To ask DD to ask for extra Halloween sweets?

[TinyOcelot]

DS has unfortunately woken up today feeling ill and he's been sick a few times. I am not letting him out trick or treating in his condition, obviously. It's rotten luck and he's of course disappointed.

His older sister will be going round the neighbourhood with her friends. Do you think it would be OK for her to ask for one for her ill brother as well, to have when he's feeling better? I'm not sure if it's rude or not or people might think she was taking the piss?

Or I could ask her to share what she gets as it's always an awful lot but that doesn't seem all that fair to her.

I know I could just buy him a load of sweets but part of the fun is getting such a wide selection from all the different houses and he's already going to miss the main fun of dressing up and going round in the dark seeing all the decorations. But I will just do this for him if it's the best option?

What do you reckon?

In response to the OP expecting her son ti get sweets when staying in the house. So not even knocking on a door and trying.

He’s unwell. That sucks. But that’s also life. OP can buy him sweets.

Candy 😂😂😂

Obviously yabu. She can just share her haul with her brother. It’s far too much sugar anyway.

How weird, just buy him some!

why keep going round taking sweets that you're just putting into the bin?

I think you're still missing the point - if there's an expectation upon kids to do a turn, then many will feel unable to even knock on doors and try. And just because you aren't aware of that, doesn't mean it's not happening. As I said, a lot goes on behind closed doors and you wouldn't have a clue. You only see the visible side obviously, everybody out having fun.

He won’t be eating sweets anyway if he’s sick. Don’t put your daughter in this position

They do in mine! Where are you? England?

As a fellow Scot I generally just ask for a joke now....got the best one 2 years ago from 2 wee boys about 10....why did the teddy not eat his dinner....because he was already stuffed 😂!!

I worked in mental health for over a decade. I also worked in a special needs school before most were closer. Never once did any parent say that guising as causing distress. In fact, most kids bloody loved Halloween.

When you don’t understand a culture, stop digging yourself into a hole. The idea of doing a turn is not a barrier for children in Scotland to go out on halloween. Some kids can’t even tolerate wearing a costume… they’ll still go out on Halloween if they want to.

You’re trying to turn a 2000 year old tradition into some kind of entire country attack on SEN kids. Just grow up.

A lot of kids won’t go out no matter what, in England or Scotland. But the added turn done during guising is not somethin I’ve ever heard any of the many hundred of Sen parents I’ve worked with ever mention. This really isn’t the discriminatory disaster you’ve invented.

youre Also unreasonable, sick of girls being told they need to share, the mother is responsible here not the sister, if the mother wants him to have sweets she buys him them.

It is an expectation and always has been. However, if kids are too shy or have disabilities (like one of mine), they still get the sweets.

Tbh I'm more surprised people let their kids go trick or treating without an adult at least following behind. I've always done this until P7, and by then the kids are used to what they're supposed to do so not an issue. Some don't even want to do it at that age.

Why bring sexism into it 🙄.

If the sister was ill I’d say the brother would have to share his!

It’s all about the huge amount of sweets for one child and nothing at all to do with whether they’re a girl or a boy. What a weird take.

Ask her to share with her ill brother. If she's a bit short, you can but a few more. It's cheeky to ask for extra.

@Merrybandofpirates I think you’re making yourself look quite silly here.
Im in Scotland, when I was young yes you did something to get the sweets, but that was when you only went to houses that you know the occupants.
Now kids go to any door that look like they are up for guisers, and it is absolutely not true that up here kids don’t get sweets if they don’t do something.
Times move on, traditions change, I would never turn a child away from my door if they don’t do a turn, that’s cruel.
Yes our DC’s go out guising, not trick or treating, it’s only the name that’s different to what other posters are describing.

This sounds perfect.

I've lived in two where it was normal.

Come on , you can't think the same suggestion would not be made of the brother was trick or treating and the sister in bed ill.

As other's have mentioned buy him some extra sweets and trade a few with your daughter for variety. He can still dress up of course and there are other ways to make Halloween special for your son if he is too ill to go out and trick or treat. Rather than focus on what he is missing out on, focus on what can actually do like:

• decorating biscuits
• peeling an apple and throwing it over his shoulder and see what letter is spells out
• pumpkin carving
• buy a pizza and olives and have him make a pizza jack o lantern
• possibly bobbing for apples with warm water
• watch a scary film like Coraline or whatever is age appropriate

Exactly. My son didn't want to go trick or treating one year and his siblings shared what they got because they get loads and it's a nice thing to do.

Anyway, I'm off to make my children perform (including the one with disabilities who tries their best to remember their joke, but doesn't fall apart if they can't and still gets the treat!)

A really weird thing to even think about doing. Just buy some sweets!

In Scotland and most of the children that knock on my door say trick or treat or say nothing while looking scared.

At no point have I used the word discrimination or suggested that guising is an attack on children with SEN.

All I said was that it sounded excruciating and I stand by that. For some children it definitely would be, whether that's down to personality or SEN (which remember can be undiagnosed or unknown). I don't need to "grow up" and I'm not digging myself into a hole because I have enough empathy to recognise it sounds like guising could be challenging.

Seeings as you have so much experience with SEN yourself, it's actually quite surprising that you are being so defensive over this and are unable to consider how SEN children might feel in certain situations.

And just because parents don't tell you the minutiae of what goes on with their kids doesn't mean those things don't exist. Perhaps they don't think you'd understand or would empathise?

We live in a very Halloween big area - like people post about it as the “place to come” so it’s crawling with kids. Almost every one of them comes prepared with a joke. And these are kids being driven in from surrounding towns, so it’s not just the kids on our streets who are used to it.

I spent last Halloween with my kids visiting people in Oban so we went round with their kids and everyone was doing their turn. When I lived in Glasgow for uni, the kids in that block did their town. Spent a Halloween in the borders a few years ago, and kids all did their turn.
Because that’s what Halloween is. There will always be areas where it goes by the wayside, but on the whole, most kids keep it up. And the kids that aren’t able just have their parents or friends along with them and get their sweeties. No drama.

I think the most shocking thing I’ve read on this thread is that kids aren’t expected to do a turn! Woe betide a guiser turning up on my doorstep without doing a turn! So completely normal and still expected in these parts.