To think some men raised by single mothers develop a distorted idea of masculinity that can manifest as misogyny?

[WryJadeWren]

I wonder whether some boys raised by single mothers, particularly where there has been no positive male role model in their lives, grow up with a distorted understanding of what masculinity actually looks like.

In some cases, I wonder whether they grow up simultaneously putting their mothers on a pedestal while harbouring quite negative attitudes towards women more generally.

I’ve also noticed that some men can be fiercely protective of their mothers, yet hold deeply misogynistic views about other women. It’s an interesting contradiction.

I’m certainly not suggesting that all men raised by single mothers are misogynistic, or that having a father in the home automatically produces a well-adjusted man. Plenty of misogynistic men grow up in two-parent households.

But I do wonder whether the absence of a healthy model of masculinity, combined with certain mother-son dynamics, can contribute to this.

AIBU to think there’s something in this?

Mainly. The fathers probably were never there but there are mothers who bring up sons single-handedly without the sons becoming useless misogynists.

All parents, but with no father on the scene the 'parents' means the mother.

I didn’t have children till 6 years into the relationship, 3 years into marriage. My ex has his own strapline which is ‘I would dig ditches to support my family’. He never said, actually when I get bored of you, I will have an affair, have that woman work for me and use her accountancy prowess to cook the books, clear out the bank accounts, and continue to abuse you financially, emotionally and ocassionally physically for the next however many years it takes me to feel better about my actions.

100% disagree. Plenty of boys with fathers present in their life become misogynistic too. How ludicrous to suggest boys of single mums are more likely to be misogynistic. 🙄

So why is this thread about single mothers then?

So this is AI or a wind up.

"What prompted the discussion was observing certain men who have been raised..."

Yes! Where did you observe them!! Who are you referring to??? Was it TV, a documentary? Or are you just repeating stuff you heard about??

Oh wow….women become single parents for as many reasons as there are women who are single parents. I would put money on over 90% of those women who end up as single parents as having been in what they considered stable, long term relationships. Many men enjoy making life hard for an ex - state sponsored child abuse through the courts and the inefficiency of the CSA/CMS.

I didn't start the thread. There does seem to be a pattern of sons of single mothers in deprived neighbourhoods being disadvantaged.

I’m referring to men I’ve encountered in real life, not a television programme or documentary. I’m drawing on personal observations and conversations, not claiming to have conducted empirical research. You’re welcome to disagree with my interpretation of those experiences but I’m not sure why the suggestion that someone might have observed a particular pattern in their interactions with others is so implausible that it must be AI or a wind-up.

There is literally NOTHING we can’t blame women for, eh?

@Whatalunatic , wow what? As you grow up, you are set a model of parenting by your parents. If your father was never there (after you were born) then you see your mother do all the parenting.

I was a single mother.

My brother was like this - he had 4 sisters, a younger brother and 2 parents. He certainly it mum on a pedestal but he was the favourite, she’d have done anything for him.

And apparently there’s no discussion we can have about how men develop misogynistic attitudes without it being interpreted as blaming women.

I’ve repeatedly stated that men are responsible for their own misogyny. Examining the influences that shape their attitudes is not the same as holding women accountable for them.

Now we're getting somewhere. Thank you for answering (finally).

Okay, so back to my original question:

"Where did you meet all these men raised by single mothers and what is your sample size?"

Why did that take so long??

I'll add two further questions: why do you know they were raised by a single mother and why have you got to know all these men so well that you know how they behave around women - most men you come into contact with don't advertise their shitty behaviours.

(I never said you were carrying out empirical research and the AI/wind up relates to your weird responses and the fact that your claims make no sense)

Then why mention "raised by single mothers". You linked these mystery misogynistic men to women by referring to women in their lives and only to women. You didn't need to. This is clearly rage bait.

I can assure you that there are entire swathes of men, countries full of them in fact, all out there treating women like second class citizens, servants and sex slaves, just like the UK used to, and all those men had both parents in their lives.

Stop blaming women. Maybe society just needs to model more respect for women in order to resolve this issue.

I’m not sure why this has become such an interrogation but I’ll address your questions.

I’m talking about men I’ve encountered personally, including through social interactions and conversations. People’s family backgrounds and attitudes towards women aren’t necessarily mysteries. They can come up naturally as you get to know someone and misogynistic attitudes can reveal themselves through the things people say, their beliefs and how they discuss women. I haven’t kept a numerical record of these encounters, nor have I claimed that they constitute a representative sample.

You seem very focused on establishing the precise number of men I’ve encountered, when I’ve already acknowledged that my observations don’t establish how prevalent this dynamic is. You’re perfectly entitled to challenge my interpretation but repeatedly suggesting that I’m making things up or using AI doesn’t particularly advance the discussion.

We get information from news reports and the media.
For example, Single-parent children and educational attainment - Wikipedia
Children raised by single mothers are achieving less because of lower income, study finds | The Independent | The Independent

The OP explicitly said they didn't and has now answered my question - but thanks.

Also, why are you linking to a Wiki page about lower income and achievement? What's the relevance?

Freud identified that some men can have a Madonna/Whore complex whereby they can idolise their mothers but treat other women badly. As a pp stated, I also agree that some mothers (whether with a partner or not) can lean too much on their sons and almost treat them as substitute partners and this can lead to resentment from the son. I’ve seen that in my own extended family too.

If you find my post irrelevant, scroll by. I was a single mother and I did my best.

Not going into in detail because it is late and I'd need to fill in gaps but there seems to be an expectation that boys from poorer backgrounds will not amount to much and will expect women to do everything.

Freud was borderline genius and insane, a cocaine addict who had a lot of weird thoughts on gender identity and incest. A right little perv in his thinking.

Why would the child of a single mother not have a positive male role model? My ex was a prize cunt, DS had my dad as a role model and is a the furthest from a misogynist you could get. Honestly single mums get the blame for everything. The most misogynistic boys I teach have dad's at home who are a waste of space.

If we’re basing our thoughts on observations, then personally the misogynists I’ve encountered had awful, abhorrent, but very present, fathers.

But you’re not simply examining the factors that shape men’s attitudes towards women. You’re specifically suggesting that being raised by a single mother, without a male role model, may contribute to misogyny.

You can say that men are responsible for their own misogyny, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re proposing a link between women’s parenting circumstances and men’s misogynistic attitudes.

You’ve offered no evidence for that link, yet you’ve chosen to single out single mothers rather than the countless other influences on how men develop their attitudes towards women.

So no, I’m not conflating the two. I’m questioning why, yet again today, we’re looking towards women for an explanation of men’s misogyny.