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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband lied about being on mounjaro

177 replies

Smartypantsloves · Today 00:32

First time poster so please be kind. Not sure if I’m over reacting so reaching out to see how others would feel in my position.

Bit of a backstory. Recently married. DH and I both wanted to lose weight before the wedding. He succeeded and lost a couple of stone within a relatively short space of time, whilst I completely failed. We had briefly talked about mounjaro, but never very seriously (or so I thought). We talked about being worried about any long term effects and both said we would prefer to go down the healthy eating/exercise route first. Fast forward to the wedding. I was happy for him that he had lost weight, a little disappointed in myself for not finding the motivation to do it myself, but ultimately I was happy in my dress and with the way that I looked on the big day.

After the wedding DH bragged that he had lost 3 stone since January and for the first time I questioned how he had managed it, with very little change in his lifestyle and zero exercise. In hindsight I realise he had been skipping meals and hadn’t had much of an appetite in the run up the the wedding. He was so busy at work so I just put it down to stress and him having a busy brain at the time. He just said he had cut down on his portion sizes and had been drinking less beer.

Anyway, to finally get to my point (thanks if you’ve made it this far)… Earlier today, I mistakenly opened a parcel addressed to him and saw the inside packaging was from an online pharmacy. I then realised my mistake so left the package unopened inside. Apologised to DH when he came home and unaware of any health issues he was having, I questioned what he had been ordering. He was slow to respond and without even opening the package, he told me that a friend at work had played a prank on him and ordered a mounjaro pen for him, basically saying he was fat after seeing the wedding photos (which he isn’t any more anyway). I immediately knew it was rubbish and it didn’t make any sense at all. I looked up the company and as I expected, saw that whoever ordered it would have had to send photos and proof of identity to get the prescription. Challenged DH and he admitted he had lied and apologised. He said he was embarrassed about trying it and he felt stupid for making up a story.

So my question is AIBU to feel really let down and concerned about him keeping this secret and then being dishonest about it? It doesn’t feel like the best start to married life. If he could hide something like this and then make up a ridiculous lie, what else has he hidden from me or lied about? Asked him why he hadn’t discussed it with me first or why he had felt the need to lie about it but he hasn’t explained.. He does tend to bury his head in the sand and avoid conflict whenever possible. He would rather just say he is sorry and move on without explaining himself or talking things through. For clarity, if he had told me he wanted to try it, I would have supported him completely. His body, his health, his choice but to hide it from me just feels really dishonest and to be completely honest, it would have made me feel less disappointed in myself, had I known before the wedding what he had been doing to lose the weight.

OP posts:
QueefQueen80s · Today 11:01

I’ve been on MJ for a long time and likely always will be, and I think it’s wrong to keep it secret. I’ve had several friends get mj without informing gp and one collapsed with severe kidney issues and one was admitted with pancreas pain. Thankfully their partners could tell staff they were on the injections

HappyViewer · Today 11:02

This wouldn’t bother me, I think both weight and medical/health issues are extremely personal. Our bodies are the only thing that are completely our own.

Do you think you are a bit jealous of his weight loss?

DustyMaiden · Today 11:04

I wouldn’t be happy. He watched you struggle and never said why he was succeeding. Then he lied to your face. He needs to know it’s no way to start a marriage.

PollyBell · Today 11:08

HappyViewer · Today 11:02

This wouldn’t bother me, I think both weight and medical/health issues are extremely personal. Our bodies are the only thing that are completely our own.

Do you think you are a bit jealous of his weight loss?

Edited

Yes i dont get the whole weight loss obsession, what the husband does doesnt have anything to do woth the op losing weight or not? He cant be blamed because the op can't lose weight

LifeMakesMyFaceAche · Today 11:08

I have been on it for 2 years I have lost 6 stone. My husband knows I am on it but the rest of my family don't. It has not been an "easy" route. It has taken hard work and it has helped me control my hormonal eating patterns. Without it I would have likely been even heavier now!

I think your husband wanted to keep it to himself because he didn't want the judgement that the press has stirred up!

TurtleMcTurtle · Today 11:15

I am genuinely amazed at threads like this, where people don’t seem to understand the legal contract that marriage is.

Not only does it mean your financial status is shared (their losses and gains are your losses and gains), you are also passing over to your spouse the rights to make decisions about your health if you are incapacitated. Your spouse is the person who decides whether your life support stays on, or gets switched off. They should know what medication you’re on and what health issues you have, and in a good marriage, you should want to talk openly with your spouse about such matters, they’re important.

Putting abusive marriages to one side, why wouldn’t you want to talk to the person who is your soul mate, best friend and legal next of kin about your health and medication?

MinLynn · Today 11:16

PollyBell · Today 11:08

Yes i dont get the whole weight loss obsession, what the husband does doesnt have anything to do woth the op losing weight or not? He cant be blamed because the op can't lose weight

Daft comment.

PollyBell · Today 11:19

MinLynn · Today 11:16

Daft comment.

Why does he have some magic power?

