To share the news story with DH

[Mamma292939]

I read an awful news article on the way home. When I got back I was still feeling upset about it and told DH. He was upset with me for telling him about it! Should I have kept it to myself? I guess I do know that he doesn’t really like it when I shared stories that are a bit grim and I’ve never shared one like this before but I was so affected by it and wanted to talk about it.

I guess I’m just disappointed in him as he has lots of good qualities but he doesn’t even try to be a rock for me. If I ever share upset feelings with him it ends up making him even more upset. :(

I think it is fair enough if he is annoyed because he has asked you not to misery dump on him with things outside of your life to the degree he is expected to be a rock while you pour through the details.

Being a rock is seeing someone through a family crisis or illness, not being misery dumped on. You can avoid reading the details beyond the headlines.

You need to stop reading stories like this. If you are seeing them through social media, then you've trained your algorithms so you see these kind of stories. And if you do feel the need to read them, then don't dump them on your DH who was sensible enough not to see them in the first place.

I think you are very unfair expecting four husband to be effectively an emotional support animal while you go out of your way to find something upsetting. My partner would be my rock over every personal crisis but I would not expect him to console me while I shove photographs of abused puppies in his face. He would quite rightly tell me to stop looking at things online if I find them so destabilising.

Do you know how draining having to be a rock is? He is not your therapist

Hmm I think you can say ive read some
sad news stories and feeling really down, please distract me. Don’t actually tell him the stories! I dont put them on dh as that seems unfair. Different if it’s something that has actually happened to you.

If you do it often enough that he has had to ask you to stop, respect his feelings and stop.

If you can’t stop, get help to find out why you keep seeking out upsetting things to dwell on.

Do a reverse OP. You have asked your DH not to do something that upsets you, but he does it anyway.

Agree with PPs, if you can't take upsetting news, don't read it.

What do you mean, he doesn't try to be a rock for you? I suspect that's what this is really about.

You shouldn't read upsetting news stories and then misery dump on your partner expecting for them to be a 'rock'. How is that fair on them? What about considering how it makes them feel?

It was on the bbc, I don’t read news on social media.

Wherever it was, you saw the headline and then read the rest. Just don't!

If you need your husband to be your "rock" after watching something like the news, I suggest you don't watch it. Are you always this needy?

Thanks for asking rather than assuming as everyone else has. I should have been clearer - I meant be a rock for the important personal stuff. So if I have difficulties with my family and I want to talk about them with him, he just gets upset and frustrated on my behalf and has a moan about them and I can’t bear it. When I actually need him to be balanced and steady.

I don’t share miserable news articles with him all the time! It’s very occasional and this one I was very affected by. I guess I should have kept it to myself or made thread about it on MN or written in my diary instead.

I hope you don't ever criticise him for being grumpy when his football team gets beaten, then.

Wow! Some harsh posters with low bars here. I’d expect at least a hug and a sympathetic, ‘God, that’s awful!’ kind of response. I’d do the same if he’d heard some bad news. Not everything has to be analyzed and categorized in therapy speak. It’s not trauma dumping to want to discuss a tragic event, eg the death of the headteacher that’s been in the news today. That is horrendous in anyone’s book and it’s a natural to thing to both comment on, and feel affected/horrified by.

He isn’t a rock though he’s a human with feelings and emotions of his own

Was it that cyclist one? Such a shockingly horrendous story. I cycle commute but drive lots too and I cannot comprehend the ire for people just going about their day on a bike. It’s just totally inexplicable.

Ugh ok, it was the awful news about the cyclist, it’s at the top of the Guardian and the BBC. I read it and asked if he had seen it, and he said no what was it about, I told him and he got upset. He’s upset because he chooses to cycle a very long commute. I guess I could have warned him but he reads the same media I do so he probably would have seen it at some point and had the same exact conversation with me after a few days/weeks.

Wait so he cycles, and you told him a horrible new story about a cyclists? Maybe he needs you to be his rock in this instance?

I cycle too.

Thank you

It depends. I sometimes have an urge to tell my husband about something I read in the news, usually it's something horrific about a child or old person that upsets me to the point it plays on my mind. But although it feels like a problem shared a problem halved, in these cases it's a problem shared a problem doubled. It doesn't ease my burden to have read it and also introduces the burden of knowledge on the other person.

If its a world event he'd find out about anyway then fine, but if it's particularly upsetting it's not helpful tbh.

My point is he’s never I can rely on to comfort me, even when it’s something personal and genuinely difficult. He just has a bigger emotional reaction than mine.

Hmm maybe you’re right. Next time I could just tell him I read an upsetting story in the news that he’ll probably see himself and just leave it there.