To think some men raised by single mothers develop a distorted idea of masculinity that can manifest as misogyny?

[WryJadeWren]

I wonder whether some boys raised by single mothers, particularly where there has been no positive male role model in their lives, grow up with a distorted understanding of what masculinity actually looks like.

In some cases, I wonder whether they grow up simultaneously putting their mothers on a pedestal while harbouring quite negative attitudes towards women more generally.

I’ve also noticed that some men can be fiercely protective of their mothers, yet hold deeply misogynistic views about other women. It’s an interesting contradiction.

I’m certainly not suggesting that all men raised by single mothers are misogynistic, or that having a father in the home automatically produces a well-adjusted man. Plenty of misogynistic men grow up in two-parent households.

But I do wonder whether the absence of a healthy model of masculinity, combined with certain mother-son dynamics, can contribute to this.

AIBU to think there’s something in this?

Right. Single mothers also now responsible for misogyny. Brilliant.

It is a huge problem.
Boys need positive male role models.
They don’t get them in school now as teachers mostly female.
A constant revolving door of ‘step-fathers’ makes things worse.

I think misogynists come from all sorts of backgrounds. And I'll be honest, the biggest ones I've ever met came from very middle class backgrounds where Daddy was something important and respectable. Mostly public school educated and certainly from a stable two parent home.

So, no. I don't think you are onto something in particular. I'm sure that there are boys raised without fathers who don't have a great role model. But in general a lot of boys with single mums tend to respect and admire women.

Too simplistic I'm afraid to compare the binary of man in the house versus no man in the house. Because boys experience of being raised with a father in the home will vary greatly dependent on the man in question. A boy raised in close proximity to a misogynist man is going to be exposed to misogynist role modelling that a boy raised without a man in the house wouldn't.
I know it would be neat to be able to blame misogyny on mothers but your argument is weak.

I didn't take that from the op. Surely the absent fathers are the ones to blame, for being absent and therefore not able to provide the role model.

Not agreeing or disagreeing with the original proposition as I don't know! Just pointing this out.

Seriously? I managed 17 years before introducing my children to a new partner. Pretty much e very single mum I know could say similar. But the single dads? Always multiple women introduced. Now, what does that tell you exactly?

Unfortunately I do think mothers bear a lot of responsibility for the way sons turn out. I don't think that's how it should be but I do think that irl that's how it is.

In the same way as I think fathers show their daughters how they should expect to be treated by the men in their lives, I think mothers show their sons how they should interact with women, and this will be heightened when there's no father figure about.

I don't think it it's becuase they're single mothers that their sons have issues with women though, it's becuase of the was some single mothers lean too heavily on their sons.

Are you really blaming women for mysogyny? Really?

So, once again, women are responsible for the behaviour of men.

Women are not to blame for the behaviour of men.

No, I’m questioning how some men develop their understanding of masculinity and attitudes towards women, particularly in the absence of positive male role models. That’s not the same as blaming women for misogyny.

I also said it was interesting that some men can idolise their mothers while simultaneously holding deeply misogynistic views about other women. Men are ultimately responsible for their own attitudes and behaviour but that doesn’t mean we can’t examine the environments and dynamics that shape them.

Was just going to say !

Dh and his brothers were raised by a single mother in the 70s they are all decent men and not 1 misogynistic.

We had no male role models growing up (our father died young and any uncles and grandparents lived abroad) and my brother did start spouting misogynistic crap as a teenager. I think he had to learn to be a man from the boys at his school and somehow gravitated towards the idiots.

My mother is a strong woman. She was a high earner and incredibly tough and intelligent. It’s ridiculous that with her as a female role model he still ended up with those views. But, boys will be boys, and boys love to feel superior.

You'd have done better then to look at boys raised with positive role models (which could include uncles and grandfather's if no dad on the scene) versus ones raised without (which would include those raised with rubbish live in fathers).
Making this about single mums makes you sound like one of these trad family values types who criticises single mothers, with a handful of stereotypes about spousification of sons by mothers thrown in. Which may not have been your intention but its how it lands.

So the fathers, ie the men, need to step up, it’s not on the mothers!

Im a single mum and bringing my son up to be respectful of women, I believe he will be a good boyfriend because of the messages I’m instilling in him.

I know someone who hasn’t come from a single parent family who is incredibly misogynistic so single mothers are certainly not to blame!

Of course, where there's blame there's a woman ffs! Oddly enough single mothers are not a distinct group, we are all different! And when men are misogynistic....that's the fault of them...
Men!

I actually happen to somewhat agree with you OP.
Many of the teenage boys I deal who have misogynistic views come from households without a dad.
My god, anyone says something about their mum's or sisters and they go ballistic, but will say equally disrespectful and awful things about each others mums and sisters and don't see the problem. Some will point blank laugh in the face of women staff members but show the utmost respect the the men with no rhyme or reason.

Not sure how or why it can manifest this way.

I don't think it necessarily has to be their dad, but I do think healthy male role models are incredibly important for boys (same with female role models for girls).

If they don't regularly see men they respect treating and talking about women with respect, a gap exists in which crap role models or distorted images of what makes a man can take root.

My FIL is far from perfect, but one thing I'll credit him with is showing my DH how to respect women and deal appropriately with his emotions.

I'm not sure why so many posters are taking this as a dig at single mothers? If anything, it's a dig at absent fathers (I don't think the same issues exist with separated parents who coparent well).

In some cases, I wonder whether they grow up simultaneously putting their mothers on a pedestal while harbouring quite negative attitudes towards women more generally.

I don’t see how one would lead to the other to be honest.
Many times I have found men brought up by single mothers to be less misogynistic overall.

I think the problem is that a misogynistic society leads to misogyny - boys are told that women can’t be their role models, anything “feminine” is beneath them. Then their closest relationship is generally with their mother (single mum or not but more so if a single mum - as I am to my teen DS) and then later on a girlfriend or partner. Who they fundamentally disrespect because theyve been told all their lives that girls and women’s interests, roles, views etc etc are just a bit rubbish and their views, interests etc are more worthy or important. So the entitlement continues. I’m trying with ds, he has good male and female role models and does seem to see girls/women as people. I’ve always told him there’s no male/ female “boxes” of likes/colours/interests etc and he can like whatever he likes. and we’ve always talked about feminist related issues as well as politics in an age appropriate way. I believe he is in as strong a place as he can be to reject misogyny but he’s only 14 so who knows in the long run. All I can do is show up, keep talking to him and make no subjects off limits.

How about some men, who are abandoned by their fathers (physically, emotionally, financially), grow up to be misogynistic?

Where does this thinking even come from? Any research? Your opinion based on a handful of cases?

It's not my experience at all. Mine is that it's boys raised by misogynist father's and passive mothers who are more likely to be so.