To share the news story with DH

[Mamma292939]

I read an awful news article on the way home. When I got back I was still feeling upset about it and told DH. He was upset with me for telling him about it! Should I have kept it to myself? I guess I do know that he doesn’t really like it when I shared stories that are a bit grim and I’ve never shared one like this before but I was so affected by it and wanted to talk about it.

I guess I’m just disappointed in him as he has lots of good qualities but he doesn’t even try to be a rock for me. If I ever share upset feelings with him it ends up making him even more upset. :(

At least you can always vent on here.

What can I say, we changed a lot after we had kids and our expectations of each other changed too. I think we do know each other very well, but it’s harder to meet those expectations now. We’re working on it. 🤷‍♀️

As long as one is strong enough to withstand AIBU!

Oh, I'm not brave enough to start a thread here. Brutal!

So it was a news story that didn't effect you personally, you didn't know the person, or their family but you felt you had to tell your husband about it. I guess this is not the first time. Perhaps you need to get a grip and accept that shit actually does happen and that you don't need to tell your husband about stuff that doesn't effect you or your family and that he's fed up with your over investment with it

Sometimes I find that DH is so outraged on my behalf that I feel I have to defend the other side just to restore some balance - which is not what I wanted at all!

I agree that finding friends where you can vent with each other is so valuable and takes the pressure off for me at home.

No need to try to tear me down. Try to have a nice night and be a kinder person in the morning.

My partner does this- I call it misery farming. I absolutely hate it, it’s like he enjoys bringing my mood down. I avoid news some days for this reason, I don’t need a low-rent Clive Myrie reciting every horrific story on the BBC news homepage. YABU.

Defensive much. He's told you he's not interested in doom and gloom but you persist in telling him

No, just bored. You’re only repeating some of the other posts, but you’re being a tad hysterical about it. You don’t have to care this much. Try to do something more useful with your evening.

Yes the motorcyclist in particular and all the people who helped show the good people around

I think you're getting a hard time on here OP, and some posters are being deliberately obtuse. Surely it's a normal part of being in a relationship (not just romantic but friend or familial) to talk through things that have affected you, whether good or bad? Talking is how people process things and make sense of the world. It's literally the basis of most therapy. It would be very sad if nobody ever spoke about anything more controversial than the weather even with their nearest and dearest.

I can appreciate that he might not want you to do it all the time, but presumably you don't, and you spend most of your life talking to each other about all sorts of things, not upsetting news articles every day, as some posters are pretending.

Perhaps in the future if you have an idea that something might be upsetting introduce it by saying 'I saw a really upsetting news story today and can't get it out of my head, is it okay to talk to you about it?' If he says no, obviously don't push it, but equally I don't think it's fair for him to constantly opt out - particularly if as you're suggesting he would later come to you and want to talk about it anyway.

For an alternative, discussing things like this is one thing AI can be surprisingly useful for, and might be worth trying? You can offload as much as you want without having to worry about impacting the other 'person'. Often it doesn't matter that much what the person you are talking to actually says, it's the act of talking about it and clearing your mind and views that is helpful.

Ha yeah that sounds about right! From experience, people think you're just as weird/need therapy if you try and avoid all news stories so you can't really win!

Perfectly reasonable to expect your life partner to be able to navigate and support you in this circumstance. It's not an 'emotional dump'.

I think you set him up to fail here, and set yourself up to be annoyed. You know you don’t usually get the kind of response you wanted from him in these situations, yet you went ahead and did it anyway…. And then got annoyed that you got the response that you knew you were most likely to get. It all seems a bit ridiculous or performative- I wonder if you were tend to look for a reason to pick at him over this because it annoys you that he won’t give you the emotional support in the way you want it?

I mean, it’s fine to wish you’d get x or y response to these situations, but after a long time together you know that he doesn’t respond in x or y way, which is fine too. No-one is perfect and clearly he has other attributes which have made him a satisfactory partner. I’m sure you have some habits/behaviours/character quirks which annoy your dh too, so it’s swings and roundabouts.

you can

@Mamma292939 plenty of regular mumsnet ters discussing it here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/in_the_news/5591420-horrendous-news-story-about-man-dragged-to-his-death

I cannot comprehend this post