Am I wrong to continue to refuse to socialise with DH’s best man

[Westernweath]

I got married last summer (2025) and took offence to a comment made by DH’s best man. Juvenile humour at my expense. I remained calm at the time but told DH in no uncertain terms I would not socialise with him again.

He has respected that until now. Big row last night that I’ve ‘dragged it out for over a year and need to move on now’. I explained I felt embarrassed in front of family and friends. He says as he has apologised repeatedly I should give him a second chance, and be mindful that a lot of alcohol was consumed by him and he has ‘cut right down as a result’.

Maybe I am stubborn. But I believe that fool me once, you don’t get another chance.

YABU - move on and agree to meet up
YANBU - stick to your position

Oh dear. Get over it! He apologised. What more do you want?

I agree. Here's a brief exchange I had years ago with another female after an extraordinarily busy day at work:

Me: phew! I've been too busy to fart today!
Her: No you haven't - I heard you!
Me: I was multitasking.

There were several women present and we all laughed.

(Don't worry - I didn't give up my day job)

You can talk about yourself like that but why talk about someone else in front of many other people. If you know your DD would be upset by someone talking about her like that would you laugh at her if someone said something like that directed to her

I presume this was a wedding speech where he tried to hard to be funny. It could have been a whole lot worse op. It’s dh best friend I think you need to move on. My own father’s speech was embarrassing from where I was standing would he listen if I’d mentioned it after the event? Absolutely not. Perhaps different sense of humour plays a part.

You’re behaving like a controlling diva!
get over yourself !

changed my vote after your update - you really should be able to get over that comment by now.

I would be beyond furious at such a boorish remark being made at my wedding, I could easily hold a lifelong grudge over it. What is wrong with people’s standards on here?

I'm against everyone else here, not sure why they flipped as it was obviously going to be a comment like that from the opening post.

He is your DH friend not yours, you haven't controlled or banned your husband from being friends with him and he equally cannot force you to be around someone you dislike or who makes you uncomfortable.

There some seriously misogynistic attitudes in the idea that because your his wife you have to just suck it up and put up with someone that insulted you on one of the most important events of your life. He said 'sorry', so what? sorry does not magically erase anything, he is facing the consequence of his actions and more men need to. The whole thing about rehab with drinking etc... is you ask for forgiveness but you don't just magically get a free pass and sorry just makes it forgotten and undone. You are allowed your feelings and your boundaries, your marriage or what you husband 'wants' does not change your autonomy.

I think you are far too sensitive! Time to let it goooooo

Why do you need to socialise with him anyway? Isn't he your husbands friend? You can be polite to him without hanging out with him and similarly you do not have to feel the same about him as your husband obviously does. Just let them socialise together.

No we don't, and I think a best man shoukd be respectful and sober. However, I have heard of, and seen, some really horrific BM speeches, several of which I considered immediate grounds for divorce. Utterly disgusting and inappropriate.

Slightly different perspective here, but even though your DH’s loyalties lie with you, your intransigence in this situation is probably sorely testing his allegiances. You can’t control his friendships to this extent without some festering resentment from DH.

Tread carefully.

Do you have to socialise with him? Do you like him? I actually do like DH's best man but probably only see him like twice a year if that.

I wouldn't have liked that at my wedding either; fart humour is for children and has no place in a best man's speech. Does it matter if it could have been worse?
It's entirely your choice who you socialise with.

You're never speaking to him again because he made a joke pretending that you farted? Or you did fart in front of him years ago? Either way it does seem a bit excessive to still be deeply hurt about it. Maybe fart jokes aren't funny but is it really that big of a deal?

It's hardly the worse thing in the world to say.
It was a bad joke. You are being unreasonable

You’re obviously very bothered about what other people think about you, and can’t take a joke. Does it not bother you that people think you’re being a bitch by holding a grudge over something so pathetic? You’ll forever be known in those circles for being full of yourself, I’d forgive him rather than sooner and hope that people forgot. I’d rather people thought I farted than I was an arsehole.

Just saw your update, was that it?

Honestly, you need to seriously lighten up. Team DH here.

You have taken this WAY too seriously. What he said wasn't even that bad. He has said he was sorry, your DH is right, you have dragged this on ridiculously.

Do you always hold such ridiculous grudges?

I have a bit of an issue with people who hold grudges - to me, it comes from a place of thinking you're perfect and will never need to show humility or be forgiven. We're all flawed. I'm absolutely certain that you have said and done wrong things in your life, OP, and hurt people's feelings. God knows I have. We all fuck up. This was relatively trivial and it reflects badly on you to keep bad feeling going to this extent.

It was a crass and stupid comment but your reaction is excessive.

It is time to forgive.

YABU it was just a stupid comment, nothing offensive.

you being ridiculous

So many misogynistic terms being thrown by women to a woman who was upset by a crass speech by a man.

It’s a bit crass but he’s his best mate 🤷‍♀️

you can’t cut him out for one comment, I reckon I would literally have no friends if I did that. Also, have YOU never said anything fucking stupid? I bloody have, many times as I’m a normal human.

Crass of him but not really “cut him out of our lives” kind of comment. He obviously thought it was funny and was paying you a compliment on how good you looked on your wedding day. He’s apologised. I think you should forgive and forget. Live is too short to get wound up by something so trivial and I’m sure your husband feels he’s been torn in two by it for the last year.