Am I wrong to continue to refuse to socialise with DH’s best man

[Westernweath]

I got married last summer (2025) and took offence to a comment made by DH’s best man. Juvenile humour at my expense. I remained calm at the time but told DH in no uncertain terms I would not socialise with him again.

He has respected that until now. Big row last night that I’ve ‘dragged it out for over a year and need to move on now’. I explained I felt embarrassed in front of family and friends. He says as he has apologised repeatedly I should give him a second chance, and be mindful that a lot of alcohol was consumed by him and he has ‘cut right down as a result’.

Maybe I am stubborn. But I believe that fool me once, you don’t get another chance.

YABU - move on and agree to meet up
YANBU - stick to your position

I know he didn't say that, I was just asking that the people who thought what he did say was fine, would it be fine if he made some crass comment about her wedding dress. Why could he not say she looked lovely and stopped there.

Can we not move away from the best man's speech has to be crude and crass, in the same way we should be moving away from a stag do being crude.

I really wouldn't take a comment like that made on my wedding day very well tbh. You want to feel beautiful, not have your bowel habits discussed in public. Yes it was a joke, and I doubt he meant for it to upset you but I'm with you OP that it would seriously piss me off.
I still think you have to forgive and move on, but there's no reason you should have to spend a lot of time socialising with him if you just don't like him. What's he like otherwise? Does your husband want him to come round for dinners etc, or do they usually go out when they meet up?

Is it always the woman who has to make sacrifices?

Good grief, of course he can’t say the bride looks shite in her dress, nor did he,

This really. It’s his best pal - do you really want to make things continually awkward until the end of time? I wouldn’t like it either, but you need to move on now, or it’s going to affect your marriage over time.

But he can be rude about her in other ways?

Is that it?! Major over reaction.

Surprised your husband has let this go on for over a year before telling you enough is enough you need to get over it!

Get a grip.

Oh come on, OP, it was a joke! Yes, a bit juvenile, but you really need to be less po-faced. This is your husband's friend - just socialise with him, and find something actually important to worry about.

YABU

he’s your husband best friend and you haven’t asked that he cut ties with him, so if you are ok with the friendship continuing, I think you need to move on. If he has apologised and you believe he means it, i think you should put it behind you. You don’t have to be friends or close, but surely you can be in the same room as him and be civil, for your husband’s sake?

I would have laughed if he had said that to me. YABU, far too sensitive and OTT reaction.

Sense of humour clash.....?
Don't get me wrong i'm with you he was grim , but as he has apologised and cut back on drinking and your husband wants him around i would give him a second chance (any minor relapse would be a deal breaker though)
Bottom line, it doesnt matter what i think or any other mumsnetter (as wise as they are) thinks, it what you think that matters.
If you don't want to give this crass bloke another chance thats your prerogative.

Oh god what a massive over reaction by you

Everyone farts

Why were you embarrassed

Maybe I am stubborn. But I believe that fool me once, you don’t get another chance.

He didn't fool you, he made a daft comment and has repeatedly apologised.

It isn't about being stubborn, you are being stupid. You are free to 'stand your ground', but it will detrimentally impact your marriage, and your lack of forgiveness would make me go off you if I were your DH.

No you're not being unreasonable. What the hell got into him to say something like that on your wedding day - I'd be livid. Sometimes it feels like people casually humiliating other people is just part and parcel of life - it isn't and it shouldn't be. We all have to operate under certain rules of civility and the best man broke those.

I'm not sure I'd get past that if I was you. In your situation, I wouldn't interfere with your husband's relationship with his best mate and I would be civil to him on social occasions (mainly because it is just too much like hard work to be otherwise) but I'm not sure I'd want to socialise with him at all.

Some women on here have crazy low standards. No, it's not acceptable for the best man to get really drunk and offend and embarrass the bride. You only get one wedding day (hopefully!) and he can't take that back. I wouldn't want to socialise with someone that crass either. Can't DH meet him for a drink on his own? Why do you have to socialise with him?

OP isn't stopping DH from socialising with him.

I am so glad that my children were raised to have respect for others and consider their feelings.

That they would realise that a wedding day is special and not the setting for making coarse remarks at the expense of the bride, potentially upsetting and embarrassing her.

Weddings we have attended certainly aren't low stake affairs.
They are very special days for family and close friends.
Weddings are often very expensive once in a lifetime days out, and it is unfathomable to me that the feelings of the wedding party would be so dismissed.

One of my husbands friends over 30 years ago made some crude sexual comment to me. I actually can't remember the comment just remember the feeling that he was out of order and I was seriously pissed off about it.

I banned him from our wedding!

He later apologised, and I told him it was karma and to suck it up.

But I don't hold grudges and I have socialised extensively with him over the years and subsquently been to both his weddings.

I have always been glad I gave him a second chance as he learnt his lesson well and has never made any inappropriate comments to me since. We genuinely just laugh about it now, when it's remembered, as one of those daft things that friends do when young.

I don’t wanna say this but with princess attitude like this… I give it a year.
You’d either break up your husband friendship and he’ll feel resentful or he’d do a runner cause this is only the tip of the iceberg.
I’m not one of the buys but a whole year for a fart comment?

Good grief OP. It was crass but mildly embarrassing at best. You need to build a bridge and get over it. Not surprised your DH is embarrassed and lost his patience as a year sulking is way over the top. I was expecting something unforgivable.

I suppose how your view life and relationships. Personally I think people can make mistakes sometimes clash with our sense of humour etc. That doesn’t mean they are at their core bad people. What matters is how they try to rectify the situation.

You of course are fully entitled to set the tone for your marriage.

If you actually believe fool me once, you should hope you don’t offend your husband during the life span of your marriage.

You might find your stand on your principles comes right back around on you. Which your husband in essence would be matching your energy and own beliefs.

Yeah. Crude sexual comment is not the same as saying someone may have farted while drinking beer.

It it's true, you were gross for farting in public.

I’m with you OP, there’s a time and a place and a wedding is not it. Juvenile toilet humour, urgh, I wouldn’t find anything remotely funny about that in any setting.
If that’s the best your DH can do as a friend to represent and support him, I wouldn’t want to entertain any of them!