not the driver.

I'd go fucking nuclear!

Depends on her usual behaviour, if she was usually reliable I'd assume something was unexpectedly wrong and she didn't feel able to drive everyone back responsibly. Not great to do it without any communication. It's one reason I much prefer city living with teens, it's easier relying on public transport services or plentiful Ubers than begging favours from people who may or may not stick to their word.

Well unfortunately for her son I woukd never trust that woman to be in charge of my child ever again as she has proved she has no idea of safety, safeguarding or just plain common sense.

Teens have, on occasion, been known to not tell the absolute truth. I wouldn’t be surprised if they weren’t outside at 11.45, and the mother got fed up waiting and drove off. I’m not totally exonerating her - living rurally giving lifts to others is part of life, but if they were being pains I can see why she did it. If it had been me (I had 4, thankfully now adult, dc) I would have phoned another parent and said what was happening. On the other hand she might just be a total cow - you won’t know until you speak to her.

Brings back happy memories of driving round the countryside looking for farms where the latest Young Farmers’ party was being held - postcodes seeming to cover miles and miles of narrow lanes. So glad those days are gone.

Shot herself in the foot then hasnt she? Because now there will be no reciprocal arrangements and she is Mum's Taxi both ways!

But yes I would be texting her, but not in an aggressive way.

"I am confused about why you left XYZ at the party when I understood that the arrangement was that A would get a lift there with us, and you would bring the others home. Why didnt that happen?" Make her explain herself! I mean, she wont and will avoid you going forward, but at least you made the point.

I’m going to be honest OP, before you assume anything I would speak to the mum. She lives not far from you.

Obviously she is absolutely unreasonable to leave the others behind but a couple things don’t add up for me, if they were all together then they would have gone to the car together? How did the boy end up in the car and the others not know why they were left behind.

i would just check all info before accusing the mum. Like others have said, teens do make things up and perhaps they were taking their time or being pains.

I would non confrontationally message the mother and ask a simple why were you not able to give DD and friends a lift home last night?

After that, it would depend on the response I got.

But I wouldn’t depend on her for lifts again, nor would her child be getting a lift from me.

I think the poster means the kids are different stages of drunkenness!! Not the poster.

That poster was agreeing that the mum was probably drunk, though! So not sure why picking up drunk kids while being sober would be a relevant story?!

Oh I agree, the mum was definitely out of order to just leave them there without taking any action, but just thought it may be an explanation.

She is an absolute dick of a woman. Anything could have happened. Even if we haven’t pre arranged it we always drop our kids friends home. No matter what. I would never leave anyone to find their own way home while I take my child on home and leave other kids behind. If their parent was late to come get them I would wait until the parent showed up and let them wait in our car. She is a dick plain and simple.

YANBU I stopped last night and picked up 1 very drunk teen and two tipsy friends (15/16) at 1am who are in my daughters year at school (not her friends) but have known them and their parents since they were toddlers, we live in a very safe area so parents would have assumed they were fine to walk but they were very drunk so I did what was safest! It’s called being a decent human. Friends mum is in the wrong and should have definitely given you some warning if she could no longer stick to the deal.

Did the mum definitely agree to the lifts though or has her kid just said yes without actually asking.

It was absolutely a dick move either way but I would probably hear her side before you lose your shit.

My dd does a hobby that finishes at a reasonable time but public transport where we live is non existent. If parents are late I always wait with the girls til someone picks them up and have on a number of occasions have driven kids home where pare ts have got held up or older siblings have forgotten to collect.

Wtaf!!! I would have contacted her before I even left to pick up dd. This cannot go unchallenged, I would want answers

To those saying "Did the mum definitely agree" this is why I always say "Give X my number and have her/his mum ring me just to confirm arrangements" Not an issue with youngest DD, especially as the woman I usually lift share with is a friend from waaaaay back in the day, but with the older DC's it sniffed out a GREAT IDEA pretty quickly!

I would also make others aware of her being a liar in case they get snuckered by her.

That is awful OP. You could message her and ask her why she didn’t take your daughter and her friends home, especially after the agreement. Whatever happened, I couldn’t leave anyone else’s child alone at night with no way of getting home. How would she feel if something had happened to them? Would she have liked it if you had picked your daughter up and her friends and left her son? No she wouldn’t. And she would’ve no doubt have said something to you. She’s a selfish bitch who obviously cares for no one else’s child. Glad you managed to pick them
up and get them back home safely OP.

Exactly my thoughts

Absolutely this. Ask the question and see what she says.
Even if the others kids were drunk, she should have messaged their parents and said she wasn't taking them, giving them a chance to make alternative arrangements.

Rage bait story?

if they were all together then they would have gone to the car together? How did the boy end up in the car and the others not know why they were left behind.

Exactly this.

Your daughter claims to have been right there with the other woman's son @Lardybumbum - how come your daughter can't explain what happened? There must have been some exchange of words between that boy and his friends...

(By exchange of words I don't mean argument - just something spoken)

Just go and ask the question and if she doesn't have a satisfactory answer then I would let her have it.

This is why I’d never rely on others unless they are very good friends and offer. What a horrible woman; there’s no excuse for leaving kids somewhere late at night. Thank goodness for mobile phones!

I never drank alcohol when my kids were out late somewhere not local. They always knew I’d pick them up wherever and whenever (both drive now).