Am I wrong to continue to refuse to socialise with DH’s best man

[Westernweath]

I got married last summer (2025) and took offence to a comment made by DH’s best man. Juvenile humour at my expense. I remained calm at the time but told DH in no uncertain terms I would not socialise with him again.

He has respected that until now. Big row last night that I’ve ‘dragged it out for over a year and need to move on now’. I explained I felt embarrassed in front of family and friends. He says as he has apologised repeatedly I should give him a second chance, and be mindful that a lot of alcohol was consumed by him and he has ‘cut right down as a result’.

Maybe I am stubborn. But I believe that fool me once, you don’t get another chance.

YABU - move on and agree to meet up
YANBU - stick to your position

You’ve never spoken to him again because of that? Wow it’s just a stupid male joke

Come now.

The person who says

But I believe that fool me once, you don’t get another chance.

is NOT going to be married to the same person for 30-40 years.

Under the circumstances, while it was ok for you to voice your displeasure if you weren’t amused by his attempt at humour, I don’t think it’s feasible to avoid him for the rest of your life. He was best man for a reason. I think it’s time to balance your right to defend your honour with the reality of the situation. If you stand your ground, you may lose your marriage.

Was it true, like?

Can't hang a body for telling the truth.

Is that it???????? Omggggggg get over yourself lady!!! Laugh at yourself 😭😭😭

Why do women have to put up with stupid male jokes?

You've seriously refused to socialise with him for over a year for an innocuous commwnt like that? No wonder your husband is pissed off with you.

Sorry, I don't like a pile on but you're being utterly nutterly. A childish joke at worst. I'd be questioning things if I were your husband.

As someone who has suffered from horrendous IBS for most of my adult life, and tried very hard to keep this secret from most people, to have it revealed on my wedding day was heartbreaking and humiliating. It may seem an over-reaction, but I can assure you I am far from ‘precious’.

Honestly, I thought the comment would be worse than what you have revealed.

However, I DO understand how upsetting it is as something similar happened to me on my wedding day. I saw my husband's groomsmen encouraging to have lots of drinks/shots and my husband rarely drinks (even more so at the time, due to the nature of his work). Anymore than 3 drinks and he would be an utter mess! I didn't want my wedding evening ruined having to deal with a drunk, sick husband so I went over and said 'Please, please don't give him anymore drinks as he's not used to it and we want to enjoy the evening.'

One of his groomsmen said with a snarl on his face 'Oh go fuck yourself!'

I was so shocked and upset, I burst into tears and, even though it was one tiny moment of the day and everyone quickly jumped in to support/ get him to apologise etc, it really hurt so much that on the day that was supposed to be one of the best of my life, someone was so nasty to me in such a horrible way. I will never forget the snarl on his face, like I'd told him I'd killed his pet dog or something. I didn't say it in an angry tone or anything like that, if anything, it was a gentle pleading.

Even when I think of it now, it still makes my stomach turn. I was having such a lovely day and it was such a shock.

I do understand how it feels so I can understand why you've struggled to move past it. It's the one day where people are supposed to be kind, supportive and lovely and instead he tried to humiliate you. I'm so sorry that happened.

Exactly.
This man was out of order and really upset the OP.

ON HER WEDDING DAY

But noone would've assumed you had IBS from that comment?

Yeah I wouldn't assume someone had IBS from this at all, just that they'd seen them looking a bit scruffy on one occasion. You're obviously allowed to feel however you feel and not socialise with this person, but if they've apologised and it's been a year, I do think you are being a bit precious. Unless they have form for being rude and an arsehole in other ways?

Goodness, you poor thing! That’s nowhere near the same level as the tasteless silliness OP is complaining about. Nobody should ever speak to you like that, much less on your wedding day. I am so very sorry this happened to you.

Do you still speak to that dickhead? Does your husband? I honestly wouldn’t forgive that, and I don’t think I’m particularly big on grudges.

That is appalling and I totally sympathise having gone through very similar x

He said you were on the sofa, drinking, farting and watching football. Nobody would take from that comment that you had IBS. Nor would they think you were an alcoholic BTW

That is even more shocking.
You poor woman.
What was the outcome?
He sounds like absolute scum.
Do you actually still have contact with him?
Does your husband?

It’s humiliating, I imagine, because of how you feel about your medical condition. And I do get that. I am very sensitive about being laughed at. However, I agree with others, who say no one would have guessed. And many people will have thought it was a bit of an immature joke to get a laugh and that he was making the whole thing up.

I think you should move on now. For you. Because it feels as if part of this is accepting yourself I think.

Sounds like he was crass, rude and drunk but kindly, I think it’s time to move on.

You were farting freely in front of guests?

Are you pearl clutching over that? People do fart you know

I don't get how his comment revealed it? People fart, and what ?

You should have laughed it off and got on with life.

What a fuss about nothing.

Sure they do
but in front of guests? Nah

Really? All this over a throw away comment? I can only assume you have no sense of humour….
and this is a year or so ago? Wow.