Flower girl dispute with friend, DDs unhappy, help.

[FGDil]

My friend's daughter is getting married next year. My friend called me and told me her daughter wanted my DD (6) to be her flower girl. DD6 is quite quiet and doesn't want to be the flower girl. My friend said I should make her do it for her daughter. I told her I don't make my DD do things she doesn't want to do. In the background of the phone call, my DD8 was hopping up and down saying she would be flower girl. I suggested this to my friend. My friend said crossly, "She doesn't want DD8! She wants DD6!" I just told her, "Well, she can't have her." My friend is now not speaking to me and my DD8 feels rejected and has been grumpy with her sister in the day since this chat. I tried to explain to DD8 that she just wants DD6 because she is small and doesn't want an older child, it's not personal. I talked to DD6 and told her about getting to wear something special and she still won't have anything to do with it. So that's not happening. Did I handle this badly? Please tell me it will all blow over with the girls.

Rigggghhhhhtttt. 99% of mnp seem to be adults having conversations infront of children
smh. Me & my bestie conversations go “hey u ok? Can you talk”
meaning what im about to say isn’t something for the kiddos to home in on.

Is the flower girl not generally the youngest? I don't actually know as I didn't have one.

She's unreasonable for prioritising her photos over her actual wedding and relationships. You're unreasonable for exposing your children to it all.

I think I explained it quite well. The difference is only a small change for preference, like Isabelle instead of Isabella. Inspired by DD6.

I wouldn’t have let either of them know anything about it until you made a decision, but no, like hell I’d be letting my dd be a prop in this ridiculous wedding.

What is it with all the flower girl drama right now? Is this a new social media trend? When we got married, we were mid to late 20s, we didn’t even know anyone with children who could be in our wedding. We had a best man and MOH and that was it. The only child in either of our families or our friend groups was a 6 month old baby, who came to our wedding, but obviously was too small to do anything (and he was the son of a distant relative, who we wouldn’t have asked anyway as I barely knew them).

Absolutely! Or I'll call you back/message you.

Yes read it. So please tell me why you think her DD6 is passive? Where are you getting that from?

Weird that the Bride couldn't be bothered to ask you directly. The fact that her mother asked would have been a flat 'no' to start with!

Same! Now awaiting some huge backstory about how younger child is related and older one isn’t…

No back story. We aren't related to the bride or her mother. The girls have the same parents.

Why do you want an argument? Is it worth it?
Picking people's posts apart achieves little, gets personal and really isn't my vibe.

Not trying to argue but correct the misconception that introverted people are passive.

If that’s what friends are like, who’d want them!?

Meanwhile in the real world where real shit happens

Oh ffs. Move on, I am not interested.

I know, what a dreadful attitude - to both girls
.

Good argument, if you’re gonna post about things like this at least make sure you’re informed.

Sone people just don’t want to be educated when they’re WRONG

It's all very weird. So your friend's daughter wants your younger daughter to be a flower girl as a prop basically? For the aesthetics? Odd.

Correct of you not to force a child to do something they don't want to do but I'm assuming that was a conversation that went on away from the initial phone call rather than during it? So you could properly explain what being a flower girl involved.

It's rude and unfair to only ask one sibling when they're both very young. Especially if the older daughter wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid or have any involvement.

You have an absolutely idiotic friend, OP, but you also handled this badly.

So she thinks your youngest DD fits her Instagram aesthetic but the older one isn’t as pretty so doesn’t? Wow, is this really what the world has become.

It will be sad if you lose your friendship because you won't make your dd do something she doesn't want to do and makes her feel uncomfortable. But that's 100% on her not you op.

It's so depressing, isn't it? That's what is happening though; superficiality, simplistic attitudes. Crass behaviour.
Your lovely daughters are better out of it @FGDil.
Good luck!

Would you have been invited to the wedding if dd wasn’t mooted as a flower girl? was it that you were invited because of dds role? Or are you that close to your friends dd?
I would be fine with not being invited if I was there as dds mother rather than invited in my own right. Otherwise it would be quite petty to disinvite you or fall out with you.
possibly your friend promised your dd up and assumed it would be accepted

I don't think it's that older DD is less pretty. I do think it is about the look and younger = cuter. Instagram.

I don't put the value on looks you think I do but the world seems to and I have to deal with it.

But we shouldn’t be forcing little girls to do things like this

I think you're right. This is hard but the wedding might be harder.