Friend bringing DD on lunch date.

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My good friend is back from overseas for a week to see her family. She comes periodically. Her parents live close to me and this time she has brought her DD 16.
we arranged a while ago to spend the day together this week, I’m off work. We were looking at different things to do. With the weather we decided a nice lunch out in country and maybe a walk if dry. Then she tells me she is bringing her DD16.
I dotn know if this is just me but we all know we can’t say what we want or discuss what we want round our kids. I wouldn’t think of asking my kids (same age) on girls date.
is this just me or do other people find it strange ???
her DD hasn’t seen the grandparents for a while so wondering why she doesn’t want to spend time with them ?
maybe its me but it’s put a dampener on it.
AIBU ???

She usually comes with whole family and I see her alone usually I guess as just got her dd then that’s why.

You definitely have the wrong end of the stick. There is no miserableness. I am v grateful to have a good friend. It was purely a question that wasn’t as deeper as you appear to be analysing.

Nope no one’s talking money specifically it was an example and not that deep.!

It may be she doesn’t want to bring her DD with her but for some reason has to… of feels obliged to.. who knows.. if this is out of character there may be a deeper reason and perhaps you’ll find out tomorrow what that is.

And as good friends I agree adult time alone without kids is very different to talking around 16y olds. I’d have preferred to have time alone with my friend but I’m also a good enough friend that I’d let it go once. If it kept happening I’d be more likely to kindly name boundaries and explain that you’d like to talk without censoring yourself because some chats aren’t for young ears and laugh a bit to soften it… see what the response is…

yes, hopefully just a one off. Will see how it goes. See what we can talk about! X

It's a friendship, not a paid for service! Neither of them is obliged to completely tuck their personal life out of sight for the benefit of the other.

It's the friend's problem (if indeed, I'm correct about the DD not wanting to spend time with DGP on her own) and she's solved it by bringing her DD with her. If OP doesn't want to meet up she doesn't have to but, since they are friends and have few opportunities, It sounds like OP would rather see her with the daughter than not.

But blokes I know might do that especially if the teen son was at a loose end? It's recognising they are growing up and including them

Correct I will go anyway now. I have nothing at all against her dd shd is lovely. I was just disappointed bringing her for a few hours precious time with my friend. I will live 👍🤞

'Witness their progress'? The last thing I'd have wanted as a teen would have been some friend of my parents' trying to 'witness my progress' or to be shown off like some trophy. How cringe.

Of course parents being proud of their kids is normal, but they're not possessions to be shown off.

It's not strange -she is on holiday with her 17 year old daughter. She should just ditch her all day in a foreign country?

Sigh. It’s not a foreign country. Her grandparents live here. For all we know the teenager has lived in the UK for much of her life.

It's more that it could be seen as very preumtious that someone should want to organise how a mother and daughter socialise. The idea that both friend and dd are better off if DD stays home- is a huge assumption - and there's no telling what their choices are about.
So the suggestion that this was an incorrect choice could be felt very personally. No matter how it's conveyed it's essentially telling a mum that her daughters company is not desired and positioning her to do this with her daughter.
It's just quite possibly going to be felt as not very friendly. The OP is correct in her analysis of this.

Of course it’s telling the friend her daughter’s company isn’t desired! Why are so many women on Mn so mimsy?

I think you are mistaking considering what you want the outcome to be, for a lack of assertiveness. It's not linguistically difficult to explain what she wants- but the poster is aware it may not go down well . The outcome could be her friend thinks less of her, feels uncomfortable or even ends the friendship.
Course if one doesn't care about those things then there's no issue.
But the OP hasn't said she doesn't care. She's describing a good friendship.

She can’t control what her friend might possibly think. What she can control is whether she spends a day hanging around with a sixteen year old when she doesn’t want to. If she isn’t able to communicate clearly what she would prefer, it’s not much of a friendship.

Do you actually know what mimsy means?

No it’s not strange for her they stay with parents and other family members. She’s come quite a lot over the years.

No, I don’t want it offend or upset. Which she may not take it that way but she may.
i would prefer to keep my friendship with her and learn for next time if it comes about again 🤞

I can communicate what I prefer but I don't tell all my friends all the time. Because some of it is completely inappropriate to the situation and might quite surprise them and not in a good way. But in some cases the balance of what is happening is still preferable to me than the consequences of communicating.
Telling the truth is very powerful. I mean, the truth is important but people aren't always going to cope with it, just because it is the truth.

To be honest I’d probably be quite pleased to see an old friends DD especially if I hadn’t for a long time. She’s probably very proud to being her along.

Nasty.

If you had a point, that would have been a good time to make it.

I think it was straight to the point. Your comment was nasty about the OP and the insinuation that her friend can't bear to be alone with her.

Thanks. It was uncalled for and it’s nowhere near the truth of the situation with my friend.