Am I wrong to continue to refuse to socialise with DH’s best man

[Westernweath]

I got married last summer (2025) and took offence to a comment made by DH’s best man. Juvenile humour at my expense. I remained calm at the time but told DH in no uncertain terms I would not socialise with him again.

He has respected that until now. Big row last night that I’ve ‘dragged it out for over a year and need to move on now’. I explained I felt embarrassed in front of family and friends. He says as he has apologised repeatedly I should give him a second chance, and be mindful that a lot of alcohol was consumed by him and he has ‘cut right down as a result’.

Maybe I am stubborn. But I believe that fool me once, you don’t get another chance.

YABU - move on and agree to meet up
YANBU - stick to your position

Values as a down to earth friend and saying you looked lovely! He only said she looked lovely so he could contrast with her supposed normal habits. Some people have a very odd ideas about a great compliment.

Really? So a backhanded compliment and you've carried it on over a year. I'm not surprised your husband is fed up

Silly comment but I don't think worth cutting him out forever, he is your husbands best friend after all

Well if you were "watching football on the sofa and farting away" im not suprised he commented in it. Not a big deal though. Just move on because life's too short to hold onto pettiness.

You are not obliged to socialise with him just because he is your husbands friend. For all those saying get over yourself, what happened to no means no? There doesn't have to be a huge reason behind it. OP doesn't want to socialise with him and that should be it.

If your children didn't want to play with someone would you keep forcing them to? Why is it different for an adult?

Why should OP have anything to do with him just to make her husband happy? The best man needs to get over and it accept his friends wife wants nothing to do with him.

Now I have this additional context. Yabu. Very much so. Poor taste joke at the most. I dread to think how you would react to something that's actually offensive.

Blokes shouldn’t get away with saying things like that though, just because they are blokes. Is that how we bring up sons, saying they can be crass to women

Look if my husband's best man had said that about me, he'd be having words with him. His best man stayed sober and managed to avoid comments on both beer, flatulence and sex. It's not hard.

@Westernweath are you trying to isolate your DH from his friends? Otherwise I don’t understand why you would carry this grudge over something so pathetic for over a year.

Be careful your DH might just choose his ‘fun’ friends and not his ‘uptight’ wife.

What is he like normally. Does he show respect to females (not just you) or does he like crass ‘banter’?

If you’re a normal human being not a saint, OP, you’ll have done and said things that have upset people through your life. You’ll also have regretted doing or saying certain things.

Would you want people to write you off and refuse to engage with you at all because you’d made some poor judgements or comments you wished you hadn’t said or had phrased better? Would you want them to totally cut you off even if you had apologised?

So, don’t cut this man off. He was silly and vulgar but he’s apologised and, after all this time, you should give him another chance.

It's pretty pathetic to hold a grudge over that🙄

After reading what he said you are being massively unreasonable!

Sure the comment was not very nice but do you really want to hold a grudge over this? It was a joke that obviously didn’t land right with you.

you will damage your relationship with your husband, kindly you need to get over it.

Is that it?! Yes, massive overreaction from you.

It sounds like he made an effort at a joke which didnt land well.

Fair enough if you didnt appreciate it, but given he has apologised and a lot of time has passed, its probably time to move on.

It seems the main thrust of what he was saying was a compliment, but maybe spoiled it with a silly joke.

He wasnt trying to insult you.

FFS you are being not only unreasonable but ridiculous.

Surely you can socialise with people you like, your husband can socialise with people he likes, and occasionally you can socialise together with people you both like. Your husband's friend falls into the second group. There is no issue.

oh dear… well, it seems unanimous on here that you’re being ridiculous so I must conclude YABU.

However, if this happened to me I’d also be unreasonable about it and probably react the same as you have. So you’re not the only unreasonable one, if that helps you

This isn’t a bloke thing, it’s a sense of humour thing. His comment is the kind of thing I’d happily say about myself (I’m a woman) or to a friend. Some people don’t find fart humour funny. Fine, they don’t have to, but they do need to recognise that in the grand scheme of things it’s just a difference of opinion not a crime against morality.

You have NO IDEA how much worse a best man's speech could be.....get over it.

I want to change my vote to YABU!

What's wrong with what he said?? That's nothing! I thought you were going to say he'd made some offensive crude sex joke or commented on how many men you'd slept with, or something. Which of course would be total dealbreakers.

Wow. What an overreaction on your part. No wonder your DH is fed up. He's probably contemplating whether he can stick the marriage out if you are going to continue to hold a grudge for years over something so ridiculous.

You are being ridiculous

Your DH is rightly fed up with your stance, if you value your relationship then let it go

Do we have to accept a low bar. Maybe a best man’s speech could be respectful