Thehop · Today 11:22

Really stupid to lie about this

I tried mounjaro at the start of 2025. 2 weeks in o had a very extreme r delayed reaction to it and my husband had to take me to A&E. I wasn't fully conscious and if I'd been keeping mj a secret things may not have been resolved so successfully. He's an idiot:

MinLynn · Today 11:24

PollyBell · Today 11:19

Why does he have some magic power?

I don’t think you’ve read the thread.

Anyway, if you don’t understand why someone would want to lose weight you should probably go do something else now.

sweetpickle2 · Today 11:27

A lot of people on mumsnet who are on MJ hide it from their spouses- I don't agree with it personally and would feel the same as you, but it's incredibly common.

stuffedanimalsandchocolate · Today 11:29

did you not see it in the fridge all these months?

Opporty · Today 11:30

86newnameagain · Today 00:46

I think from the financial aspect if nothing else it’s wrong not to tell a spouse. Any other medication surely you’d tell them about.

I’m on medication my husband doesn’t know about. Why would I tell him, it’s my health not his?

MinLynn · Today 11:35

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn at author's request

BillieWiper · Today 11:36

Yeah it's weird to make up such an outrageous lie when he got found out.

He should've just come clean at that point. I don't see why he lied.

Would you have tried to tell him not to use it? If it was because he wanted to spend money on it but didn't want you to do so as it would leave you short overall? That's really mean if true.

Either way I can see why you're not happy. I would've just gone on it myself as well and you still can. But you must make sure he knows that secrets like that are not acceptable in a trusting relationship.

PigeonsAmongstTheCats · Today 11:45

Honestly I think you're being dramatic. I don't share every fibre of my being with my husband and definitely wouldn't feel obliged to share everything with him.

He likely felt unable to be open about it after your conversation. Often people are unaware of how strongly their opinion carries in such discussions and if you were negative at all about WLI then it would be understandable that he'd choose to keep it to himself.

Your issues regarding your weight and body image are yours to address, and shouldn't be relative to anyone else's weight, weight loss or image.

PigeonsAmongstTheCats · Today 11:47

86newnameagain · Today 00:46

I think from the financial aspect if nothing else it’s wrong not to tell a spouse. Any other medication surely you’d tell them about.

I've never used weight loss injections. But I've definitely never felt any need to announce medication I've been prescribed either. I'd feel a bit bemused if my husband came and updated me every time his medication changed too.

Stormyrose · Today 11:58

Obimumkinobi · Today 10:21

It looks like he wanted to "win" the wedding day race so badly that he was happy to resort to deception to do it. He knew you felt disappointed about your own journey but secretly carried on regardless. I think he's a bit of an arsehole TBH.

Christ what a leap. It wasn’t a competition.

BloomingXmas · Today 11:59

This does not bode well for you as a married couple.

Regardless of the reason, he blatantly lied to you when you had the evidence.

i am sure you would have discussed his weight loss, and your lack of loss, in the run up to the wedding. What a terrible thing for him to lie about, surely he knows that every bride wants to look their best. Would you have gone on the jabs if you knew he was?

I was married to a conflict avoidant man for 20 years. it meant that nothing ever got resolved and if I tried to speak to him about anything, he said I was finding fault or making problems.

If you dont have kids, I would advise walking away

Stormyrose · Today 12:00

Katastrophyy · Today 10:22

Its like having fat removal surgery.

😂 tell us you don’t understand rhe meds without telling us you don’t understand rhe meds, it’s nothing like surgery

sweetpickle2 · Today 12:00

Opporty · Today 11:30

I’m on medication my husband doesn’t know about. Why would I tell him, it’s my health not his?

Personally I'd tell my husband any medication I'm on in case of emergency, but appreciate not everyone feels the same way.

OneShyPeachShark · Today 12:03

HappyViewer · Today 11:02

This wouldn’t bother me, I think both weight and medical/health issues are extremely personal. Our bodies are the only thing that are completely our own.

Do you think you are a bit jealous of his weight loss?

Edited

I think if OP had known he was on MJ she’d have used it too, and is regretting that she didn’t because she missed the chance to be as slim as she’d have liked on their wedding day.

WildLeader · Today 12:04

Smartypantsloves · Today 01:35

I’m well aware of that thank you, which is why I apologised for mistakenly opening his parcel. I don’t disagree with his right to privacy but think I’m allowed to be concerned when he outright lies to me. That’s not the sort of marriage I want.

Well this is the angle you need to take.

he needs to be open and honest with you. That’s a non-negotiable.

and now you have the green light to get on the MJ yourself now!

PigletJohn · Today 12:07

A lot of people think us porkers are fat because we are greedy pigs and have no self control and no concern for our health and appearance.

Therefore the only respectable way to lose weight is by self denial.

Therefore using medication is "cheating" and despicable.

Maybe it's true.

But I've tried both and the jabs are more successful.

I don't give a fcuk who knows.

SockPlant · Today 12:08

WinterGhost · Today 00:40

DH doesn’t know I’m on mounjaro. I just didn’t want to have to explain myself or justify my decision, or have him think I’m taking the easy option. I guess I’m a bit embarrassed my weight go so bad and I couldn’t do it on my own so I don’t want anyone to know.

It’s no reflection on our marriage at all.

have you had a discussion about it though? and both rejected the idea because of possible future health effects?

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