Am I wrong to continue to refuse to socialise with DH’s best man

[Westernweath]

I got married last summer (2025) and took offence to a comment made by DH’s best man. Juvenile humour at my expense. I remained calm at the time but told DH in no uncertain terms I would not socialise with him again.

He has respected that until now. Big row last night that I’ve ‘dragged it out for over a year and need to move on now’. I explained I felt embarrassed in front of family and friends. He says as he has apologised repeatedly I should give him a second chance, and be mindful that a lot of alcohol was consumed by him and he has ‘cut right down as a result’.

Maybe I am stubborn. But I believe that fool me once, you don’t get another chance.

YABU - move on and agree to meet up
YANBU - stick to your position

Another vote for you are overreacting.

I was expecting he’d outed some sexual kink, or made a joke about your fertility in light of a series of miscarriages, or that he mentioned something that you had chosen not to share with your family (although tbf even there with an apology I’d be civil with him if my husband chose to remain his best friend, I just wouldn’t be friendly/trusting of him).

The actual comment was a joke I don’t expect anyone thought was true, so it wasn’t even really about you (unless it was, but then it was true so why are you embarrassed). It’s not my humour but I can imagine it getting a polite laugh in a wedding speech that is expected to have some light ribbing in it.

You need to get over yourself and accept that part of being married means making sacrifices for each other.

Well was it true, did you fart away in front of him?

I wouldn't hold a grudge but then my DH's best man didn't make jokes about me at our wedding as he didn't know me well enough to do that. The best man can send up his mate but needs to tread very carefully about doing that about anyone else.

Why would he think a woman watching beer and farting was funny, does he think women shouldn't do that? I imagine the joke said a lot more about him than you, OP. @Westernweath

Yes, because I truly hope to teach my children to be able to laugh at themselves in such a low stakes situation. I’d hate to have raised a child so sensitive that if someone made an innocent and largely inoffensive joke about them in a kind hearted way (because a wedding speech is hardly a scenario where you can bully someone) they couldn’t roll their eyes and shrug it off, but instead it created a year long grudge and a permanent moral judgement of the person who said it.

OP, yanbu.
I have been to so many weddings and not once has the best man needed to be vulgar or crass to make the guests laugh out loud.

I would be very pissed off at his need to say this.
Coarse and completely unnecessary.
I suppose you know your crowd though.

It is possible to make a speech without pulling cheap laughs via embarrassing the bride and groom.

If I was your mother/MIL, I wouldn't be impressed.

I also wouldn't be impressed with my new husband telling me how I must feel about this, and to get over myself.

This can’t be serious, who on earth would cur some one out for that comment, that’s insane

Why is a wedding speech a low stakes situation. It's meant to be one of the best days of your life. Instead of teaching girls that they should put up with crass twats maybe we should be teaching our sons not be to crass twats

I think you misunderstood the joke, he said she looked lovely in her dress and very different to last time he saw her, he didn’t say she should not have been doing that, or the fact she was was funny

Yeah. I think you're wrong to continue this now, it's been ages. It'll only negatively affect your marriage from what you've said. What's the point. Move on.

I've changed my mind about voting YANBU as that is quite tastilly funny in my opinion.

What did everyone do when he cracked his joke? Did they laugh or feel it a bit inappropriate? I suppose you’re always going to remember it but be the bigger person and let it go now.

I would totally make a joke about something like that about myself and some of my oldest friends would happily laugh amongst ourselves about something like that. But unless DH's best man is also OP's best mate and has known her a long time and knows she would laugh at something like that (which clearly he is not and doesn't as he got that wrong) it does sound a bit dodgy ground for a wedding speech.

Another vote for time to move on. It really wasn’t particularly offensive and he’s apologised. You don’t have to be best friends but absolutely childish to refuse to socialise with him in a group setting or be friendly while he’s over to see your DH.

Yes rude and ill thought out. But you need to get over that now

If I was your DH I’d see your behaviour as the biggest red flag 🚩

YABU. It was a misjudged joke. He's apologised. Time to move on.

Why did he need to mention it. he could just have said she looked lovely in her dress and stopped there. Would it have been funny if he said she looked shit in her dress and he preferred her when she was watching football on the sofa drinking beer and farting.

If I knew you op and heard you’d cut contact and were behaving like this, I’d think very poorly of you indeed.

He didn’t say that, what you on about, creating fantasy scenarios

But it didn't land so it wasn't funny. It's the way you tell them. Otherwise it's just puerile or embarrassing for the wannabe comedian.

Oh for goodness sake, what is the world coming to. What a ridiculous overreaction. Is your life normally full of such petty drama?

Seriously, that's it?

Yeah, I'd say you're being massively unreasonable

When I opened this thread I thought it was going to be that you’d found out he’d been cheating or something.

Jesus Christ, get over yourself. It was a badly landed joke. You're massively overreacting.

For me it depends how he is normally. If he's habitually a twat than I wouldn't socialise with him, rather than because of what he said last year.