To ask DD to ask for extra Halloween sweets?

[TinyOcelot]

DS has unfortunately woken up today feeling ill and he's been sick a few times. I am not letting him out trick or treating in his condition, obviously. It's rotten luck and he's of course disappointed.

His older sister will be going round the neighbourhood with her friends. Do you think it would be OK for her to ask for one for her ill brother as well, to have when he's feeling better? I'm not sure if it's rude or not or people might think she was taking the piss?

Or I could ask her to share what she gets as it's always an awful lot but that doesn't seem all that fair to her.

I know I could just buy him a load of sweets but part of the fun is getting such a wide selection from all the different houses and he's already going to miss the main fun of dressing up and going round in the dark seeing all the decorations. But I will just do this for him if it's the best option?

What do you reckon?

In the busier areas round here like the new build estate I have encountered both attitudes, those that are like 'dig in, take a few' and those that seem to side eye everyone and act like its a prized ration.

I'm the one that always tells the teens standing at the back looking embarrassed to come get some etc... so I wouldn't mind but at the same time my road doesn't get a huge amount of trick or treaters.

At my first house I once got hounded for a whole week by a gang of kids who came everyday multiple times a day demanding sweets and being rude and it really ruined Halloween for me for a while, I stopped decorating and everything. As long as you daughter isn't repeatedly going back to the same houses again and again I think most would find it fine if she was like 'my little brother is sick, could I have a spare one for him' with a separate bag etc...

My daughter is autistic and has situational mutism. She’d practice ahead of time and mostly could do it. If not a friend would jump in. It’s not like anyone would refuse to give a child a sweet, it’s that keeping up the guiding tradition is encouraged.

one year she did a wee Halloween dance instead which was lovely - a friend sang a rhyme and she did some ballet.

Don’t worry. The reality is that some kids still do traditional guising, where they’ll tell a joke or whatever. But more and more just say trick or treat. They’ll all be given a treat unless the person behind the door is an arsehole. You get them everywhere I suppose. All kids can go out and nobody would be forcing anything. The old tradition was great fun for many kids. Others would likely blend into the group. Some still do it though and they’re very forthcoming with their little performances.

Jesus Christ, use some common sense. Do you actually think Scottish people turn away kids who are clearly doing their best, have SEN, don’t want to speak for whatever reason? Just have some bloody common sense.

Tradition is followed. Kids do their turn. But kids who can’t? Same as everywhere else, their parents will be at the door or end of the drive, give them a little cheer or encouragement, we’ll say their costume looks wonderful and give them a sweet. Just use you bloody common sense instead of trying to get a woke gotcha.

A child did this at my house last year, said her brother was sick. I didn’t think anything of it and just handed out more candy. Can’t see why it would be an issue.

No it will make it awkward for dd. I’d encourage her to share some or buy him some they were all reduced in Aldi.

I think you need a lie down

My DD is also autistic, hence why it came to mind, because I know how it would've played out. Not favourably. I bet there's all kinds of upset going on in Scotland right now!

You use some common sense. A lot of kids won't be going out in the first place if there's an expectation upon them to perform. That's my point, not that they'd be refused sweets

Ah no that’s putting her in an awful position. I have teens do just bought a selection of fun size, some haribo, lollipops and various crisps. It can be done cheaply

I have travelled extensively to over 40 countries worldwide. Travelling hasn’t included research in to the beginnings of Halloween. Nor has it included visiting much of Scotland. I have been once for a weekend, not on Halloween

Well, we’ve managed fine without thousand of children wailing because they won’t go out. No Facebook pages flooded with sad face photos because their child was discriminated against due to the expectations of guising. We manage just fine. Dont you worry. Kids of all abilities will be out doing what they can, or not at all, or with a parent doing the silly part to keep in the spirit, or a group of kids with one person doing the piece and the others just showing their costume. We know how to do Halloween in Scotland.

But if kids don’t go out, they don’t get sweets. Just like OP’s son can’t get anything if he can’t go. OP can buy her own.

So why did you post about how you’ve travelled extensively and never seen this… as if it was so odd for this to be happening yet you never saw it? You’re the one who brought up travelling extensively as if you know everything so if you’ve not seen it then it doesn’t happen and we were somehow odd for saying it.

It’s literally the origins of Halloween. If you don’t know about it, that doesn’t make it odd. Despite all your travels.

How do you know what's going on behind closed doors?

And the idea that parents with SEN children flood facebook with sad face photos is really quite offensive. Mainly we're just getting on with it quietly and nobody has a clue how hard it can be. Really quite grateful that we didn't have to navigate guising on top of everything else tbh!

Towards the end of the evening I'm usually trying to get rid of sweets so encourage kids to take a handful. Depending on how many treats your DD gets, hopefully she won't mind sharing some. But I'd also buy some extra if I were you.

It depends how people offer the sweets as well.
I have usually offered a bowl. However when I do, some dear souls just take one sweet. And say ‘thank you’.
Then you get the child who takes as many as their little hands can hold. And no thank you.
If someone like the first child had asked for one for a brother I would have no problem. Someone like the second I am afraid I would not be sure there was a brother at all !

I think there are a million things that are harder for specific children but that’s no reason to avoid them for everyone. One of my son’s friends has terrible stage fright and couldn’t do the nativity. The rest did their bits and he stood at the side and clapped. There are a million ways to be included and encourage participation without being pedantic about it. I promise my daughter would be the first one to worry about talking to strangers but she loves Halloween. I helped her when she was wee, now her friends step in if she can’t. At this point she’s been going for years and knows half the people here anyway.

No it’s rude, just buy some yourself for him

Surely she can just share her haul. They never eat it all anyway

Just buy him some sweets. In Asda today there was a bag of treat size chocolate with freddos in them and a finger of fudge. A bag of treats would be appreciated. I think it would not be the done thing to ask for more from neighbours.

How old is he? Could you and he be on FaceTime enjoying the trick or treating from home? While your daughter goes round with their dad?

Or fancy dress him as a doctor, get him a mask and gloves, and let him give out candy at the door when kids knock. (No germs then)

Absolutely rude.
Dear lord, get your Dd to share or buy some for him ffs.

I completely agree that things shouldn't be avoided, but the Scottish poster said kids have to do a turn and don't get sweets for nothing. So I've been imagining that scenario and posting on that basis.

Absolutely not. It would be far too awkward for your poor daughter. Just buy him some.
They don’t cost that much.