Am I wrong to continue to refuse to socialise with DH’s best man

[Westernweath]

I got married last summer (2025) and took offence to a comment made by DH’s best man. Juvenile humour at my expense. I remained calm at the time but told DH in no uncertain terms I would not socialise with him again.

He has respected that until now. Big row last night that I’ve ‘dragged it out for over a year and need to move on now’. I explained I felt embarrassed in front of family and friends. He says as he has apologised repeatedly I should give him a second chance, and be mindful that a lot of alcohol was consumed by him and he has ‘cut right down as a result’.

Maybe I am stubborn. But I believe that fool me once, you don’t get another chance.

YABU - move on and agree to meet up
YANBU - stick to your position

I take it you never saw Joan Rivers. Or any of the thousands of female comics that rip the piss out of people, particularly men.

The last book my mum read was called "picking on men" full of quotes putting down men and making fun of them. Some of it quite cruelly if taken out of context

OK... well, neither is/was true. Clearly goading. My fault for letting my guard down on this post!

Sure Jan! Another one needing to get a hobby.

Sorry but that's a gross thing to say to anyone! Reminds me of my ex. His other saying was 'whatever, move on' whilst half way through a convo. Horrid. And extremely dismissive.

I feel your pain.

It doesn't matter what the general consesus is, fi he embarassed you to the extent he did publically, you have every right to avoid him. I'd feel the same.

That's IT?!!

It's really not that deep, is it?

Not funny and in poor taste but I really don't think it's bad enough to warrant avoiding him forever.

Honestly, in your place I'd have laughed. I assumed he'd said something far worse. You stand to get a horrible reputation for being humourless and hard work.

I expect they do know, yes. Why do you need to know if the sibling is a man or a woman though?

Oh, come on. You’re being absurd to take so much offence at that.

He didn’t reveal your IBS.

He mentioned you farting. Farting is aomething literally everyone does. The only thing he ‘revealed’ is that you’re a normal human being like everyone else.

@Westernweath , I can completely understand why it was a comment you were sensitive to given your medical history but I promise you, he didn't give that secret away. As a pp said, he was just conjuring up an image that was in stark contrast to how you looked on your wedding day. Everybody would have thought it was exaggerated, if they believed it happened at all.

I think you should give it a chance, being friendly with him again, for your husbands sake. If he is genuinely sorry he's not going to make jokes about you again and if he does then YWNBU to wash your hands of him.

(I also don't think you need to be embarrassed or ashamed of having IBS anyway!)

Complete over reaction to a joke.

As someone who has long suffered from IBS I think it would be good for you to work on yourself or seek help to rid yourself of the shame and embarrassment. I try to talk about it openly as much as possible. So many people suffer gut issues and most people are really thankful when someone speaks up about it unashamedly and matter of factlly.

It sounds like this reaction to your husband's friend is not really about him, it's about your own shame. All of that shame is being thrown at him. It's not a horrible vicious insult to make a joke about someone farting. If you are hideously embarrassed about your farting then you will have a very emotional reaction to the joke, but that is your problem to deal with.

As an aside did you know if your farts smell very bad there are actually pants you can get which filter out odour? They are amazing for bad IBS sufferers and people with bowel cancer and other gastro issues.

It was a crass and unfunny joke. He has apologised. I thought you were going say he had told everyone that you give out free BJs and that all the men should form an orderly queue. Time to move on.

It probably sounded much funnier in his head than after he said it. Most people have said something they regret. How they react to that - by apologising - is more important than the stupid joke.

Accept his apology and move on.

Would you stand up in a room of people and target a comment about farting to someone who was meant to be celebrating their special day? Do you think that is the time to bring up their IBS? You are victim blaming the OP for a man’s crass comment

I think his joke was a bit crass but offended you because of your IBS. I also think it's entirely likely that he is unaware of your condition, and no other guests would have assumed that is what he was referring to. You should accept his apologies and move on.

Instead of farting would it be okay to poke fun about other health issues on a bride’s special day?

I don’t disagree, but I also think it was just an incredibly weird thing to say to anyone, ever, far less at the start of a wedding speech on a formal occasion, and especially as part of a compliment to a bride! I mean there’s a ‘tradition’ of low-rent sexual jokes in best man’s speeches — and of ribbing the groom, but not the bride. That’s not part of the ‘job’ of the best man’s speech.

Why did he say something so strange? Is he a bit of a knuckledragger in general? I mean, is this his idea of humour?

He didn't bring up IBS though. He really didn't.

I can’t believe this will be the only time he has been crass towards a woman (alcohol or no alcohol)

Yes, like I said, a knuckledragger. Frankly, I’d be embarrassed I was married to someone whose friend not only got it so wrong on an important occasion, but was this crude and basic in general.

I mean, had he never been to a wedding before?

Get a grip!

Massive overreaction. He has apologised and tbh I don’t even think what he said was bad.

Oh, good grief. I'm sorry, but I was expecting something so much worse.
A beer and a fart joke and you're cutting all contract and making a big deal out of it?!?
YABU